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Original poster

Daughters wedding

409 replies

PeppyZebra · 02/06/2025 18:36

Needing advice. My daughter gets married in 6 mnth at a church. She was having 3 bridesmaids. Myself and ny husband halve purchased her dress at £2500, paid for a gospel choir and are paying for the church. We are also renting a house near the church for the night b4 and after. Myself, my hubby, ny son, his girlfriend(whois a bridesmaid) and my daughter are staying there night before. My daughter has asked for £150 each from bridesmaids for hair makeup and dress. Two are fine. The other one(best man wife) has said she can't afford it. She has already paid 50.00 for her dress and my daughter said the rest is not to be paid until day of wedding. Works out about 5.00 per week. This young lady and her hubby are not short of money. She works full time, he is a professional rugby player and they have just paid 60 grand cash no mortgage for an extension on their 5 bedroom house. She has messaged my daughter saying she just cannot afford to have her hair and make up done but has confirmed that she has made an appointment to have her make ip done professionally somewhere else on the day and it is to cost nearly £50. My daughter doesn't think she wants her to come to our home on the morning of the wedding with all the celebrations when the other 2 have paid and she won't. Just to point out also when my daughter gave her the link for the dress she ordered a completely different dress than what my daughter asked her to and ended up sending it back. I don't want her to come and I am annoyed that she has put my daughter in such a position and it feels like she is playing on the friendship of her hubby and my soon to be son in law. HELP PLEASE

OP posts:
Tubs11 · 03/06/2025 02:25

You and your DD sound very entitled

LAMPS1 · 03/06/2025 03:16

The spirit of having a lovely morning with the support of your best friends as you prepare for the most special day of your life has been completely and utterly lost with this awful mercenary attitude OP.

You can’t pay for that special privilege of close friendship and you certainly can’t expect your close friends to fork up for the wedding frippery you want, in order to prove how special you, the bride, are to them. It should be more than enough that they agree to come and support you, no matter what they wear, no matter their hair, looks and complexion.

Your daughter isn’t obliged to have a hairdresser and a make up artist and special matching dresses for her friends if she can’t afford it OP. It isn’t compulsory. It’s just a special treat for the bridesmaids for being so supportive if the bride can afford it. If she can’t, then it’s just fine anyway without. The spirit of friendship is still there, all the more evident.

The whole tradition has run away so far from the true meaning of friendship that the bride is thinking of inflicting a payment plan on a so-called best friend making them pay for that privilege.
It really has all become a circus of dreams that can’t be fulfilled with any true meaning.

It should go without saying that your daughter should have the wedding she can afford. That’s surely what you should be teaching her. Yes, she may well be such a wonderful daughter and friend to her mates that she deserves the wedding of her dreams but that’s tough because she can’t afford it in the real world, well away from fantasy land. She can still only have what she can actually afford.

Inflicting a payment plan on one of the guests you have invited to your wedding is really demeaning and offensive.
It doesn’t matter what it’s for. But inflicting one on a supposed best friend highlights the fact that your daughter doesn’t regard her as a best friend at all. Instead she has thought about how much money she must have because she has no mortgage on her house renovation. So your daughter expects her to pay to pretend she’s a friend and if she can’t pay upfront then she certainly must be made to pay £2 a week. That’s not right surely.

i hope you can encourage your daughter to stop and think about what’s really and truly important for her special day.

Havvingaalaugh · 03/06/2025 04:02

I’m astonished that you are charging the bridesmaids for the dresses, hair and makeup. This is so fucking cheeky. I’m surprised that two of them appear to be sucking it up.

What should you do? Easy, you pay up.

Interested in this thread?

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Weddings
Whatsgoingonherethenagain · 03/06/2025 04:27

Have you even considered the position your daughter is putting the bridesmaid in?

you don’t know what her finances are like. It is not impossible that while they may have a lot of money, her husband controls it.

seen it before. Wife not allowed to spend anything he doesn’t approve of, and she has to ask him for every penny.

Havvingaalaugh · 03/06/2025 04:51

Whatsgoingonherethenagain · 03/06/2025 04:27

Have you even considered the position your daughter is putting the bridesmaid in?

you don’t know what her finances are like. It is not impossible that while they may have a lot of money, her husband controls it.

seen it before. Wife not allowed to spend anything he doesn’t approve of, and she has to ask him for every penny.

Spectacularly misses the point.

FleurDeFleur · 03/06/2025 06:26

Havvingaalaugh · 03/06/2025 04:02

I’m astonished that you are charging the bridesmaids for the dresses, hair and makeup. This is so fucking cheeky. I’m surprised that two of them appear to be sucking it up.

What should you do? Easy, you pay up.

I bet they're telling everyone about it, though.

Doctorkrank · 03/06/2025 07:44

Agapornis · 02/06/2025 22:53

If you can afford a £2.5k dress, you can afford to pay £150, or more accurately £450.

Or are you claiming you can't afford it while you're showing off by buying £££ expensive shit?

Edited

Exactly! Or could have spent £2,000 on a dress and had £500 left over for the poor bridesmaids 😆

deeahgwitch · 03/06/2025 08:26

The whole palaver sounds classy. Not !
Charging a bridesmaid £2 per week to pay for being bridesmaid. 😂
I’ve heard it all now 🙄

ssd · 03/06/2025 09:02

I agree

And the mum @PeppyZebra , seems to support the idea.

Can you imagine the bridesmaid going round to the brides house every week with her £2 coin 😂or maybe she could pay her by direct debit??

If its true its laughable

YourSignalFadedIntoAnotherWorld · 03/06/2025 09:13

I would not want to be a bridesmaid at this wedding. All of it is so transactional that there seems to be no genuine sentiment in any of it, just money, the thoughts of how it is distributed and who will or will not get the benefit of it.

Bleurrgh.

CrushingOnRubies · 03/06/2025 11:36

Dd is a birdezilla bridesmaid is right to kick up a fuss YABU

Poppyfun1 · 03/06/2025 11:43

Seriously? Firstly, what u have paid was irrelevant to the post 🙄. You and your daughter sound like 2 peas in a pod. Secondly, bridesmaids don’t pay for their dresses, make up. Remember who ASKED them to be bridesmaid! They can of course voluntarily offer to pay for things which it is then up to the bride to decide but they should never be forced into it. Good Luck to the groom, I have a feeling he’s going to need it.

ThisZanyPinkSquid · 03/06/2025 11:46

Your daughter wanted her as part of the wedding then she should pay for it all if she wants it all done by a certain person/certain way 🤷🏼‍♀️

She has booked to get her own make up done so there’s really no issue here apart from you and your daughter are coming across quite controlling and bridezilla-ish!

Bridesmaids already have so much output with hen(s), accommodation, outfits, gifts…

HobbyHorse30 · 03/06/2025 11:48

I can’t understand why, OP, what you and your husband have contributed to the wedding is of any relevance to the bridesmaid issue, unless your aim is to show how little the amount the bridesmaid is expected to contribute is in comparison to your contribution, which is an entirely irrelevant comparison.

Either the bride pays for the services she wants the bridesmaids to have and the things she wants them to wear, or she allows them to do their own thing. She can’t dictate whilst also expecting them to pay (extension to a 5 bedroom house or not 🙄🙄🙄 Again, another irrelevant detail)

Newbie8918 · 03/06/2025 11:49

I (the bride) paid for all of the bridesmaids clothing and hair and makeup!

Im not sure how anyone can have the balls to say, I want to you specifically wear x dress, have your hair like Y and makeup like Z and expect the bridesmaid to foot the bill!

Morrisdancer403010 · 03/06/2025 11:49

Your daughter and yourself need to get a grip. The bride should pay for the hair and make up, not the bridesmaids. I'd refuse that amount as well. I can guarantee if you were paying, it wouldn't be £150!! Why should anyone pay to be part of the wedding party? Are you charging guests for their food etc? Didn't think so.

LumpySpaceCow · 03/06/2025 11:50

I can never understand why people have bridesmaids and then expect them to pay for everything. I was once asked and in the end I backed out as I felt I was paying to make the Bridezillas photographs look nice with the demands about specific dress, shoes hair etc....if the bride wants specifics then she should pay for them.
I imagine it isn't a cost issue and the SIL is making a point that she objects to paying for these things and bring dictated to.

Floundering66 · 03/06/2025 11:52

Really poor etiquette. In my opinion the bride should pay for anything she “insists” on which is usually dress, make up and hair. I don’t think you should have bridesmaids unless you are willing to pay for these things, and I would be miffed if someone asked me to be a bridesmaid and I found out I would be spending hundreds for the privilege. I’ve been a bridesmaid several times, I’ve only ever bought my shoes which were a) my choice providing they went with the colour scheme and b) something I could keep and wear again.

MyDeftDuck · 03/06/2025 11:54

I made my bridesmaids dresses and paid for their shoes although their mum took them shoe shopping and sent me the receipt. They were two little girls and didn’t require a make up session…….just a visit to the local hairdresser the morning of the wedding to make them feel extra special. I paid for that too.

Wexone · 03/06/2025 11:54

PeppyZebra · 02/06/2025 19:33

Can I just make it clear through £150 is for the dress hair and make up so essentially £50 each. She has made an appointment for her make up done independent for £45 so she seems to be disrupting the occasion for £55 which we said she could pay for weekly at around £2.00.

Doesn't matter. bride pays end of
if you can't afford it then don't have so many bridesmaids 🤷‍♀️ your daughter is in the wrong here

VickyEadieofThigh · 03/06/2025 11:58

PeppyZebra · 02/06/2025 19:33

Can I just make it clear through £150 is for the dress hair and make up so essentially £50 each. She has made an appointment for her make up done independent for £45 so she seems to be disrupting the occasion for £55 which we said she could pay for weekly at around £2.00.

WHY should the bridesmaids have to pay AT ALL?

You and your daughter are CFs.

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 03/06/2025 12:00

QQ... can she recommend her builders? £60k for an extension is a bargain.

hedgerunner · 03/06/2025 12:01

If your dd wants the Bridesmaids to wear a specific dress and have their hair and make up done by someone she has chosen then she should pay for it.
what’s the relevance of you setting out what you’d paid for?

Floundering66 · 03/06/2025 12:01

PeppyZebra · 02/06/2025 19:33

Can I just make it clear through £150 is for the dress hair and make up so essentially £50 each. She has made an appointment for her make up done independent for £45 so she seems to be disrupting the occasion for £55 which we said she could pay for weekly at around £2.00.

I have no doubt that this lady can afford to pay the £150, but she knows it’s poor manners and really cheeky to ask the bridesmaid to pay and is making a point!

jackstini · 03/06/2025 12:03

Your daughter should never have asked any of them for money for the dress, hair or makeup! She should be paying for them

She's rude, grabby and cheeky and needs to apologise - unless she wants to risk a big fallout; and I am presuming the best man is very close to her DH-to-be, so this would not go down well!