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Daughters wedding

409 replies

PeppyZebra · 02/06/2025 18:36

Needing advice. My daughter gets married in 6 mnth at a church. She was having 3 bridesmaids. Myself and ny husband halve purchased her dress at £2500, paid for a gospel choir and are paying for the church. We are also renting a house near the church for the night b4 and after. Myself, my hubby, ny son, his girlfriend(whois a bridesmaid) and my daughter are staying there night before. My daughter has asked for £150 each from bridesmaids for hair makeup and dress. Two are fine. The other one(best man wife) has said she can't afford it. She has already paid 50.00 for her dress and my daughter said the rest is not to be paid until day of wedding. Works out about 5.00 per week. This young lady and her hubby are not short of money. She works full time, he is a professional rugby player and they have just paid 60 grand cash no mortgage for an extension on their 5 bedroom house. She has messaged my daughter saying she just cannot afford to have her hair and make up done but has confirmed that she has made an appointment to have her make ip done professionally somewhere else on the day and it is to cost nearly £50. My daughter doesn't think she wants her to come to our home on the morning of the wedding with all the celebrations when the other 2 have paid and she won't. Just to point out also when my daughter gave her the link for the dress she ordered a completely different dress than what my daughter asked her to and ended up sending it back. I don't want her to come and I am annoyed that she has put my daughter in such a position and it feels like she is playing on the friendship of her hubby and my soon to be son in law. HELP PLEASE

OP posts:
Pinty · 03/06/2025 12:49

PeppyZebra · 02/06/2025 19:33

Can I just make it clear through £150 is for the dress hair and make up so essentially £50 each. She has made an appointment for her make up done independent for £45 so she seems to be disrupting the occasion for £55 which we said she could pay for weekly at around £2.00.

It doesn't make any difference the Bride should cover all those costs not the Bridesmaids

JugglingMuggle · 03/06/2025 12:51

I’m appalled that your daughter is making her bridesmaids pay for the dress, hair and makeup. If she asks people to do her the favour of being her bridesmaids then she should pay everything for them. They will end up spending money on wedding gifts, travel, accommodation and hen party. How dare she think other people should pay for her vision of a wedding too. If she wants bridesmaids, she should pay for them. I would have refused to pay too. It’s irrelevant whether or not I can afford it.

Peclet · 03/06/2025 12:57

Yes it is etiquette for the bride to cover these costs.

Bit of a faux pas but easily smoothed over now, juts apologise and say it’s been taken care of.

Interested in this thread?

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housethatbuiltme · 03/06/2025 12:59

Your DAUGHTER is meant to pay for these things... the pure brass balls yous have.

You absolutely cannot dictate what others spend their money on, you are honoring them for their support through life and they are doing you a favor for your day of course they shouldn't be out of pocket.

TrustyRusty68 · 03/06/2025 13:03

If you want to dictate what they wear & who does their hair etc then you should be paying for it. You’re asking them to take part in your day, why should they be out of pocket. Absolutely disagree with asking bridesmaids to pay for their own dress, hair etc. If you can’t afford to pay for them, don’t have them!

Whatsitreallylike · 03/06/2025 13:05

Can’t believe the bride expects the bridesmaids to pay for dress, hair and make up for HER wedding haha! That’s next level cheap and embarrassing for your daughter. I’m early 30s so had my share of weddings / being bridesmaid, MOH etc… have paid for my dress in the past but NEVER hair and makeup!

Fupoffyagrasshole · 03/06/2025 13:18

You want bridesmaids you pay for everything !! Or else don’t have them

I’d not pay that much for a dress I didn’t even want but was told to get and make up and hair again that is being dictated by someone else!

it’s ridiculous asking people to pay for these things themselves

CaffeineAndAlcoholFree · 03/06/2025 13:19

If I were asked to pay £150 for the dubious privilege of being someone's bridesmaid, I'd tell them to naff off.

I spent precisely £0 on makeup artists and hairdressers when I was a BRIDE - I did my own and offered to pay for my bridesmaid, but she had short hair and never wore makeup so declined!

MrsSunshine2b · 03/06/2025 13:20

It is the bride's responsibility to pay for hair and make-up.

KateMcN80 · 03/06/2025 13:20

I’m not quite sure what you need help with. Just re-read your post. You have paid £2500 for a wedding dress for your daughter which will be worn for a maximum of 12 hours. That is completely and utterly crazy. What this poor bridesmaid earns has nothing to do with you or your daughter. If your daughter wants her to be a bridesmaid, her dress, hair and makeup should be paid for by the bride. If your daughter doesn’t want her coming the morning of the wedding she needs so speak to her truthfully and tell her. Your daughter appears to be the epitome of a bridezilla. I’m sure the bridesmaid would think it a relief to not be one.

waterrat · 03/06/2025 13:28

I'm cringing at you asking for £2 a week from someone.

Just let her do things how she feels comfortable as bridesmaid and you should stop being involved! Leave it to two grown women and try and encourage your daughter to stop worrying about such minor details.

waterrat · 03/06/2025 13:29

Agree - that as a bride I didn't spend anything on hair and make up - fine if you want to but that's a HUGE sum for the dress (much more than I paid or my siblings paid when they get married - and we all had fairly large weddings)

And then after spending 2,500 on a dress you want £2 a week payment ???? for make up that you are forcing them to have?

OVienna · 03/06/2025 13:34

PeppyZebra · 02/06/2025 19:33

Can I just make it clear through £150 is for the dress hair and make up so essentially £50 each. She has made an appointment for her make up done independent for £45 so she seems to be disrupting the occasion for £55 which we said she could pay for weekly at around £2.00.

She was meant to transfer across £2 pw? Is this a serious thing?

Bridezilla alert.

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 03/06/2025 13:36

This must be a reverse

pinkyredrose · 03/06/2025 13:40

which we said she could pay for weekly at around £2.00.

How absolutely demeaning. What an atrocious way to treat her, like asking a child to hand over their weekly pocket money.

Hollietree · 03/06/2025 13:41

Cancel the gospel choir and bloody well pay for the bridesmaids to have a dress, hair and make-up!

The brass balls in spending £2.5k on a wedding dress then making bridesmaids pay for their own £50 dress 🤯

The hypocrisy of saying the bridesmaid has had an extension done on her house but can’t afford a bridesmaid dress…….. when the bride claims she can’t pay £450 for her 3 bridesmaids costs at her own wedding, yet can afford an extortionate dress for herself plus a gospel choir!

You daughter is lucky that the 3 bridesmaids haven’t told her they are stepping down from their duties.

MusedeBordeaux · 03/06/2025 13:42

PeppyZebra · 02/06/2025 19:33

Can I just make it clear through £150 is for the dress hair and make up so essentially £50 each. She has made an appointment for her make up done independent for £45 so she seems to be disrupting the occasion for £55 which we said she could pay for weekly at around £2.00.

It doesn't matter if it is 2 bloody pence a week, the BM's shouldn't be incurring costs like this. It is also none of your business what house the BM lives in and how they paid for it.

Some wedding related posts on MN have no place in reality, yours is one of them. You are your dd are completely and utterly unreasonable. If your daughter cannot afford bridesmaids then she should not have them.

Panterusblackish · 03/06/2025 13:46

Just to concur, it is the height of poor form to ask someone to be a part of your wedding and then expect them to pay for bridesmaids dresses etc.

Im frankly amazed that it flies in the USA.

Your daughter should be having the wedding she can afford.

brunettemic · 03/06/2025 13:47

Well I don’t think this went as OP expected.

Imisscoffee2021 · 03/06/2025 13:47

Doesn't matter how much they earn, for a wedding you pay for your own bridesmaids things if you're insisting on it. I paid for my bridesmaid dress, hair and make up, why would I want them to be out of pocket for my wedding day?

Brefugee · 03/06/2025 13:48

PeppyZebra · 02/06/2025 19:33

Can I just make it clear through £150 is for the dress hair and make up so essentially £50 each. She has made an appointment for her make up done independent for £45 so she seems to be disrupting the occasion for £55 which we said she could pay for weekly at around £2.00.

so - are you still helbent on making someone pay to be in your daughter's wedding?

Icedcaramelfrappe · 03/06/2025 13:50

The bride usually pays for all

Illegally18 · 03/06/2025 13:53

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 02/06/2025 18:44

If you're going to dictate what other people wear to your wedding you have to pay for it.

Maybe your daughter should have got a wedding dress costing only £2000 rather than £2500 and used the leftover £500 to pay for her bridesmaids' dresses.

The bridesmaid's financial circumstances are none of your or your daughter's business. You don't get to decide how other people spend their money. End of story.

1 The bridesmaid's financial circumstances are none of your or your daughter's business.

and

2 You don't get to decide how other people spend their money.

Never a truer word was spoken..

SusiQ18472638 · 03/06/2025 13:53

If I had to pay £150 I wouldn’t be a bridesmaid!! So cheeky to ask them to pay 😵‍💫

fruitbrewhaha · 03/06/2025 13:55

PeppyZebra · 02/06/2025 19:33

Can I just make it clear through £150 is for the dress hair and make up so essentially £50 each. She has made an appointment for her make up done independent for £45 so she seems to be disrupting the occasion for £55 which we said she could pay for weekly at around £2.00.

Great, if it’s only £2 a week your daughter can pay for it.