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Original poster

Is this really inconsiderate or do we just live differently?

175 replies

Platespace · 21/05/2025 13:53

When BF and I stay over it's usually at mine, for various logistical reasons. When he stays here I will have food and drink in that I'm happy to share with him. I don't particularly shop specially, but I cook daily for myself and will do enough for two when he's here and there's always bread/milk etc in.

BF thinks meal to meal, so he'll go to the shop (or takeaway) when he's hungry.

I stayed at his last night. A long planned thing, and he'd seemed excited that I'd be staying at his for a change. We'd eaten out last night, but at breakfast he literally had nothing to offer me. He was going to do beans on toast but there was no bread...

I can't imagine having any guest, let alone one who does so much or me, and not thinking ahead to what they'll have for breakfast, but then I guess this is the way he lives himself, there was nothing for him either.

Fwiw he does contribute to cost of food when he's at mine and will sometimes bring something.

OP posts:
Mightyhike · 21/05/2025 13:56

What would he normally have for breakfast if you weren't there?

PermanentTemporary · 21/05/2025 13:56

I will admit ive sometimes not had the right food in for guests. After years of family cooking I'm a bit allergic to the whole process.

However, I don't think it's OK and I'm aiming for it not to happen again. How is he feeling about it?

Original poster
Platespace · 21/05/2025 13:56

Mightyhike · 21/05/2025 13:56

What would he normally have for breakfast if you weren't there?

He'd probably get something on his way to work

OP posts:
GardenGaff · 21/05/2025 13:57

So he took you out to a nice cafe and paid for breakfast right?

Given that he mostly seems to eat on your dime usually.

anitarielleliphe · 21/05/2025 13:58

I don't think it was purposefully inconsiderate, but as you noted, just the way he lives. The next time he suggests you stay over at his place, remind him that it would be nice if he has breakfast fare. This may be a situation where you just have to remind him a few times, and then he thinks of these things in the future.

Talipesmum · 21/05/2025 14:00

I just couldn’t be doing with someone that hopeless. He’d have to have one giant heap of especially redeeming qualities for me to work with that degree of disconnect with real life. Especially the expensive “buying every meal out” thing. Very unappealing.

Santasbigredbobblehat · 21/05/2025 14:00

Sounds a bit student tbh. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect him to have bread etc- or yes, offer to get breakfast.

MiloMinderbinder925 · 21/05/2025 14:00

This kind of situation is always a bit of a pain because you can't really guage what he's like.

It sounds like he's not very considerate. He had plenty of time before you got there, knew you always have breakfast at yours yet didn't bother for you.

Is he considerate in other ways?

purplecorkheart · 21/05/2025 14:00

I can be a bit like your partner. I don't drink tea or coffee during the week at home and don't really use milk during the week so often I don't have it in. I also do not eat breakfast at home during the week (or at all being honest) so may not have breakfast stuff in. I admit I would have bread in the freezer but would not really be able to offer an unexpected guest much more.

ButteredRadish · 21/05/2025 14:02

GardenGaff · 21/05/2025 13:57

So he took you out to a nice cafe and paid for breakfast right?

Given that he mostly seems to eat on your dime usually.

OP said in her opening post that he contributes to what he eats at her house

Mightyhike · 21/05/2025 14:04

I think I'd call it a little thoughtless rather than really inconsiderate.

Buxusmortus · 21/05/2025 14:04

I would think that's pretty thoughtless. If he intended to make you beans on toast then surely it would have entered his mind that he needed to get bread? I would always have food available for a guest, eggs, bread, milk, fruit juice etc, always have a loaf in the freezer. Then there's something to eat if you don't feel like going out. If he knew you were staying I'd have expected him to have got some basic stuff like that, but also some extra things like bacon or croissants.

financialmuddle · 21/05/2025 14:04

anitarielleliphe · 21/05/2025 13:58

I don't think it was purposefully inconsiderate, but as you noted, just the way he lives. The next time he suggests you stay over at his place, remind him that it would be nice if he has breakfast fare. This may be a situation where you just have to remind him a few times, and then he thinks of these things in the future.

If he arranges for his GF to stay then he needs to be purposefully considerate of her basic needs. It is not her job to repeatedly remind him like you would a child or teen.

Original poster
Platespace · 21/05/2025 14:05

MiloMinderbinder925 · 21/05/2025 14:00

This kind of situation is always a bit of a pain because you can't really guage what he's like.

It sounds like he's not very considerate. He had plenty of time before you got there, knew you always have breakfast at yours yet didn't bother for you.

Is he considerate in other ways?

He's very considerate in other ways. I was ill after weeks back (something not critical but causing a lot of pain) and he barely left my side for 3 days, including holding me during the night while waiting/hoping for the painkillers to kick in. He's a very considerate friend to a lot of people and will literally drop anything to help someone out and he's very keen to do his bit in the community.

He does live a bit of a student life (at 48!) and we definitely couldn't live together, but I wouldn't want that anyway.

OP posts:
Original poster
Platespace · 21/05/2025 14:06

GardenGaff · 21/05/2025 13:57

So he took you out to a nice cafe and paid for breakfast right?

Given that he mostly seems to eat on your dime usually.

Tbf he would have but we both had work.

OP posts:
ForZanyAquaViewer · 21/05/2025 14:07

This is a 48 year old man? Goodness.

Have you said anything to him about this?

CremeEggThief · 21/05/2025 14:07

The latter. You sound very over-sensitive, OP.

Original poster
Platespace · 21/05/2025 14:08

CremeEggThief · 21/05/2025 14:07

The latter. You sound very over-sensitive, OP.

No I don't think I am. I'm really hoping that it's all good, just different, but also wary of being taken for a mug!

OP posts:
Buxusmortus · 21/05/2025 14:09

He's 48!! That's miles worse, I assumed you were talking about a person in their twenties. Totally thoughtless and disorganised, couldn't be with a man who still lived like that at nearly 50.

CremeEggThief · 21/05/2025 14:09

Sounds like you're looking for a reason to break up, if your first take on someone running out of bread is they are being inconsiderate to you! 🤔

dogcatkitten · 21/05/2025 14:11

Just remind him next time, or ask (or look) when you get to his, 'don't forget stuff for breakfast', or 'what have you got in for breakfast'. Reply will probably be, 'Sorry forgot about that'. Hopefully there's a local shop!

LazyEyes · 21/05/2025 14:11

If he was that excited about you staying over, as an unusual and long-planned thing, it would seem very obvious that this would mean you would also be getting up the next day in his house, and (assuming he sees you eat breakfast in your house when he says) need breakfast. Does he generally struggle with joined up thinking? Doesn't he keep basic foods in the house? A loaf in the freezer, if nothing else? If someone couldn't muster coffee and a slice of toast if they knew I was coming and were excited about it, I'm not sure I'd be staying over again.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 21/05/2025 14:12

If he is nice in other ways, you’ll just have to train him. As in ‘ I’m looking forward to staying at yours Tuesday next week, what shall we have for breakfast? ….Agree menu ‘so you will need to get that in on Monday’.

if it doesn’t happen….🤦🏻‍♀️

Original poster
Platespace · 21/05/2025 14:12

ForZanyAquaViewer · 21/05/2025 14:07

This is a 48 year old man? Goodness.

Have you said anything to him about this?

No, but I will and I do think he'll do better next time. He just hadn't thought. Whenever I point out something that's not quite right for me, he'll apologise, take responsibility and make an effort to do it differently next time. It's refreshing, but I don't want to take too much advantage of it!

By his own admission he hasn't had a lot of realtionships, I doubt he's had many women stay the night. He's definitely different to the more lothario/experienced types, and that can sometimes be difficult, but it's also what makes him special.

OP posts:
OurManyEnds · 21/05/2025 14:12

I live like this tbh. It’s just different, I don’t think of food in that way, and I haven’t eaten breakfast for years, so you’d be screwed at my house 🤣