Is this really inconsiderate or do we just live differently?

[Platespace]

When BF and I stay over it's usually at mine, for various logistical reasons. When he stays here I will have food and drink in that I'm happy to share with him. I don't particularly shop specially, but I cook daily for myself and will do enough for two when he's here and there's always bread/milk etc in.

BF thinks meal to meal, so he'll go to the shop (or takeaway) when he's hungry.

I stayed at his last night. A long planned thing, and he'd seemed excited that I'd be staying at his for a change. We'd eaten out last night, but at breakfast he literally had nothing to offer me. He was going to do beans on toast but there was no bread...

I can't imagine having any guest, let alone one who does so much or me, and not thinking ahead to what they'll have for breakfast, but then I guess this is the way he lives himself, there was nothing for him either.

Fwiw he does contribute to cost of food when he's at mine and will sometimes bring something.

but this was an expected guest and a wished for one at that!

She did say it was a work day and he would have taken her to a cafe.

I have a vision of him spending on bacon and eggs bread etc the whole full English for her only for her to say sorry no time ill be late for work.

I would find it really unattractive being with a 48 year old man who wasn't enough of an adult to plan ahead to his next meal, and doesn't really know how to entertain guests. It would bother me because I'd end up taking all of that on. Bit of a warning bell for me I'm afraid.

It's great that if you tell him something bothers you, he takes that on board and tries to change it. That's important (both ways).

But what is actually attractive, is someone who can just do these things without being told.

Meh its like when everyone on MN says invite the builder in and offer him Tea/Coffee/Biscuits... we don't HAVE any tea, coffee or biscuits (I might have some out of date wierd pregnancy tea I was given way back in the back of the cupboard if it hasn't been chucked but I doubt thats what a builder wants) as we don't eat and drink those things.

We also deliberately don't host so have no point to buy those things.

In the same vain we don't eat breakfast, never have. If you where here you could have an apple like the kids do (as we buy in bulk since they eat them every day) but theres hardly a breakfast buffet spread out.

We rarely have bread too as we don't really eat it and I would have no idea how old the tins of beans in the cupboard are.

I don't stock that stuff either but if I have tradesmen who are expected to be here for a full day or multiple days, I do make coffee and stop the night before for something they can eat with it. And make sure I have a small variety of soft drinks. Same as when I have guests.

Is it obligatory? No. But it sets a pleasant tone and it's nice to treat people well.

@housethatbuiltme That's all totally fine (don't think anyone would say it isn't) but if you had a special guest coming to stay, which was planned in advance, at your instigation, and you know they like to eat breakfast, it would be pretty terrible hosting if it didn't occur to you to get something in or ask them what they might like.

OP , from what you've said about him , he sounds a little quirky and a bit of a character , making him interesting .

It’s not really living like a student, it’s avoiding waste and prioritising convenience / time. A croissant from a cafe on the way to work may cost more than buying them in bulk and freezing them then defrosting and heating one each morning, but a) the freshly baked croissant will almost certainly taste better, b) it saves time, and c) it minimises waste. It also means you get to eat what you fancy eating in that moment - adds a bit of interest, even joy, to feeding oneself.

It’s kind of the opposite of living like a student actually - what student can afford to buy breakfast from a cafe every day?

Not everything is undiagnosed ADHD.

I wouldn’t have minded, people handle their food in different ways.

Bf and I have very different eating habits and tastes since we’re from different cultures, I’m sure my longlife milk is still keeping him up at night.

I’m dating a guy who stays over at my apartment 3 weekends a month. The only time we had breakfast in, we went out and shopped for the bits. It was actually quite fun. But in the early stages of dating when you’re not living together, it’s all about eating out together, surely?

So, I messaged him earlier to say I'm working late and will go straight to his after, I hope he has dinner planned, and he's replied to ask me to call when I'm leaving so he can have it ready 😊

Discuss with him

Bit of a leap to call him hopeless for not having breakfast in! It would be very unappealing to me to date someone who had a meal plan.
Also weird how many people focus on the expense of eating out. Surely most 48 year old single men could afford to eat every meal out if they wanted to, and why not if that’s enjoyable and convenient? For him that may very well be “real life”, doesn’t mean it’s wrong just because it doesn’t fit with a standard family setup.

Correct.

Not everything is undiagnosed ADHD.

Just make a joke next time he invites you over and tell him he'd better have some breakfast in for you this time.

Lol! I am the chaos and DH is the sensible one and it works well. We just have to be clear about our expectations.

I wouldn’t have breakfast in for a guest, would not cross my mind.

I've just walked into his house straight from work and he's told me to go and sit down dinner will be 10 mins, then brought me a cup of tea.

I'm not expecting anything gourmet, but it's progress...

Yeah, fair enough. I felt a bit more bad about that the more I read the thread afterwards. Probably fair to say that it would be v offputting for me personally - have always been keen on guys who like cooking and are interested in food! I still think it’s a bit lame but he’s clearly redeeming himself and different things work for different people.

And he's got dessert!

Your bf sounds very considerate which is lovely,.next time you stay over the night why don't you bring some croissants with you for breakfast, problem solved.

He sounds like a good 'un, OP!

I can’t believe you have said he’s amazing in lots of ways yet you are moaning about this one thing!!

Fgs if your strong point is eating and being organised then do it yourself instead of relying on him to do it!

In relationships people should play to their strengths to make a great team

instead they try to change their partner to be like them

you are clearly high maintenance! I hope he bought u some corn flakes at least for tomorrow……… otherwise you’ll be back to moan - hangry even!!!

Is he a student?

But why would anyone have those things in if they don’t eat them? Not everyone can afford to waste vast quantities of food on the off chance their girlfriend stays over.