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Original poster

Just heard someone saying vile things about me when they thought they had put the phone down

240 replies

seventiesborn · 14/05/2025 12:28

I don’t know why but I’m shaking now. I called a relative earlier to give them some family news. I don’t really want to give too many details away but the conversation was civil and they thanked me for updating them. I then realised they hadn’t put the phone down and he started to imitate me to his partner and what I just said. His partner then started spouting off lots unpleasant things about me in the background and how she thinks I’m stuck up. I just hung up but I have to see them soon and wonder how I can react. I hate confrontation and I’m quite a quiet person.

OP posts:
Hwi · 14/05/2025 15:28

You don't seriously think for a minute that people don't discuss other people behind their backs? Unfortunately, pretty standard. It is a running joke - a group of female friends get together and nobody wants to be the first to leave for fear of being discussed unfavourably. Ignore.

Mothership4two · 14/05/2025 15:30

Wishimaywishimight · 14/05/2025 12:36

I would be inclined to text; "In future you might want to make sure you have hung up properly before you start discussing the person you just spoke to." I wouldn't let them away without letting them know I had I had heard them.

Like others on here, think this is spot on.

Lampzade · 14/05/2025 15:30

Send the text Op so that they know that you know
Then just put it out of your mind and go NC
No arguments , no confrontation

LivingwithHopenowandforever · 14/05/2025 15:31

101Alsatians · 14/05/2025 13:15

That's awful. Not quite the same, but I once received a text about 19 from my Mum which was meant for my Dad. Something along the lines of 'Spoilt little madam is now stealing from you. I've had enough. Will you deal with her or shall I?'

Spoilt my arse...I'd borrowed my Dad's jumper absent mindedly while leaving for work at 6.45am.

I just replied 'I don't think that was meant for me,was it?'

The silence was wonderful 🤣It took her about 45mins to write a reply,much less harshly worded but firmly reiterating I'd done a Bad Thing. I left it.

Got home after work,walked right past her and apologised to my Dad for taking it without asking. He was bewildered by the fuss and said 'Um...it's fine,I wasn't using it and it's cold in the morning'.

Her face was a picture.She apologised,but was ass kissing for days afterwards.

So yes,I agree with PPs. Let them know and enjoy as they squirm. If they don't say it to your face,they don't want you to know what they're really like/think and will be mortified.

Then keep a very wide berth from the pricks.

How is taking your Dad’s jumper classed as ‘stealing’?!?

I am confused…..as parents you do anything for your children. My youngest is forever wearing her Dads clothes even when he gets annoyed as he can’t find the top he wants to wear because she has ‘borrowed’ it! 😂 & because he gets nowhere in telling her to stop I get brought in to stop her. Only way she stopped was when I told her if she continues she is to keep Daddy’s clothes washed & ironed ready for Daddy to wear and not me. That soon stopped her.

Is that your real mum?

TheodoraCrumpet · 14/05/2025 15:31

The same thing happened to me, more than once. MIL, rather than FIL, who didn't feel the need to join in, even though he'd say anything for a quiet life. Sometimes we heard her mouthing off as they were going back to their car from our house, not realising how far her voice would carry. It wasn't anything major, more what was irritating her at the time. It was slobbish of me to neglect (insert any small household deficiency, which of course was down to me rather than any other competent adult in the house).
I knew she was like that, so those incidents never took me by surprise. I found them funny after a while. She had no idea, and like I say, no biggie. But there's something about being talked about disparagingly on the phone like that that feels nastier. What would happen was that I'd try to make another call after speaking to them, discover that they were still on the line, with MIL calling me all the spoilt bitches, Lady Muck or whatever, having done some everyday thing that irked her. No connection at all with the conversation we'd just had.

Mix56 · 14/05/2025 15:35

I hope these people need nothing from you in the future, like, support, information, or a favour ?
Because there is an expression in France for this which largely says "vengeance is a dish best served cold".
When they need something, you simply reply "Can't, Won't, Nope".
Then when they ask why, say when they are venomous behind your back & let you hear it on the phone they shouldn't then have the gob on them to ask for help of any kind"

SabrinaSt · 14/05/2025 15:36

I’m sorry this happened to you OP, it is very hurtful.

Similar happened to me recently at work when a colleague (who I thought I had a good relationship with) didn’t realize I could hear them and said some really awful (and untrue) things about my work and some very hurtful things about me personally including about my personal appearance. It has really impacted me.

I made them aware that I had overhead and corrected the untruths they told about my work. I hope they will teach them to be a bit nicer in future.

PiggyPigalle · 14/05/2025 15:40

They feel inferior to you, that's why they described you as stuck up.
Putting you down afterwards, made them feel better about themselves.
Whatever you do, don't admit they hurt you.

Bobnobob · 14/05/2025 15:46

seventiesborn · 14/05/2025 12:28

I don’t know why but I’m shaking now. I called a relative earlier to give them some family news. I don’t really want to give too many details away but the conversation was civil and they thanked me for updating them. I then realised they hadn’t put the phone down and he started to imitate me to his partner and what I just said. His partner then started spouting off lots unpleasant things about me in the background and how she thinks I’m stuck up. I just hung up but I have to see them soon and wonder how I can react. I hate confrontation and I’m quite a quiet person.

Let me guess, you are more affluent/better educated than this person? It’s pure jealousy on him and his partners part. Ignore and try not to have any dealings with them in future.

notadrift · 14/05/2025 15:46

I am so sorry about this. Absolutely horrible. It is them. Not you.

Waitingforspring77 · 14/05/2025 15:50

Wishimaywishimight · 14/05/2025 12:36

I would be inclined to text; "In future you might want to make sure you have hung up properly before you start discussing the person you just spoke to." I wouldn't let them away without letting them know I had I had heard them.

This 100%

CoffeeCantata · 14/05/2025 15:52

dollyblue01 · 14/05/2025 13:15

This happened to me with my sister in law and my ex sister I never to this day have spoke to either again.
I rang them back to say I’d heard what they had said. That was the end for me.

Yes - it's something which happens in just a few moments, but sometimes it destroys relationships for ever. It's never happened to me but I can imagine it's traumatic and the relationship is never going to be the same again, even if it survives.

It sounds as though these people are jealous of you, OP. People who call others stuck up usually are. It's absolutely a 'them' problem. I hope you'll be able to see this and that things will look better for you soon.

BruFord · 14/05/2025 16:02

Hwi · 14/05/2025 15:28

You don't seriously think for a minute that people don't discuss other people behind their backs? Unfortunately, pretty standard. It is a running joke - a group of female friends get together and nobody wants to be the first to leave for fear of being discussed unfavourably. Ignore.

@Hwi Yes, of course they do, but this sounds really unpleasant. We sometimes discuss family members' decisions, for example, especially if we don't understand their logic! But we don't do nasty imitations and call them stuck up, etc. Perhaps some families do this routinely, but I think it's horrible.

Iloveyoubut · 14/05/2025 16:13

Honestly… you have to find a way to push through hating confrontation and just call it out. You’ll hate how you feel about yourself if you don’t more than you hate confrontation. I hate confrontation too so I understand.

Stevio · 14/05/2025 16:20

As if this couple will feel remotely ashamed or embarrassed if the Op reveals she overheard

they obviously have zero respect or affection for her. They’ll probably just have a giggle.

OP, just don’t have any further contact with them at all. I get the impression that this wasn’t a close relationship in any sense of the word anyway so no loss

Stevio · 14/05/2025 16:21

Iloveyoubut · 14/05/2025 16:13

Honestly… you have to find a way to push through hating confrontation and just call it out. You’ll hate how you feel about yourself if you don’t more than you hate confrontation. I hate confrontation too so I understand.

The likely upshot of confrontation is they have a chuckle at her expense

better to just not have anything further to do with them

SamDeanCas · 14/05/2025 16:27

Are you seeing just them in the future? If so I’d send the text as suggested then just cut contact.

if it’s in a group setting I’d still send the suggested text, be polite but cool when you see them

HunnyPot · 14/05/2025 16:27

I’d call back and ask why him and his wife are a shower of bitches tbh

Richiewoo · 14/05/2025 16:27

I'd definitely text them or call them back. Dont let them get away with it.

Stevio · 14/05/2025 16:28

THEY WONT CARE if the OP calls them back to confront them

They obviously don’t give a damn about her or what she thinks of them. They may well just laugh in response.

Better to have nothing further to do with them

Topseyt123 · 14/05/2025 16:35

Wishimaywishimight · 14/05/2025 12:36

I would be inclined to text; "In future you might want to make sure you have hung up properly before you start discussing the person you just spoke to." I wouldn't let them away without letting them know I had I had heard them.

So would I, and so what if they decide to turn it back on you to claim you were eavesdropping! You weren't, they were just careless and nasty.

You don't have to see them at all, surely. I wouldn't and would tell them and everyone else who might ask why.

You need to be kind to yourself. These people are arseholes and not worthy of the headspace.

AthWat · 14/05/2025 16:36

Mix56 · 14/05/2025 15:35

I hope these people need nothing from you in the future, like, support, information, or a favour ?
Because there is an expression in France for this which largely says "vengeance is a dish best served cold".
When they need something, you simply reply "Can't, Won't, Nope".
Then when they ask why, say when they are venomous behind your back & let you hear it on the phone they shouldn't then have the gob on them to ask for help of any kind"

Vengeance for them not liking her? Do people have to like everyone? Do you seek out everyone who doesn't like you and wreak vengeance on them? because I can guarantee that everyone who doesn't like you will talk to their partners about it in private.

AthWat · 14/05/2025 16:37

Topseyt123 · 14/05/2025 16:35

So would I, and so what if they decide to turn it back on you to claim you were eavesdropping! You weren't, they were just careless and nasty.

You don't have to see them at all, surely. I wouldn't and would tell them and everyone else who might ask why.

You need to be kind to yourself. These people are arseholes and not worthy of the headspace.

Show quote history

Again, arseholes why? For not liking someone and talking about it between themselves, as they thought? Have you never done this with your partner?

Hwi · 14/05/2025 16:38

BruFord · 14/05/2025 16:02

@Hwi Yes, of course they do, but this sounds really unpleasant. We sometimes discuss family members' decisions, for example, especially if we don't understand their logic! But we don't do nasty imitations and call them stuck up, etc. Perhaps some families do this routinely, but I think it's horrible.

Show quote history

Yes, it is horrible, nobody said it was not horrible, but people do it routinely, families or not. To pretend otherwise is to lie on a grand scale, I am afraid.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 14/05/2025 16:41

Wishimaywishimight · 14/05/2025 12:36

I would be inclined to text; "In future you might want to make sure you have hung up properly before you start discussing the person you just spoke to." I wouldn't let them away without letting them know I had I had heard them.

I'd do this x