Just heard someone saying vile things about me when they thought they had put the phone down

[seventiesborn]

I don’t know why but I’m shaking now. I called a relative earlier to give them some family news. I don’t really want to give too many details away but the conversation was civil and they thanked me for updating them. I then realised they hadn’t put the phone down and he started to imitate me to his partner and what I just said. His partner then started spouting off lots unpleasant things about me in the background and how she thinks I’m stuck up. I just hung up but I have to see them soon and wonder how I can react. I hate confrontation and I’m quite a quiet person.

So would I!

Followed with, at least I know where I stand with you.

Send the message. It’s not horrible. See what they say.

You choose your friends, but unfortunately you don’t get to choose your relatives. Do you actually care about their opinion? It’s very hurtful to hear yourself being run down behind your back by anybody, of course.

I’d just be cool and polite when necessary and have as little to do with them as possible in the future.

This is a good idea.

Yes do this and go nc

Definitely send that message.

remember this says more about them than you. Some people are just two faced bitches.

So sorry this happened to you.
I agree very much with sending the txt that's been suggested, but I would be adding in second line to effect 'but on the plus side I am now very clear where I stand'.

I 100% agree with sending the text to them. I would then no longer update them if possible or if necessary briefly and formally by text. Likewise if you meet them in person you can engage in cool manner about what you have to engage in and no more.

This happened to me with my sister in law and my ex sister I never to this day have spoke to either again.
I rang them back to say I’d heard what they had said. That was the end for me.

That's awful. Not quite the same, but I once received a text about 19 from my Mum which was meant for my Dad. Something along the lines of 'Spoilt little madam is now stealing from you. I've had enough. Will you deal with her or shall I?'

Spoilt my arse...I'd borrowed my Dad's jumper absent mindedly while leaving for work at 6.45am.

I just replied 'I don't think that was meant for me,was it?'

The silence was wonderful 🤣It took her about 45mins to write a reply,much less harshly worded but firmly reiterating I'd done a Bad Thing. I left it.

Got home after work,walked right past her and apologised to my Dad for taking it without asking. He was bewildered by the fuss and said 'Um...it's fine,I wasn't using it and it's cold in the morning'.

Her face was a picture.She apologised,but was ass kissing for days afterwards.

So yes,I agree with PPs. Let them know and enjoy as they squirm. If they don't say it to your face,they don't want you to know what they're really like/think and will be mortified.

Then keep a very wide berth from the pricks.

I would add that just because they say those things, it does not make them true.

(Actually it doesn't even mean they really mean it themselves as plenty of people talk utter rubbish showing off).

You absolutely must do this.

A similar thing happened to me once, and I regret not letting them know I'd heard. Once the moment had passed, it felt childish to bring it up. I'd send the text.

You have to remember that it's not personal and reflects badly on them. It's a nasty thing to do and they're obviously not pleasant individuals.

It's not quite the same situation but this used to happen to me a lot working in customer service. I'd frequently overhear people bitching about me.

I found the best tactic was to say, "I heard that". And then go silent and let them squirm.

This.
Oh and when you have to see them? dress up, put your best "who gives a shit about what you think" face on and smile. Life is far too short to deal with numpties like that.

Or, if you really want to make them uncomfortable

"Just so you know, you didn't end the call before bitching about me just now. As well as being hurt, I now feel like a food for defending you against all those who have been saying you are a pair of spiteful areseholes for years. That'll teach me not to listen."

Let them wonder.

"Hi, you hadn't hung the phone up and I heard you both mocking me. It was very hurtful." And blank them forever.

Yes, the best wording. They should know, and they should stew. I wouldn't say anything else. They'll probably try and make it your fault or make out you're unreasonable, but you know you're not.

That is awful. I would have to tell them. I wouldn't message though, I would call back and tell them, factually.

I would be inclined to text; "In future you might want to make sure you have hung up properly before you start discussing the person you just spoke to.

100% this...

And unless it's imperative that you have to see them I'd be adding words to the effect of don't bother associating with you when/if your in the same room.

No message, nothing. They don't deserve another moment of your time.

Love that.
But, hindsight is amazing.
I would go with wishimaywishimight’s suggestion- the text. And be prepared for all their rebuttals- “oh we didn’t mean it; etc etc.” Yes. They meant it.

Bottom line is that you now know they don’t like you. Thank God for that! Imagine living your life thinking that someone you like actually hates you. Shudder.
Unless you love pain (which I guess you don’t), why would you want to be friendly/know/hang around people you know do not like you.
If you want to be super petty, just cut them out of your life. Tell everyone you know that you overheard their end of telephone conversation. Period.