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Original poster

Just heard someone saying vile things about me when they thought they had put the phone down

240 replies

seventiesborn · 14/05/2025 12:28

I don’t know why but I’m shaking now. I called a relative earlier to give them some family news. I don’t really want to give too many details away but the conversation was civil and they thanked me for updating them. I then realised they hadn’t put the phone down and he started to imitate me to his partner and what I just said. His partner then started spouting off lots unpleasant things about me in the background and how she thinks I’m stuck up. I just hung up but I have to see them soon and wonder how I can react. I hate confrontation and I’m quite a quiet person.

OP posts:
ShiftingSand · 14/05/2025 14:10

By texting you won’t see their reaction, you’ll just hear crickets. Next time you see them you can drop into the conversation a few of the comments they made about you. That way they will realise you heard their opinion of you and then you can walk away.

OriginalUsername2 · 14/05/2025 14:12

TheFormidableMrsC · 14/05/2025 12:41

This is exactly what I would do. Sorry OP, that’s just horrible.

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This! They should feel some cheek burning shame and be the ones embarrassed when they next see you.

samarrange · 14/05/2025 14:13

The problem with sending the text that people are mentioning is that there is no going back. Which might be what you want, of course.

Otherwise I would be thinking of some more subtle way to sow uncertainty. For example, next time you see them, you could make up a story about something you saw on TV (or were present at in real life) where such an incident occurred. They can hardly say "Wow, glad we didn't forget to hang up before we went into one about you the other week".

Zebedee999 · 14/05/2025 14:16

seventiesborn · 14/05/2025 12:28

I don’t know why but I’m shaking now. I called a relative earlier to give them some family news. I don’t really want to give too many details away but the conversation was civil and they thanked me for updating them. I then realised they hadn’t put the phone down and he started to imitate me to his partner and what I just said. His partner then started spouting off lots unpleasant things about me in the background and how she thinks I’m stuck up. I just hung up but I have to see them soon and wonder how I can react. I hate confrontation and I’m quite a quiet person.

To be frank they seem jealous of you and they are the problem not you. Ignore it; you're the better person here.

BunnyLake · 14/05/2025 14:16

If you do want to draw it to their attention then @Wishimaywishimight ’s suggestion is good one.

It must have been very hurtful but try to remember the adage “what other people think of me is none of my business”. It can help to detach yourself from it. I don’t blame you for feeling upset by it though.

theressomanytinafeysicouldbe · 14/05/2025 14:17

Send a little text:

What is 6 inches long and goes dead in your hand? Obviously not your phone as it was still connected and I heard everything you said after the call 'ended'. Would you care to explain?

ChocolateCinderToffee · 14/05/2025 14:18

Wishimaywishimight · 14/05/2025 12:36

I would be inclined to text; "In future you might want to make sure you have hung up properly before you start discussing the person you just spoke to." I wouldn't let them away without letting them know I had I had heard them.

This and they won’t be able to remember what they said and won’t know how long you listened for.

Crucible · 14/05/2025 14:23

OP I'm so sorry that is so horrible and absolutely incredibly rude of them. You took the time to contact them and update them on a family matter and this is their behaviour? Shame on them - buckets of shame.

BruFord · 14/05/2025 14:26

Wishimaywishimight · 14/05/2025 12:36

I would be inclined to text; "In future you might want to make sure you have hung up properly before you start discussing the person you just spoke to." I wouldn't let them away without letting them know I had I had heard them.

Yes, please do as @Wishimaywishimight advises. They need to be called out on this and you can keep them at arm's length from now on. No favors, invitations from you, etc. If you're invited to the same event, be civil, but that's it.

sparrowflewdown · 14/05/2025 14:27

People say all sorts of things. They probably say as many nice things about you too. I would forget about it tbh.

GreenwayHouse · 14/05/2025 14:28

I would also send them the text that has been suggested by @Wishimaywishimight

I would be embarrasssed and ashamed if that was me. It might prompt them into apologising especially if you were calling with some upsetting news.

Sorry you had to hear that, OP.

Sugargliderwombat · 14/05/2025 14:32

Yep send that message. Very non confrontational but you can ignore and they know why whn you so see them.

ManchesterLu · 14/05/2025 14:35

Wishimaywishimight · 14/05/2025 12:36

I would be inclined to text; "In future you might want to make sure you have hung up properly before you start discussing the person you just spoke to." I wouldn't let them away without letting them know I had I had heard them.

Yeah, exactly this. And you don't have to see them. Life's too short to see people who clearly don't like you (more fool them).

If it's a big family get together then they're easily avoided. If it's a smaller group, just swerve the situation.

Honestly, if you tell them you heard, they will be incredibly mortified, and it'll be worth it.

LarkAscendingRose · 14/05/2025 14:39

Wishimaywishimight · 14/05/2025 12:36

I would be inclined to text; "In future you might want to make sure you have hung up properly before you start discussing the person you just spoke to." I wouldn't let them away without letting them know I had I had heard them.

Same

Icanttakeanymore1 · 14/05/2025 14:45

sprigatito · 14/05/2025 12:38

This is perfect. And then don’t see them. You don’t have to be confrontational, but you don’t have to just put up with it either.

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This. Also be careful they can't spin it to say you were listening in. Can you say something like Came out on my speaker phone.

All in writing, don't get drawn into anything unpleasant as they may try to get out of it by showing screen grabs.

So sorry OP. It is horrible.

MikeRafone · 14/05/2025 14:49

Wishimaywishimight · 14/05/2025 12:36

I would be inclined to text; "In future you might want to make sure you have hung up properly before you start discussing the person you just spoke to." I wouldn't let them away without letting them know I had I had heard them.

id wouldn't be giving them a next time

Id let them know

the way you spoke about me after you thought you put the phone down was despicable I shan't be calling you again to pass on information and letting you imitate me and say im stuck up.

AthWat · 14/05/2025 14:51

Glad to see nobody on this thread has ever said anything negative about anyone they don't like when they are not there, and therefore thinks that to ever do marks someone out as "horrible".

I mean, obviously, everyone does this. It doesn't mean they are awful; it means they don't like the OP. Lots of people don't like lots of people. What on earth do you think telling other people will achieve? Most of them will probably just think (although not say) "well, yes, we knew they didn't like you". At least she knows now. It's only unfortunate for her if she was under the impression they did like her, and she likes them.

Toptotoe · 14/05/2025 14:53

HeddaGarbled · 14/05/2025 12:51

My approach would be different and more along ‘grey rock’ lines: i.e. avoid their company as much as possible and when you do have to see them be polite but distant.

People are allowed not to like you. Now you know, you can relegate them to your outer circle of acquaintances.

This would be my reaction too. I wouldn’t give them the pleasure of knowing they had pissed me off.
They already think you're stuck up. You’ve nothing to lose by this approach.

Arina22 · 14/05/2025 15:00

My mum is always doing this.

She finishes a call, then talks about the person.

Half the time , she doesnt check if she has hung up the phone properly

Someone2025 · 14/05/2025 15:02

seventiesborn · 14/05/2025 12:28

I don’t know why but I’m shaking now. I called a relative earlier to give them some family news. I don’t really want to give too many details away but the conversation was civil and they thanked me for updating them. I then realised they hadn’t put the phone down and he started to imitate me to his partner and what I just said. His partner then started spouting off lots unpleasant things about me in the background and how she thinks I’m stuck up. I just hung up but I have to see them soon and wonder how I can react. I hate confrontation and I’m quite a quiet person.

They are gobby bitchy people who seem to think that quiter more reserved people are snobby, it’s a common enough assumption from gobby people, ignore them

It must be gutting but at least now you know what they are like

chatgptsbestmate · 14/05/2025 15:02

Its a shock because you didn't realise that they don't like you. Now you know, you can decide how to treat them going forward. It's fine that they don't like you, in the sense that not everyone will like you, but it's a shock, as I said

You don't like confrontation so you have to do what's right for you

If you continue to see them as normal you'll know what they think of you which might be difficult

I'd have to tell them that I heard what they said and that i no longer feel comfortable seeing them. I'd then go NC

This might not work for you

MrsMitford3 · 14/05/2025 15:05

Wishimaywishimight · 14/05/2025 12:36

I would be inclined to text; "In future you might want to make sure you have hung up properly before you start discussing the person you just spoke to." I wouldn't let them away without letting them know I had I had heard them.

Agree with all before me-hoping the numbers saying it is perfect will give you courage.

Horrible thing to have happen-don't blame you for being upset.

Keepingittogetherstepbystep · 14/05/2025 15:06

I'd be tempted to wait until you have to see them face to face. When one of the asks you to do something reply "aren't I too stuck up for that?"

I hate confrontation too but sometimes you've got to stick up for yourself in subtle ways.

PinkyFlamingo · 14/05/2025 15:12

Relative or not you don't need anyone in your life like this.

ChopstickNovice · 14/05/2025 15:23

Wishimaywishimight · 14/05/2025 12:36

I would be inclined to text; "In future you might want to make sure you have hung up properly before you start discussing the person you just spoke to." I wouldn't let them away without letting them know I had I had heard them.

I would do this too.