Random Man, Stupid Comment

[CrickityCrickets]

Bit of background: I've been struggling with disordered eating and calorie restriction for the last few months. I'm on the waiting list to be assessed by the doctors etc.

Today I had a moment of rationality and decided to go to Costa and have a hot chocolate and a slice of cake. Random Man in the queue next to me decided that it was his place to comment on my cake and said 'OOOh naughty but nice!'.

FFS.

Random Man fancied you. That was the only thing he could think of at the time. Honestly, don't let him take up space in your brain.

Totally get why that was really fucking irritating.

Awww, cheer up and give us a smile sugar tits!

😆

Joking! YANBU to be annoyed, but I think he was just being friendly. I'm sorry you are struggling with your eating. ❤ I hope you can get through it. 😘

Instead of crying I told Random Man that food doesn't have value and he looked perplexed by this concept.
Thanks for your solidarity guys.

Yes, that is annoying. People are weird.

Sounds like a totally normal comment to me, just someone being friendly.

However I don't live in the UK, you seem to have weird social mores!

It sounds like an innocent comment from someone trying to be friendly to me too

Why does anyone have to comment on something a stranger's eating, though? It's hardly a neutral comment to make either, it sounds pretty passive aggressively judgy.

Male entitlement.
One of those moments you look back on and wish you could have applied a swift knee to his nethers.
How many women would presume to comment on something an unknown man was eating in this way?
Innocent / friendly comment my arse.

I think based on your disordered eating this has probably upset you more than it would someone else. I would have just taken it as a passing comment of someone wanting to make friendly conversation. It doesn’t sound like there was any malice intended but I can see why it bothered you.

This - can’t imagine Random Woman saying that

I doubt he meant anything much by it - but it’s the sheer entitlement in even thinking of saying it

It honestly wouldn't have occurred to me that that comment was passive aggressive or judgy

Maybe he didn't come across well in person? or we just see it differently? I don't know 🤷‍♀️

Referring to calorific food as "naughty", when he knows full well that many many women have an issue with their weight?

I hope you throughly enjoyed every single sip and bite. It’s hard to ignore what’s going on inside your head as well as outside judgement, but try not to let one negative comment from a stranger stop you seeking enjoyment from small treats. We all deserve them!
If it makes you feel any better, I had a chocolate muffin out of Costa yesterday, gave DS age 5 a bit and he dropped it and we were surrounded by seagulls and I panicked and dropped my half. I’m 27 weeks pregnant and almost cried in the car on the way home. 😅

I was just giving my opinion

This would be a normal reaction to seeing a nice cake, but I’m middle aged and Welsh. He wouldn’t have known about your personal circumstances…

Oh good God.

Not everyone cares about food enough to think that was anything other than someone making conversation.

I have a severe sun allergy but if someone said "Lovely sunny day today", I'd just nod and smile.

I wouldn't remind them that it's not lovely for everyone and that actually some people may end up very ill, due to that sunshine.

Plus 'Naughty but nice' was an advertising slogan for cream cakes many years ago.

Oh don't be ridiculous.

It's a perfectly normal thing to say to someone.

I think it is a bit off-putting because he’s telling you his opinion on your food without you asking for it and passing judgment on what you’re eating. And it’s doubly annoying because of what you’re going through, though obviously he doesn’t know that. I think you can ask yourself ‘would he say this to a man?’ though and the answer would be no.

women make random small talk about food being naughty or cheeky all the time though, I’m not sure this has got anything to do with him being a man, sorry you felt it though

It's a stupid man thing. There are quite a few of them about. I've never known a female stranger comment on my food choices, but men have done it multiple times and it's included 'ooh, are you going to eat all that' about a standard meal. I'm lucky I don't have disordered eating or it could have been really upsetting instead of just irritating. Well done for not letting it put you off dealing with your eating issues.

In the early eighties it was an advertising slogan for fresh cream cakes

I am guessing that he would be of an age that it would be referencing that and you are of an age that has never heard it?

The clue there is that it was a slogan from the 1980s. When it was normal to say a lot of things that would make you cringe now.

If you want to initiate conversation in a coffee queue and you can’t think of anything better than ‘you shouldn’t be eating that cake but we all love to indulge ourselves don’t we, ha ha no offence just being friendly’ … take it as a sign that you have nothing to say that the other person wants to hear, and don’t say it.

Written by Salman Rushdie!