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Original poster

Random Man, Stupid Comment

161 replies

CrickityCrickets · 11/05/2025 20:30

Bit of background: I've been struggling with disordered eating and calorie restriction for the last few months. I'm on the waiting list to be assessed by the doctors etc.

Today I had a moment of rationality and decided to go to Costa and have a hot chocolate and a slice of cake. Random Man in the queue next to me decided that it was his place to comment on my cake and said 'OOOh naughty but nice!'.

FFS.

OP posts:
NomNomNominativeDeterminism · 11/05/2025 23:57

Next time, Random Man can invite views on Midnight’s Children and The Satanic Verses. Oh - the other person might have no interest in talking to him about this? Well there’s a thought.

gertrudebiggles · 11/05/2025 23:59

It would have given me the ick because it sounds like a cheesy chat up line, but I wouldn't have made any association with calories/weight issues etc.

NattyTurtle59 · 12/05/2025 00:12

Toooldforthisbollocks · 11/05/2025 22:36

Male entitlement.
One of those moments you look back on and wish you could have applied a swift knee to his nethers.
How many women would presume to comment on something an unknown man was eating in this way?
Innocent / friendly comment my arse.

I've heard plenty of women do this, more so than men. Heck, I've probably done it myself.

Honestly, do some of you actually live in the real world? Many of you seem totally socially inept, without a clue how to react to other people. Maybe you should all find caves to go and live in, then you wouldn't have to put up with these totally normal social interactions.

StandingOnYourMamasPorch · 12/05/2025 00:13

purpleme12 · 11/05/2025 22:32

It sounds like an innocent comment from someone trying to be friendly to me too

I guarantee he wouldn’t have said it to a man.

NattyTurtle59 · 12/05/2025 00:20

Honestly, it's so nice to leave MN and get out into actual life, where people are normal. I'm about to go to a cafe and I'll try not to have an attack of the vapours if someone should "presume to comment" on what I'm eating.

ThePerkyCoralPoet · 12/05/2025 00:21

People are fucking idiots when they do this. I hate it because no one knows the circumstances. I have an ED and my seamstress who fits some of my clothes said something about the fact that last time I looked like I hadn’t been eating and this time I looked different and like I’d been eating more. It really affected me and still has but I just directly told her I’d no longer be a customer because my weight is none of her business and not her place to comment on! It can be very triggering. I get you.

ZanzibarIsland · 12/05/2025 00:22

TyneTeas · 11/05/2025 22:54

In the early eighties it was an advertising slogan for fresh cream cakes

I am guessing that he would be of an age that it would be referencing that and you are of an age that has never heard it?

Flowers

I agree. I remember the ad campaign. That's where the catchphrase is from. He was repeating a silly advertising slogan rather than accusing the OP of anything.

mondaytosunday · 12/05/2025 00:35

I might say this. I wouldn’t say this to a man. But jeez we wouldn’t be able to say anything if we thought it might be ‘triggering’! My son said he was going to have a ‘cheeky Belgian bun’ the other day at the bakery. He said it about himself. He’s 21 and doubt anyone was offended.

purpleme12 · 12/05/2025 07:37

StandingOnYourMamasPorch · 12/05/2025 00:13

I guarantee he wouldn’t have said it to a man.

Show quote history

Ok

It's just my opinion

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 12/05/2025 07:46

It's a normal comment. We shouldn't police language. I can see how it would upset you given your history op but that's not his problem and he probably just liked you/ was being friendly.

Utterlyincandescently · 12/05/2025 07:58

I'm sick of everyone being triggered by every little thing. It's exhausting. Just roll your eyes and forget about it. Honestly.

I say this as someone with an eating disorder.

crackofdoom · 12/05/2025 08:00

I suppose that the response he was fishing for was a tinkly little laugh and something like "Ooh yes, I'm so naughty having a little treat, aren't I!"

Which- well, I suppose some people would be happy to chuck him that little biscuit and give him a warm glow of satisfaction at the expense of demeaning themselves slightly, but personally I'd be fixing him with a Paddington Bear stare and, if I was quick enough, responding exactly the way the OP did.

DefinitelyMaybe92 · 12/05/2025 08:03

I’ll be honest, I wouldn’t have thought any more of this than just a little passing joke and I have suffered from disordered eating myself in the past. It’s a shame that it has made you feel bad, but I wouldn’t dwell on it too much. It doesn’t sound like he was trying to make you feel bad.

ImaginedCorners · 12/05/2025 08:12

You could go with ‘If you think cake is naughty, where do you stand on necrophilia?’ or ‘Thank you for your comment, random man’?

saveforthat · 12/05/2025 08:15

TyneTeas · 11/05/2025 22:54

In the early eighties it was an advertising slogan for fresh cream cakes

I am guessing that he would be of an age that it would be referencing that and you are of an age that has never heard it?

Flowers

Yep. This. It wouldn't have bothered me at all.

saveforthat · 12/05/2025 08:19

ThePerkyCoralPoet · 12/05/2025 00:21

People are fucking idiots when they do this. I hate it because no one knows the circumstances. I have an ED and my seamstress who fits some of my clothes said something about the fact that last time I looked like I hadn’t been eating and this time I looked different and like I’d been eating more. It really affected me and still has but I just directly told her I’d no longer be a customer because my weight is none of her business and not her place to comment on! It can be very triggering. I get you.

I would have thought if your weight was anyone's business it would be hers as it directly affects her job of fitting your clothes.

myplace · 12/05/2025 08:22

I’d have been in the ‘just making conversation, you’re overthinking’ team a while ago.

Then I noticed that it’s almost always men. Men making random comments. Just being friendly.

Unknown women speak to each other, yes, but it’s generally purposeful. It’s not- ever- attention seeking.

The comments from men attention seeking. They never make the random comment to a man.

Once you’ve seen it, you can’t Unsee it.

Eccythumpy · 12/05/2025 08:27

I got " wow, that's a lot of food, no wonder you're a big strong girl".
I was shopping for 2 elderly neighbours, one of which was with me .
Im in my 50's so clearly not a girl.

Greenartywitch · 12/05/2025 08:32

''@purpleme12 · Yesterday 22:32

It sounds like an innocent comment from someone trying to be friendly to me too''

Do you think this man would have made that comment if the OP was a man?

Of course not.

I am also sick and tired of the concept that it is women's job to be 'friendly' and 'nice' to any random man who makes an unwanted comment.

MemorableTrenchcoat · 12/05/2025 08:42

Sounds like a normal, friendly piece of small talk. As others have mentioned, it was also the slogan for a well-known series of amusing cream cake adverts in the late ‘70s/early ‘80s.

Ratisshortforratthew · 12/05/2025 08:45

crackofdoom · 11/05/2025 22:41

Referring to calorific food as "naughty", when he knows full well that many many women have an issue with their weight?

Show quote history

Equally many women don’t. I’ve never had body image or weight issues and unless someone was morbidly obese or visibly anorexic I wouldn’t assume they had either. It’s a silly comment but a complete non-event. I can see why with OP’s history of disordered eating it felt like more of a big deal but to someone without that history I’m not sure why you’d give it a second thought.

BlakeCarrington · 12/05/2025 08:47

I think we should have a new law against small tak or any sort of friendliness between strangers. Then we can all go about our business in silence and ignoring each other and people won’t get offended by people being friendly.

GarlicPile · 12/05/2025 08:56

crackofdoom · 12/05/2025 08:00

I suppose that the response he was fishing for was a tinkly little laugh and something like "Ooh yes, I'm so naughty having a little treat, aren't I!"

Which- well, I suppose some people would be happy to chuck him that little biscuit and give him a warm glow of satisfaction at the expense of demeaning themselves slightly, but personally I'd be fixing him with a Paddington Bear stare and, if I was quick enough, responding exactly the way the OP did.

No, really, it's the same as saying "That looks nice". Most people think of cakes as "naughty", especially since it was the advertising slogan for cream cakes for years in the UK.

Maybe he was thinking of having cake, but trying to stick to his diet. Maybe he wasn't considering cake until he saw the slice on OP's tray. It's quite a bit less likely that he was exerting his patriarchal influence to elicit some specific behaviour from his fellow customer.

TasWair · 12/05/2025 08:59

FenywHysbys · 11/05/2025 22:43

This would be a normal reaction to seeing a nice cake, but I’m middle aged and Welsh. He wouldn’t have known about your personal circumstances…

I am also middle aged and Welsh, and would find it annoying that someone commented on my food, especially when giving it a moral value.

BunnyLake · 12/05/2025 09:06

I’ve said naughty but nice about cakes on and off for years but not usually to strangers but I get what you mean about random strangers (men) commenting.

I have to be honest though and say I would be irritated if it was some plain ol’ geezer but if it was a gorgeous guy I’d be more than fine with it. Shallow I know.