Party - Child not invited

[SuperSleepyBaby]

My child is very good friends with a girl who lives very close to us. They are both age 9.

This girl spends a lot of time at our house - hours and hours at the weekend- and my daughter and her get on very well and never fight. It is very good for my daughter to have this friend so close by.

the two girls are in the same class in school and play a good bit at school but not always.

my daughter was upset to hear in school that her friend is having a birthday and is inviting about 5 of the 12 girls from the class but not my daughter.

i know that’s just life - and the girl’s parents dont have to invite my daughter- but i feel very offended by this. I have this girl at my house for so many hours every week and happy to watch her if her mum needs to pop out to the shops etc. my daughter also goes to her house but mine is the main house where they play.

its just hard to explain to my daughter as she sees this girl as her best friend and the girl is always calling at the door to play with my daughter.

i can’t imagine doing the same thing in return. I would make an effort to include - but i guess not everyone is the same and maybe i’m too sensitive.

when my daughter asks why is she not invited- its hard to give a good answer as i want to protect her feelings to some extent but also dont want to be running down the friends mother. I just said I understand she feels left out - and all we can do is use it as lesson to how we might treat others.

i feel the friends mum is happy to use my daughter for long periods of playing - but is taking her for granted.

Don't do this. If your daughter is oblivious that is great, why would you point this out to her. Her (non) reaction is a good one, and will fare her much better in life rather than someone who feels inadequate gets sad, bitter and envious.

Tough one

But one thing is for sure, the mother is walking all over you, op

I think you should point out that good friends invite all their friends to a party. They don’t leave one out and they don’t lie. Don’t let this girl come round to your house. They can play outside. Keep telling her and her mum that you’re busy at weekends so she can’t spend all weekend at yours. Many children need to learn when someone is taking advantage of them.

What is the mum like with you? Are the 5 girls invited also going with their mums who are going to hang out together? It is indeed very strange that she isn’t invited. Given that the mum doesn’t care enough about how you and your daughter will feel, you shouldn’t feel bad to say ‘hello, no sorry I can’t have X over today, my daughter is just constantly worrying about the lack of party invitation, can you explain the issue, she tells me its to do with the venue? It’s probably best if they have a bit of a break until the party has been over for a while.’

I’ve said before it sounds a number issue - similar to our party

only 6 which means 5 friends and birthday girl

obv your dd isn’t one of the girls 5 fav friends

she has better friends at school

Just leave it. Your dd is dealing with this in the right way. It's rude of the mother but don't let it affect the kids friendship.

I think the mum,if she's got any remorse at the OP's daughter not being invited, knowing they spend a lot of time together, should at least offer the have the daughter around for a birthday tea or a trip out somewhere, especially when the daughter is around so much. Least they can do.

I'd ask the mum is there any way your daughter can celebrate her friend's birthday with her another time as she's hearing a lot about the party? I think the other mum is being cheeky.

Actually now you've said this..

I grew up with "Chris" a boy in the year above me, next door. If we were playing in our gardens we would shout over the fence at each other, and he was always coming over to ours. We sometimes went to his but not often because he had an older brother who was permanently irritated at the pair of us.

We didn't play at school really. I never went to any of his parties. I think the one party I had at home, he came to, but not a single swimming party or any other party I had out of the house.

He was someone I played with, lots... But only because he was the next door neighbour. If one of my best friends lived as close, I'd have been with her instead.

Not to say I didn't have a hoot with Chris. We had a great time growing up. But truthfully, if we didn't live near each other, we wouldn't have socialised at all really.

I’d quiz a little more about what the issue is with the venue ? Is your DD a few months younger and it’s an age thing ?

Fuming on your behalf. Please stop playing with this girl. Neither you nor your daughter are their unpaid help.

best teach her to stick up for herself now she isn’t anyone’s doormat- tell the truth and move on

The other mum,knowing her cheeky fuckery will probably say "Yes of course" and expect the op to sort it out at her house 🙄

A lot of years ago I had a friend who I went to school with and she lived a few doors away too. We were superclose at home and she always came to my house to play but the minute we went back to school she practically ignored me. This went on for months and it upset me no end. In the end I gave up, both our losses really. We both moved on. She clearly didn't value the friendship in the same way.

Hey op you have your answer now. Mum is not changing her mind. I think you should ask your dd to ask other friends over especially at weekends and if you can maybe start taking her on days out so she’s not reliant on this neighbour then at least you won’t feel used. Also on the day of the party get out for the day make sure dd has so much fun that she’s not bothered about the party.
If the other mum ever asks to take her dd say no sorry the girls aren’t really that close friends and after the party I’ve realised that my dd needs more friends and more independence and this is best for my dd. Just keep remembering your only neighbours and not friends with the mum. If she was a decent person she would have told her dd that your dd was to be included in her party but she hasn’t even considered your DD feelings. That what hurts.

This is exactly what they're doing. It's the parents who organise the parties, not the kids. I'd pull back from play dates for a while even just to make it clear to the girls mother that the r'ship isn't just one way.

This type of situation is so hard. When my son has parties I always say not to mention at school so nobody feels left out. But some kids are unkind unfortunately.

I some ways I think it's ok to have different friends in school, but then play out of school. It's probably better to not be joined at the hip. Encourage other friendships for your DD, so have playdates with other children and foster those, and perhaps reduce the time that the neighbours child comes over to once or twice a week.

Would let it go, yes, your daughter has had an explanation which she has accepted: would I forget, hell no and do not ask me for favours, ever.