Overwhelmed and my boyfriend keeps letting himself into my home and finding it in a mess

[2024riot]

I feel so bad because my boyfriend keeps letting himself into my place when I don’t expect him to be there and finding that I have left my flat in a real state
Embarrasingly so
he wasn’t meant to come until Monday
dreading going home as he will be so unpleasant

Yes original commenter seems completely lovely & Most Surely doesn't deserve the cruel cold criticism & disrespect this bloke gives her
To be honest he seems a right control freak & original commenter you can do Sooo Much Better 🤗

I'm sorry to say this but he sounds dreadful. Why has he got a key in the first place? And for him to react badly and be nasty? Sorry again but why are you with such a person?

Well done for telling him you need space. The next step is to change the locks on your front door & end the relationship. Do you have any close friends or family who can support you while you end things with him. You need to stay strong, having support will help you feel less overwhelmed & make you less vulnerable.

If the situation with him gets out of hand or he is refusing to leave your home you can call a friend to come over or the Police who will help you.

You have done so well to discuss this on here & tell him you need space....stay strong & reach out for support so you can end the relationship.

Take care of yourself OP.

@2024riot

"this has been a long time coming and today I actually feel relaxed"

Please, please hold on to this feeling. Any change, even a good one (and this is a good one!), can bring stress. So you need to remember that your first feeling was one of relief.

In fact, I'd write it down on a little piece of paper and tuck it in a pocket to pull out and read when/if doubt or frustration settles in.

Take your home one tiny bit at a time. This will be a marathon not a sprint.

I know they say 'ghosting' isn't a nice thing to do, but he isn't very nice either. So although I know you told him you need some space, if you decide that you'd just rather not have to deal with breaking up with him, just let the time keep passing. Hopefully he'll get the message.

Sounds like you'd rather be with the dog than with him and I don't blame you.

You make me smile op. Every post you spend a word or two detailing what a bellend your bf is, then paragraphs regaling about your dog. Learn to recognise what you actually want, not what you think you should want.

I totally get it. I hate unexpected visitors because I get easily overwhelmed and struggle to keep on top of things. I don't think anyone actually wants an untidy house, but with ADHD, life pressures/illness etc. it's not always possible to keep it how we want it. He's got no right to comment on YOUR house and if it's coming from a caring way then he would offer to help you not criticise.. especially when he's totally in the wrong just letting himself in.

Change the locks.

Just LTB. There is no future in this relationship.

Who's house is it anyway!!...blinkin cheek!!...firstly get ur keys back ...secondly tell him he wasn't invited to walk in without you there and he can keep his comments to himself ..if he dosent like a bit of a mess keep walking 🚶‍♀️ 🤣

Yes he shouldn't be criticising her when she's been so immensely lovely Generous & compassionate to him

Keep the lovely dog with you and change your locks then dump him by text. You will be much happier and so will the little dogo. You don't need this man making your life worse by his presence. If he once loved you, he does now does he? You
said you have made a lot of new friends since having the dog with you. That's just fantastic. You must be a very likable person to have made these new friends. Best wishes to you and your new best friend.

Sounds like you would be a lot happier without him. Get your key back.

Change the locks....change your number or block him.....RED FLAG! Good luck x

Your home is not the problem. Your boyfriend is. Dump him, hire a cleaner. Problem solved !

@2024riot

You need to break up with your boyfriend. He doesn't like you. He's just using you.

Get the locks changed so he won't be able to let himself in.

You could either give him back his dog or offer to take her off his hands

Why were you planning to sell your flat? Is he pressing you to sell?

Keep the dog, change the locks, bin the boyfriend. Happy days!

Hi OP,

I also have ADHD and I know what that overwhelming struggle is like to keep things clean. It's a nightmare! You're not alone. Don't be embarrassed because you, like me, are unable to neurologically function appropriately when it comes to cleaning. It's not something we do on purpose.

Firstly) Keep the dog, but kick the man

Secondly) The dog will do you good. Please do keep the dog. I have 3 dogs

Third) Did I say keep the dog and kick the boy already?

Fourth) It's going to be OK. You will be OK. Just get rid of this cockwomble. Once you do, please let us all know so we can celebrate this fantastic news with you.

@MustWeDoThis
thank you
the dog is going nowhere other than the holidays and events we have booked

It’s amazing to have all these supportive comments and when people are saying I am lovely I just feel surprised as it’s a long time since I have felt lovely
I haven’t spoken to him he is sulking quite badly and I am using the time to reflect and get the strength to do what I need to do
I used to think what my perfect day would be and they stopped including him normally they included me and the dog going to the beach and sharing a bag of chips

I can see he has behaved appalling and I am not sure how it has got to this

I used to tell him that he would end up making me ill with his comments about my past and that he though I was cheating on him but I would make myself ill by choosing to tolerate it

2024 riot
I have skipped a lot of comments
This is DOMESTIC ABUSE
He started of being lovely... They do
Now he takes you for granted and puts upon you and you are a quivering wreck

The dog is scared of him as he has been nasty to it
You are scared of him as he has been nasty to you
Why are you selling YOUR home. I hope it is nothing to do with his needs .

He doesn't love you , if he did he would respect you.
He loves himself and his needs,
He is using his mood unapologetically to guilt trip you
If you cannot bring yourself to take immediate action,
1 read womens aid about domestic abuse . He hasn't got to violence yet as you are compliant with his wishes . His dog however has witnessed his temper .

Set up discreet home security cameras to protect against burglary ( that's what you tell him ) . Pay or ask family to subscribe to the keeping of recordings . Also ring like doorbell cameras
Capture his behaviour to you and the dog .
You own the home then you are

If you have to dial 999 leave the line open it will be recorded.

Be prepared for him to turn the blame on you
Has he ever said ' sorry my mistake '

He accused you of having someone else as he is jealous. He reacts you as he wants you all to himself

YOU NEED TO END THIS RELATIONSHIP AND REBUILD YOUR OWN LIFE .

if he demands the dog back say you'll give it back if the handover is observed by RSPCA as the dog is scared of him

P.s my husband was arrested for domestic abuse . I had evidence that could go to court.
Our son is scared of him . At first I still had feelings for him . Gradually my self respect kicked in

Time and date on things .
Diaries
Audio
Video
Proof is protection

His bad behaviour to you is getting worse . It will get worse again when you stand up to him so swift action needed .

If he starts bashing the door when you lock him out . Call the police

You own the home you can lock him out . If his name was on the deed it would be more difficult.

His house probably is spotless . He is never there to mess it up .

Yes he drops in on you randomly. Where else does he live ? ....

The flat can tidy and sell
Step one stop buying stuff
Step 2 . Chuck out anything you don't use regularly or were given but don't like . Him and everything he owns ( apart from the dog who you are safeguarding from him ) report him to RSPCA .