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Original poster

Overwhelmed and my boyfriend keeps letting himself into my home and finding it in a mess

306 replies

2024riot · 01/05/2025 16:36

I feel so bad because my boyfriend keeps letting himself into my place when I don’t expect him to be there and finding that I have left my flat in a real state
Embarrasingly so
he wasn’t meant to come until Monday
dreading going home as he will be so unpleasant

OP posts:
InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 01/05/2025 17:03

Tell him you need your key back because it’s not working that he comes round unannounced and unexpected.

Bananalanacake · 01/05/2025 17:03

He's making you look after the dog as a way to control you, what would happen if you made him take the dog back? it is not your responsibility.

SeventeenClovesOfGarlic · 01/05/2025 17:04

You're dating a man who sulks at you, enters your property without your knowledge and is bad to your dog?

Dump him, and don't make your dog be around him again.

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Relationship problems
BrightOrangeDahlias · 01/05/2025 17:04

Hang on, please tell me you're not forking out for a dog sitter too, OP...?

GildedRage · 01/05/2025 17:05

When you dread going home due to someone in your life, you know a boundary has been crossed.
ADHD or not, this fellow isn’t the right one for you, or you for him if he’s fastidious.
Sounds like you enjoy the dog though.

Exitpursuedbygeese · 01/05/2025 17:06

Either you have to be joking or you have to get rid of him immediately (the boyfriend, to be clear, feel free to keep the dog if it makes you happy).

Original poster
2024riot · 01/05/2025 17:07

BrightOrangeDahlias · 01/05/2025 17:04

Hang on, please tell me you're not forking out for a dog sitter too, OP...?

I have pretty much taken the dog off him as she hides when he is there and refuses to go with him
I don’t mind doing things for her it’s just he isn’t pleasant to either of us a lot of the time
I would worry what would happen to her if I gave her back
we used to be happy together but now he is unpleasant to me a lot of the time and quite tight with his money

OP posts:
AlwaysFreezing · 01/05/2025 17:07

He's not nice to his dog? Mate. This man is no good.

And he sulks? This man is no good.

And has the audacity to let himself in unannounced and then sulk and complain about your home?

This man is no good.

You can do better.

Hadalifeonce · 01/05/2025 17:09

Please, OP, don't allow yourself to be treated this badly by anyone; especially someone who is supposed to be your partner.
It's very obvious he doesn't actually care for you.
Get your key back and tell him to go and not come back.

Original poster
2024riot · 01/05/2025 17:11

I know actually verbalising it to myself makes me realise how horrible it is
I did have a picnic planned for myself and the dog and we were going to go over the park so she could play with her ball and catch up with all the friends I have made since I had her
instead I will be making him dinner, apologising for the worst bits of myself and I know he will have dogs about how he thinks I am cheating on him

OP posts:
Original poster
2024riot · 01/05/2025 17:12

And thank you everyone it is making me feel less lonely than speaking to ChatGPT

OP posts:
SeventeenClovesOfGarlic · 01/05/2025 17:12

2024riot · 01/05/2025 17:11

I know actually verbalising it to myself makes me realise how horrible it is
I did have a picnic planned for myself and the dog and we were going to go over the park so she could play with her ball and catch up with all the friends I have made since I had her
instead I will be making him dinner, apologising for the worst bits of myself and I know he will have dogs about how he thinks I am cheating on him

Why would you apologise and serve him food, when you could dump him and enjoy life?
He's an irredeemable scumbag.

Is there any self esteem courses you can look into?

RampantIvy · 01/05/2025 17:14

Why are you still with him? He makes you unhappy, so get the key off him and dump him.

SheilaFentiman · 01/05/2025 17:14

He’s a git. Bin him.

MemorableTrenchcoat · 01/05/2025 17:14

2024riot · 01/05/2025 16:58

It is really messy though
well hidden mess so the dog sitter doesn’t notice when she comes to get the dog

It can’t be that messy if it’s so well-hidden a visitor doesn’t notice it.

EmpressaurusKitty · 01/05/2025 17:14

Leave the bastard. Do it now while you still have your own home & you’re not married or pregnant.

Illprobqblychangemynameagain · 01/05/2025 17:14

Dump him and go and get therapy. Your self esteem shouldn't be this low that your acceoting/enabling such bad behaviour.

Treat yourself better

ErrolTheDragon · 01/05/2025 17:18

2024riot · 01/05/2025 17:11

I know actually verbalising it to myself makes me realise how horrible it is
I did have a picnic planned for myself and the dog and we were going to go over the park so she could play with her ball and catch up with all the friends I have made since I had her
instead I will be making him dinner, apologising for the worst bits of myself and I know he will have dogs about how he thinks I am cheating on him

Kick him out and have a picnic with the dog, unless by some miracle he’s turned into a decent person.

TheGrimSmile · 01/05/2025 17:18

He sounds like a dick. And he's unkind to his dog. That tells you all you need to know. You need to get rid of him. I'm worried about the dog though.

BrightOrangeDahlias · 01/05/2025 17:19

Op you sound like you've started to make a lovely life you and doggo, with your trips to the park and new friends. He doesn't deserve you - I can promise your life will be much lighter if you're not worrying about managing his moods and defending yourself from his jibes.

user1471538283 · 01/05/2025 17:20

What the hell? Life is too short to dread going back to your own home. Tonight you get the key off him and make him leave. Keep the dog because it sounds like you've got friends because of her. If he starts call the police.

If someone can be cruel to an animal they can be cruel to a human.

Do not under any circumstances sell your flat and move in with him.

SlagPit · 01/05/2025 17:21

He can fuck off. Poor you and poor dog.

FinallyHere · 01/05/2025 17:22

sulker Just no.

do your future self a favour , change the locks (look it up on you-tube ) and bin him off.

ARichtGoodDram · 01/05/2025 17:24

He's vile to you and the dog is scared of him - that says that he's been nasty to the dog as well.

It's none of his business how your flat is. It really isn't. Your home is yours to live in however you want

Are you paying for the dog sitter?

WeeOrcadian · 01/05/2025 17:26

Bollocks to that OP

Change the fucking locks and bin him off

Does he have ANY redeeming qualities??? It doesn't sound so