Overwhelmed and my boyfriend keeps letting himself into my home and finding it in a mess

[2024riot]

I feel so bad because my boyfriend keeps letting himself into my place when I don’t expect him to be there and finding that I have left my flat in a real state
Embarrasingly so
he wasn’t meant to come until Monday
dreading going home as he will be so unpleasant

Why are you selling your flat, @2024riot?

I sincerely hope you’re not planning to move in with this depressing specimen of manhood or buy anywhere with him?

Apart from that it sounds as if you’ve been carrying the expense of housing and feeding his dog for some time?

Just carry on with your plans for the evening, pausing only to tell the wanker that you want him gone, without your keys, before you return.

He sounds genuinely awful, and you really don’t need him and his carping, sulky and unsupportive bollocks in your life or your home.

Good grief woman, boot him out this evening!! And don't let him take the dog!

Look I know it's difficult - you're in the middle of this and can't see a way out. Someone who you care for and thought cared for you is clearly demonstrating that he doesn't . You knew this when you posted here and you wanted the re-assurance your gut was right. Well all of us, have said yes - you're right. This person doesn't care about you, is nasty to you and the dog.

So you need a plan. When you get home - say something like - wasn't expecting you until Monday so you'll have to take me as you find me. If he moans - rinse and repeat. I personally think you need to get rid, however I understand that is a big step. And I tell you what - you are so worth that big step. No one deserves to be verbally abused, and yes that's what's happening - verbal abuse

Get rid of him and keep the dog, he deserves neither of you. Fgs do not move in with him, change locks or get your keys back.

Keep the dog as it seems you like to spend time with him/ her and tell him to fuck off!!

How dare he!! How dare he criticise your home! How dare he make you feel this way!!

Change the lock, so you don't even have to ask for the key back. Tell him it's over and you're keeping the dog. Life will be a lot better.

Change the lock, so you don't even have to ask for the key back. Tell him it's over and you're keeping the dog. Life will be a lot better.

Why are you with him, he sounds vile. Nobody should let themselves into someone else's house, criticise them, sulk and be unpleasant. Why is he even in your house, not his own?

Seriously-you have no ties to this man! Go home, say, 'this isn't working out,' take the key to your home off him and go and live the rest of your life.

Take back the key and take the dog to a rehoming centre.

You’re making a choice to live like this. He’s only a boyfriend that doesn’t even live with you.

Why not just tell him to fuck off?

I think the bigger issue is he’s a vile entitled BF and why on earth are you with him? What gives him the right to lord it over you re the tidiness of your home. The fact the dog hides when he visits and refuses to go with him speaks volumes.

"he isn’t that kind to her"

You need to leave him op. How well a man treats his pets/ his family/ his kids is a sign of his moral compass and his general values. If he's been looking after the dog so badly that you've had to take over then really you've no future with this guy.

It sounds like he doesn't respect your home or your boundaries. Has less empathy than he should and the fact he'd be annoyed with you rather than concerned for you is telling.

Absolutely ditch him it doesn't sound like he's the support you need in your life.

In terms of the mess, I found making a cleaning routine really helped me plus following along with some good insta accounts like "confident mom" which focus on creating manageable home routines to keep things ticking over. I also had counselling and tried to see my home as an extension of myself and focus on it's value and looking after it/ myself.

Why punish the poor dog over this though? Her nasty BF has already traumatised it and OP has made good progress with her!

Don't have children with this man. You'll be tied to him for decades.

He should make your life better not worse.

Get back the key and keep the dog is a better plan.

Change the locks. Change the boyfriend too.

What the fuck?

I don’t understand why you are still with him?

Leave him

anyone cruel to dogs is a grade A cunt

if she doesn’t like him, there’s a reason

Not if the visitor only picks the dog up on the doorstep

There is a lot of minimising of the OP's home conditions on this thread because people are rightly outraged at the boyfriend's shit behaviour. But if the home is genuinely in a very poor condition then you'll be much happier if you get a handle on it OP.

Oh you and the dog deserve so much better. End this relationship, change the locks and keep the dog. Enjoy your evenings.

You do know you don't have to be in a relationship if its not making you happy don't you?

You sound so passive. Get your keys back and get him to fuck off out of your life.

I have ADHD too @2024riot and I HATE people coming in to my house as I can't keep on top of things.

Firstly get your key back. Secondly tell he has no right to be nasty to you. It's your house and now he never has to see it again! Thirdly, spend your new found freedom working on your self esteem and boundaries.

All my best!

Sarcasm.

I assume.