Well I've just lost my daughter due to the Supreme Court ruling. s

[Lucelady]

So as not to drip feed she's a Ftm trans person and a universty student.
I've just been called a TERF, JKR supporter and transphobic. We've had four years of peace and understanding with her not wanting any surgery or hormones. She listened to the ruling last week and we chatted it through. The last few days she's been glued to the Internet and her phone. Now it's all changed and her 'friends' have called for action. What that action is I've no idea.
She's stormed out.

I'm sorry, this must be really hard for you. Universities are extremely captured. It's not okay for her to call you names or be abusive towards you.

I’m really sorry to hear this OP.
I don’t know what the answer is.

I'm sorry you're going through this OP.

If it helps, it is my experience that the University and 20s can be some of the most tempestuous and difficult parenting years of all, even before this current controversy.

Stay calm if you possibly can, and be the parent in this stormy sea. Better times probably lie ahead. 😘

That must be difficult for you OP but i dont understand your post. If you've had 4 years of peace and understanding what has changed now? Unless this is a massive drip feed and you were actually involved with the supreme court decision and she's just found out.

What a difficult, worrying, stressful time you must be going through.

I've been impressing on my DC that the human brain takes approximately 25 years to grow and develop into adulthood, a lot longer than other parts of the human body. As long as your DD keeps this in mind, hopefully all will not be lost.

She has convictions and is engaged. Appreciate that's cold comfort. Absolutely key is that you don't lose your child altogether.

It’s difficult if your views clash, that’s not clear from your post, why has your child stormed out? What was the trigger to call you names?

@JasmineAllen not involved with the ruling but law graduate so I'm interested in legislation.

Daughter was listening to the ruling and started getting aggressive. I asked her to review it again. She's been in her room most of Easter and I merely asked her if she was OK. I got hit with a torrent of abuse and half truths about things she believes I've done or said. A real teenage rant and she's 21.
I've had eight years of trying to help her.

You haven't lost her due to the court ruling, you have lost her due to the echo chamber that she is living in re SM and those that she is has chosen to hang around at university.

She's a ftm trans person but wants to be referred to as she/her and as your daughter? Then why does she have a problem with the ruling?

"I asked her to review it again"

what does that mean... don't you just want to say "I'm so sorry you're upset about this" and then listen and be her cheerleader? What is there to "review"

That's a very dramatic title. You had a disagreement. She has her viewpoint you have yours.

Sorry to ask this, but if we’re talking about a FTM trans person and you’re using F pronouns and saying “daughter”, have you really been living in harmony together?

It’s the conflict in views that is pushing you two apart. Why do you think it is the ruling? You weren’t doing a told you so, gloat and smirk when “chatting through the ruling” I presume?

Sorry to hear you’re going through this. I was there for a few years with my DD.
“They know not what they do”. is how I feel about young girls being swept up by this. Don’t take any of it personally.

Try to have faith that she’ll find her way and try show her that you’re not worried about her, convey a confidence in her that you know she’ll be okay in life. I really think this helps.

The trans activists want people to fall out with their families, it’s almost the “in thing” to do. Stop talking about it and let it die out. Don’t take the bait.

@shockthemonkey last year she announced she was a women and had no issue with her birth name although her friends call her a male name.
She has a male boyfriend and wants children. No one in our family calls her by anything but her birth name and she has never asked us to. She has never changed her name.

Thanks for clarifying! Sounds very fluid (and not in my direct experience). Hope she comes round soon!

How is she a FTM trans person then?

Your daughter is not a ftm trans person @Lucelady she is a normal biological woman who possibly has a mental health disorder.
I imagine that nothing you can say or do will satisfy her attention seeking perceived injustices.
Keep your own counsel and continue to treat her as you always have. She may grow up one day but I do despair for those young people who have been caught up in this madness.

God knows. I'm just as confused for nearly a blinking decade. That's what she identifies as at university and through most of secondary school. She dresses in what she claims is male attire. The number of teachers and professors who have questioned me over her status is testement to this.

I guess it follows that if she doesn't think "man" or "woman" refer to sex then surgery and hormones would be irrelevant. So at least she's consistent (unlike the TW who call.women TERFs for saying women are female, then going and attempting to make themselves look female!)

Hopefully this is one step back out of the steps forward and she's working things through?

Sounds hard. Not wishing to derail...but why on earth are university professors asking you about how she dresses?

My grand daughter has stopped talking to me because I said i supported J K Rowling. She won’t come to visit me now.

She'll be being whipped up by the endless online posts about this - mainly from people who haven't quite understood what the ruling is or what it does and doesn't mean. It was a clarification of an Act that was written 15 years ago.

If she's genuinely interested then the judgement actually set out why they had to reach that conclusion.
And no other workable definition of woman (or man) was ever offered up.

I don’t understand, is she FTM or MTF? If she “announced” that she I a woman, I’d assume MTF but your OP said FTM.

You haven’t lost her because of the ruling, it’s because of influence of the people around her. It will calm down though.