Well I've just lost my daughter due to the Supreme Court ruling. s

[Lucelady]

So as not to drip feed she's a Ftm trans person and a universty student.
I've just been called a TERF, JKR supporter and transphobic. We've had four years of peace and understanding with her not wanting any surgery or hormones. She listened to the ruling last week and we chatted it through. The last few days she's been glued to the Internet and her phone. Now it's all changed and her 'friends' have called for action. What that action is I've no idea.
She's stormed out.

Being captured means taking on the ideology for the sake of public appearance, not because it’s a sincerely held belief.

Do you really believe all the male CEOs think TWAW and would date/sleep with one? Of course they wouldn’t. But they grin and pose with TW staff for photos and proudly declare their support while expecting their female staff to share loos, changing rooms, staff awards etc with them.

Nobody pretends to support Reform for the sake of their public image, because frankly most right thinking people would think less of you.

The whole ‘[trans]Men can be pregnant’ confuses me no end. If you feel you are a Man why on earth would you want to do about the most Female thing it’s possible to do? I’ve heard the argument that they can still want children, but a lot of Gay men want children and don’t just ‘switch it off’ to do it the traditional way, they adopt, or use IVF with a female co-parent (or use surrogates but that’s a whole different controversy in itself). The idea that a Transman can and would decide just not to be when it suits makes a mockery of everything.

Thing is, it’s not entitlement. It’s ND and/or vulnerable young people who are desperate to belong to feel a sense of community, often because that was denied them due to their differences and exacerbated by the increased social isolation that was facilitated by covid/lockdowns.

This particular generation have been blighted by the increase in tech/SM/parents ill prepared for both and the impact of being shut at home and away from peers at significant developmental periods during puberty. They need less judgment and better support. As do parents trying to navigate this along side them in the hope they will get to the other side of this with their bodies intact.

Yes, but reigning in the drama might benefit everyone. When she put lost I initially thought she meant she'd one non contact or commited suicide .

Like with Scientology.
Or Islam.
Or Judeo-Christianity.
Or when someone can throw a water bottle and have it land upright.

Nonsense.

The ruling changes very little. You can identify as what you like, but you can't force others to. I wonder why your daughter has reacted so strongly?

It’s a funny world we live in.

We also had a similar thing here. My child (has been identifying as trans for several years) suddenly last night said that if I don’t use the chosen name and pronouns they are leaving.
last week we were getting on fine, having adult conversations, not necessarily agreeing but amicable.
Their mental health has taken a massive hit since the ruling

@Oblomov25 I've no idea why anyone feels so strongly.

Maybe so, but people and society need to stop letting them having such authoritarian free reign and ability to control others thoughts and words!
'Oh you can't say that....X is really sensitive just now, so we're doing what they want and adjusting what we say'....

My family member talks a lot about taking hormones and surgery but never actually does it, refers to herself as trans man but uses birth name, never asked us to change pronouns.

Her reason is nhs is slow.

Dogsasleep

"Their mental health has taken a massive hit since the ruling"

Have they been able to say why?

Because nothing much has changed.

I'm sorry, OP. I really am. At that age, she should not verbally abuse you, but I have a sense she's also doing it because she can and because, deep down, she probably has some doubts but those are too terrifying to address, so it's easier to double down and yell at her mother who will always love her.

If someone said to me, "You're a man!" I'd not be angry or threatened. I'd be rather amused or feel pity for the person expressing such a crazy sentiment. One time a man in a wheelchair called me 'sir' and when he realized his mistake, he looked quite scared, but I laughed lightly and reminded him that we all look androgynous in the winter (I live in a very cold area where bundles of coats, scarves and hoods are de rigeur). I fear for the disabled people who correctly sex trans identifiers...I hope they aren't abused.

I'm a woman and that is a fact, not a feeling or an identity. The irrational anger of trans-identifying and TRAs comes from the rest of the world poking a pin in their balloon of lies. She's extra angry now because the facade she wanted to try on has been torn down. It's the fatal last stand of a dying belief system. She's lashing out because, for the rest of the world, the fantasy's over. She's knows it, so maybe find a way to give her grace while she stumbles out of the cult. You can demand she treat you with respect, but maybe don't talk about it. Make her some soup and ask if she's okay.

Yes. There is a line between showing understanding and compassion and acceding to their ‘authoritarian free reign’. The SC ruling has established where that line is. If we want to entice vulnerable young people to cross that line we need to hold our hands out in conciliation, not bash them over the head with I told you sos.

So sorry OP. There's been some good advice on here. One thing worth remembering is that many transactivists are very keen on driving a wedge between the young and their parents / families. There's a running narrative that boundaries, parenting and different views equals disrespecting young people and erasing their identities so parents are best abandoned.

It's very tough but in so many cases, they do come back to us - although it's very scary being in the midst of it all.

It is an observation on my part. The outrage and hysteria in the online community about the ruling is unbelievable. Being immersed in that world is in my opinion highly damaging

I'm so sorry for your situation. My younger - ASD daughter decided last year that she (they) was non binary. For some years, since she was at uni she was very wrapped up in the trans movement and tbh I was just delighted that she'd plumped for being non binary rather than wanting to be a transman. Before this she had identified as lesbian.
We get on really well and she is a lovely, kind and caring person with a strong sense of social justice which I'm very proud of. We manage to continue to get on by basically never discussing anything trans related. She has her opinions and I have mine and we try our best to be mutually respectful. We have had no discussion of the SC ruling as there would be no point - why antagonise each other? Neither of us is ever going to change our opinions but we love each other so we muddle along ignoring the elephant in the room.
I'm not sure is this approach or a modified version of it could work for you?
BTW I refer to her as they in her presence because it makes her happy and costs me nothing.
We life in a world that can be very difficult to navigate.

It's one thing having thoughts and feelings you feel are valid and it's another flying off the handle and being abusive with, according to the OP, no provocation.

I'm so confused with all this talk, it feels like made up crap because kids are bored and attention seekers in this day and age. 'I'm a female non female male fluid liquid seahorse and don't you dare call me she I am an it bit flea shit, actually scrap that I don't know what I am but what I do know is it's all your fault by giving birth to me'.

Thank God the supreme Court pointed out the obvious.

In regards to the post OP I feel very sorry for you, you don't deserve this abuse from your child.

Nailed it

And this is definitely a very drip drip drip thread

Their mental health has taken a massive hit since the ruling.

I think when you live in a bubble removed from reality it must be quite a shock when you're reminded it's not real so emphatically.

Why wouldn't you use their preferred pronouns and name though? And refer to them as son or daughter depending on their preference?

Love is about acceptance of the now. Whether they change or grow out of it or not. And right now trans teens need more love and support than ever. People complain about groomers etc — not accepting your kid is the best way to push them onto someone who will care but may or may not have their best interests at heart.

OP I'm in a similar situation with son who wants to be a daughter. Age 21 but more like 18/19. I don't have the solution but we keep things "light" and keep him focused on studies/getting into career of choice after university etc. We try not to make it all a 'thing' and just let time move on so no decisions are made in haste.

That said we have had the blazing rows about whether we "accepted" him or not (our response is always "we love you, that will never change") and on one occasion he stormed out and said he was "going home" (halls) when abroad on holiday with us but we found him outside sad and upset. All he wanted was a cuddle. Like I say, quite emotionally young.

I called him on the day of the ruling and he didn't bring it up, seemed totally happy and was telling me about a part-time job interview he's got alongside studies ...

It is tricky though. Very tricky. There are many strident voices out there. But ultimately it's not up to us. And if you asked him I know he'd say he feels loved and supported by us.

You should love and support your child. I couldn’t imagine having philosophical beliefs that when put into practice were harmful for my child. They would always come first.

Lol. Objective reality is not a philosophical belief, and any harm caused is not from accepting objective reality