Well I've just lost my daughter due to the Supreme Court ruling. s

[Lucelady]

So as not to drip feed she's a Ftm trans person and a universty student.
I've just been called a TERF, JKR supporter and transphobic. We've had four years of peace and understanding with her not wanting any surgery or hormones. She listened to the ruling last week and we chatted it through. The last few days she's been glued to the Internet and her phone. Now it's all changed and her 'friends' have called for action. What that action is I've no idea.
She's stormed out.

Can someone please explain what "captured" means. I did ask on an earlier thread on this topic and did not get a reply. Is it only applicable in differences of opinions about transgender matters or does it apply to other major differences of opnion? One of my nieces has to her familiy's utter shock announced that she is joining the Reform party and has become very aggressive about her support for Nigel Farage, her mum cannot reason with her, has she been "captured"?

If you got hit with a torrent of abuse for asking if she's okay and she's 21 it sounds like, and I mean this in the nicest possible way, she has a lot of growing up to do and it's got nothing to do with the SC decision. By the time you're 21 you should be able to handle your emotions better than that.

I'm sorry, it's difficult OP. I have a daughter with mental health issues. She doesn't believe she's male but she did have another type of body dysmorphia, anorexia.

It's a form of brain washing, OP, and she's likely been exposed to an awful lot of it at Uni. Some of the trans activists are spouting pure poison. I'd stop giving the whole issue any attention and just focus on what she's doing rather than what she thinks.

Being “captured” is the psychological and emotional process where a person becomes deeply entangled in an ideology making it hard for them to see that group’s harmful aspects.

Lots and lots of tongue biting and just keeping your gob shut for the next two years I absolutely promise you they do come back to you
At 25, my daughter is unrecognisable from 21

This makes no sense. You're referring to them as 'she' and say 'she' says she's a woman and has kept her birth name, but also say they're FTM trans? And I am struggling to believe that university staff make any comment whatsoever on a student's clothing choices.

There are women on here who have actually lost children so imo your title is offensive.

Nothing has been lost aside from the oppression of women.

I've just caught up with the rest of the thread and I'm even more confused now. So she's not a trans man as stated in the original post. Your daughter is a straight 21 year old woman with a boy friend (and a tendency to fly off the handle by the sound of it)?

To me, this sums up the whole ridiculous mess, entirely conjured up by a small group of extremists.

I have no advice OP, but I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with your family harmony being toyed with by these zealots.

What have you argued about? Why does she need to know you are a ‘TERF’ or a ‘JKR supporter’?

I don’t sing about it to the trans people I know.

She sounds extremely confused, is she having therapy?
does she present more as a male or a female?

I'm struggling to believe that university staff have any contact with the parents of their students where they could ask such things.

This sounds incredibly stressful and difficult OP. I place the blame squarely on the shoulders of those who have whipped people into a frightened frenzy about the ruling last week.

Does she have somewhere safe to storm off to? If you know that she will have gone back to her student accommodation, boyfriend’s place, then I’d just leave her to it for a few days then message her about something totally ordinary and unrelated.

I would show her nothing but empathy around her rage and disappointment despite being totally GC. This WILL be a massive blow to her and she is angry and upset.

Tell her you understand and even if you are not in full alignment you will always respect her. You may feel she will grow out of it, but maybe she won’t - in which case you need to find a way to have a respectful and lioving relationship with her regardless. She is the most important thing here, don’t let it polarise. Whatever way it goes, remain so caring of her and her feelings.

She wants to be edgy at uni, and proclaiming herself as a transman there gets her attention only trouble is she is a straight woman with no real inclination to be anything else

She's in a cult OP. You won't ever be able to help her until she wakes up and leaves it. Just let her know you'll be there for her.

Why did you feel the need to discuss the court ruling with her? She's an adult and not hurting anyone.

I have 2 children at uni and I have never had any contact from any of the uni staff. I can imagine if the university had serious cause to be concerned about a students welfare they'd contact the parents though, but only with the students consent because they are adults after all.

So she's a vaguely spicy straight drama queen.

I wouldn't be too worried a out a little flounce.. she's not even trying.

The amount of confusion about the OP's daughters gender identity is why the SC ruling was so necessary.

The OP's daughter is a transman because she says so. Her name, pronouns and gender expression are her business but you must remember she is a man.

This is self ID in action.

I wouldn't make a big deal out of her flounce. She's not having surgery or taking hormones so she will probably grow out of it in the next couple of years.

She wears male brands if there's such a thing.
The university haven't asked about her clothing just the use of two first names.

@Hastentoadd She tall but small hands etc and wears jewellery and cosmetics. She is softly spoken.

I'm sorry if I've offended anyone re my op title. For completeness I saved her life when this all started years ago. She still sees a counsellor.

Being “captured”

Used to be called "brainwashed"

I don't wish to be dismissive, but I just wonder how she would react if you announced that you were bisexual or identified as a man and asked to be called 'Dad'. My guess is that she is experimenting and being deliberately contrary. I have a feeling that she would be quite hypocritical in her views if you suddenly changed gender.

agree with this. DD has several FTM friends, they present as male, have male names (some changed legally), family now refer to them as he/him, etc. I do agree with pp though that universities are a breeding ground, especially the creative courses it seems.