A thread for those who don’t have friends in real life.

[Showmethefood]

Hi everyone,

I don’t know how to start this thread, so we’ll just go with being plain honest! I’m in my 30s and I don’t have any friends in real life! Of course I have acquaintances/people I can chat to if at certain events - but no real life friends 🙈

It’s really hard to feel accepted for who you are sometimes, and so many of us have to alter our personalities to try and fit into the work environment (or even to fit in with our families). So, I wanted to start a thread for all those who don’t have friends in real life. A place where people can come and leave updates on how their day has gone, how they are feeling, what their interests and hobbies are, and just have a good chat!

So, a little about me:
Im married and have a teenager.
I have a gorgeous cocker spaniel.
Ive almost (one year left) completed my degree in psychology and counselling.
I have just written my first children’s book and am currently in the process of self publishing it.
Im starting a new job in a school this Friday.

Please feel free to join and let’s keep this thread a safe place where we can (hopefully) begin to make some friends and not feel so alone. ❤️

Hi! May I join you? I’m 50, married, lots of acquaintances that I foolishly thought were friends. I think I struggle with the effort of maintaining friendships in real life. I can’t actually remember the last time I socialised with anyone other than DH.
3 kids (15, 15 and 12), 1 dog, 2 cats and 2 guinea pigs.
Work for the NHS in a non-clinical role. I have ADHD. 2 weeks ago I ran Brighton marathon.

Hi everyone. 👋🏻 I’m another introvert.
Married with no children but plenty of animals. I used to enjoy night clubs and drinking in 20’s. I’m now practically tee total ( due to early starts with said animals). I have a few friends who are happy to chat if I suggest calling at theirs for a catch up, but they never phone me first or invite me round, so not true friends as I have to do all the running.
Husband is also an introvert, so we live in our own little bubble.
I would really love to have just that one friend who messages just because she’s thinking about me, someone who WANTS to meet up and chat over coffee.
Its very difficult to make friends as an adult isn’t it?

Hi both and welcome. @MyGhastIsFlabbered nice to meet a fellow ADHDer 😊. I was supposed to be doing my uni essay today and have found it completely overwhelming, so haven’t done it 🙈. Friday is also rolling towards me and I’m getting a little more nervous about starting my job. It’s only a training morning but I’m finding myself already trying to imagine what it’s going to be like/picturing every possible scenario 🙈

Hi @Seventimesaday . Yes it is difficult making friends as an adult. I was thinking about this a lot the other day. When I was a kid, the programmes I used to watch would teach us about friendships and how friendships are supposed to be - but there doesn’t seem to be any programmes on tv for adults teaching us how to be nice to each other/establish healthy friendships in adulthood. In soaps everyone’s angry with each other or slapping each other and in reality Tv everyone’s cheating on each other 😂

@Showmethefood

thank you for your thoughtful response and for answering my question! I have tied myself in knots thinking of that old friend and trying to work out if her behaviour was normal and I was just too sensitive. In fact, that's something I've queried a lot. Can identify with people pleasing ways; something that's done me no favours. I seem to lack the backbone to assert myself and push back in the right way.

But making friends involves pretty much exactly the same thing, minus the sexual attraction…?

I'm 33 single mum to 2 kids 8+12

Tbh, I'm not really wanting full on friendships, I enjoy my own company. I get really uncomfortable at forced social things. I've signed up for a Rock Choir though.

I have no idea how Id meet someone without making any effort and sat on my sofa. I'm happy single

@NopeNotAmanda no worries. I understand completely - it’s like we gaslight ourselves into thinking we are the problem, when sometimes it really is other people’s behaviour that is wrong. The times I’ve come away from a situation and tortured myself with thoughts like “was I wrong?” “Should I have done xyz?” One thing I’m trying to work on at the moment (and failing) is calling out if someone is rude to me instead of laughing it off because I feel awkward ! Honestly, the times when I’ve gone above and beyond to make people feel comfortable when I’m dying inside is crazy.

I take your point. It’s just most times the people I’ve connected with have never followed up or got back to me when I’ve suggested meeting etc.

Find this alot I suggest x date let me know. Nothing. No reply. One friend childminds so was busy. Fair enough.

@Mary46 hard isn’t it? It does have an impact on your self esteem sometimes. When they don’t answer or message me first, I sit there thinking to myself “surely I can’t be that weird?” 😂😂

Its hard the gas thing is they keen to meet then nothing.. we in a school mams app 5 us I let someone else arrange meetups now cant be assed now! My sister said she done with time wasters.

49. Technically, I have 3 friends but I made them when I was at school and they live over 100 miles away. Done years, I don't see them at all.

No husband either.

I had a bit of a thing with an awful man last year. His flat was the only home I went in ALL YEAR apart from my own.

I've done 2 volunteering roles (3 years now) and go to a class and a local weekly event. I've been to the local thing for 2 years. I get on well with everyone.

Made zero friends!

I also work and was bullied relentlessly by one woman. (She left recently). I changed roles and that woman was the only person in the world who text me good luck for my first day.

Honestly, I go through life trying not to think about friends. I don't even have a next of kin for the NHS.

@SchrodingersTwat2 the bullying can be awful 🙈 I was bullied out of my job by a horrible woman, who ended up retiring about a year after I left.

Well I'm quite chuffed with myself, we have survived the Easter holidays, kids are bathed, ones asleep. One back to education tomorrow, the other one I'm not sure when they are going back, there was an incident at their school so can't go back yet.

House is reasonably tidy, tidy enough to leave anything needing doing until tomorrow.

How's everyone spending their evening?

Sounds like a productive day! 😊 I’m spending the evening planning essays as it’s nearly the end of the uni year. Husband and son downstairs watching Tv, and cocker spaniel mixes between sleeping, being crazy or begging for more treats! She’ll be taken for her nightly walk in a minute 😊

Mid 20s
married
1 newborn dc
no family close as I moved 150 miles away!
self employed

just never had any friends really, I just can’t seem to find anyone I’m similar too and would enjoy being friends with and if I do im too awkward and shy to initiate a friendship😅

Hi @anonny55 welcome. I know what you mean about finding people similar to yourself. As time goes on I might find the confidence to share some of my more niche/weird interests - but we’ll see how it goes. 😂 Finding your kind of people can be difficult in this world! 😊

Hi I’m 40, lone parent to one 10yr old and have no friends (it’s tough to type, isn’t it?)
Congrats on the book, that’s awesome! I’m wanting to do the same one day with a character my daughter created.

Hello, I’m mid 40s, married with two DC (11/9), and have no friends.

In answer to the question earlier in the thread, I do not class my DH as a friend. Technology has changed our relationship (of 20+ years) and he now sits gaming all evening, every evening, with headphones on, and rolling his eyes if I dare to try to speak to him. I live hundreds of miles away from family so I’m pretty lonely.

In answer to the ‘well how did you meet your husband’ question, I’m pretty certain he’s on the autistic spectrum and that I was a ‘special interest’ when we met, so he put a lot of effort into pursuing me.

I feel a bit socially awkward with new people, and I’m an introvert, so I find it hard to make friends. I had a wonderful friend of 5+ years who I met weekly but covid changed all that and I was pretty much ghosted once the pandemic was over. I had always felt very lucky to have her, and that I wasn’t good enough - I don’t lead a very exciting life - and she did seem to dump me as soon as she found someone better.

I chat to a couple of school mums at the school gates but we don’t meet up outside of that, so they’re not really friends.

Morning everyone! What’s everyone’s plans for the day? I’m definitely going to be working on my uni essay (if anyone feels like posting some motivational quotes or encouragement for me, please do as it will help me loads!)

Friday is rolling quickly around and I’m nervous about starting my new job 🙈. Since being made redundant in October last year my confidence has been so low!

Have a great day everyone and I’ll try and check in again later.

41F. I'm going through cancer treatment and recently had a stroke. My friends gradually drifted away as I no longer have the energy for a social life. I'm going through a disability benefit appeal and having major mobility problems. I don't have anyone to help me.

Hi there, I also don't have real life friends, just acquaintances and work colleagues, but I have a history of bad experiences (CPTSD) which have created trust issues and social anxiety. I am fine when with my adult children, the youngest two still living at home. I occupy my life with navigating being the best parent I can be, being surrogate mum to our jack/chi cross (Sasha - adorable) and budgie (Chippy - cute, clever and funny), reading, gardening, doing diy (which i hate), creating art and feeling grateful that I no longer share my life with a romantic partner - i have learned a lot about myself and what matters over the years and have concluded that this is just me and that's perfectly fine 🙂.

Hello!

Im female, mid 50’s married with 3 adult daughters with our youngest residing in Heaven since November 2024.
We have two beautiful dogs which keep me going each day, a beautiful Maine Coon cat and a talking parrot.
My husband works away during the week.
We live in Australia.