A thread for those who don’t have friends in real life.

[Showmethefood]

Hi everyone,

I don’t know how to start this thread, so we’ll just go with being plain honest! I’m in my 30s and I don’t have any friends in real life! Of course I have acquaintances/people I can chat to if at certain events - but no real life friends 🙈

It’s really hard to feel accepted for who you are sometimes, and so many of us have to alter our personalities to try and fit into the work environment (or even to fit in with our families). So, I wanted to start a thread for all those who don’t have friends in real life. A place where people can come and leave updates on how their day has gone, how they are feeling, what their interests and hobbies are, and just have a good chat!

So, a little about me:
Im married and have a teenager.
I have a gorgeous cocker spaniel.
Ive almost (one year left) completed my degree in psychology and counselling.
I have just written my first children’s book and am currently in the process of self publishing it.
Im starting a new job in a school this Friday.

Please feel free to join and let’s keep this thread a safe place where we can (hopefully) begin to make some friends and not feel so alone. ❤️

Hi all yes friends are tricky in your 50s.. I met a few nice ladies through walking we met for coffee last week. My dog is great he gets me out. Odd bit of chat with owners. I think this thread is good. Had few bad friendships so feel Im more cautious now. Find people non comittal as pp said you mention dates no reply.

This is me. Apart from my kids I could go weeks without talking to anyone. I post a hell of alot on here. Just every day crap really or about stuff I'm doing etc .its all pretty boring. But gives me a bit of company.

Happy to answer your question. I see my wife as my soul mate, and we do spend a lot of time together however I don't see here as a friend any more than I would see freinds as a wife/husband.

hi, joining as a fellow friendless person.

Neither me or my husband have friends and quite like it that way, but certain things make us realise life could get quite lonely at points. We got married this weekend and my husband only had his mum there and the person (amongst acquaintances) who is the closest thing to a friend I have didn’t come - she said she was feeling ‘too sad’ and cancelled as soon as I’d paid for her place a couple of weeks ago 😕.

I’m 40, my husband is 35 and we have 2 kids (aged 5 and 3). Husband works several jobs and I’m full time. I’ve just started a new, more senior role at work and they’ve yet to realise I’m negative and grumpy 😂.

Hi and welcome @PissedOffNeighbour22 Congratulations on getting married!!! I’m sorry to hear about you being let down by said friend. You’re more than welcome to post here as often as you like for a chat. ❤️

Hello! I’m a married mum of soon to be 3. I’m due my final DC this summer.
Currently stay at home to raise my children, but I am mid way through a degree.
No real outside friends, one I still speak to from school and the odd person here and there that were friends but life has moved on as we’ve all grown up.
Hope everyone is well!

Hi and welcome @coldscottishmum ! What degree are you doing? I’m really struggling with motivation with mine today 🙈

I've always been an introvert, although I had lots of friends growing up.
A couple lasted into adulthood. I very rarely see them, though. I suppose social media makes it easier to stay in touch.
I've become quite the hermit since menopause, and no longer go out that much.

I’m also a bit too happy in my own company.. I have a highly sociable dh and often feel sorry for him as I know he’d love it if I was more sociable. He’s my best friend and if I’m really honest I don’t need anyone else. It isn’t even that I genuinely want friends.. it’s more that I feel I should have them!

This weekend we’ve been invited to a dinner, 4 families with adult kids and partners. I’m already looking forward to coming home.

Hello not read the whole thread so apologies if I have jumped in. I have just turned 40 I have 4 dc (ranging between 20 and almost 15) but I live with just them, life has changed drastically for me i managed to give myself a TBI almost two years my husband (not dear) left not long after and I no longer seem to have the social circle i used to, currently not working and ashamed to say despite life mostly being better since my TBI I am quite lost.

Hi @D0g Welcome. Thanks for joining the thread. Feeling lost can feel incredibly frustrating and isolating. What kind of work did you do before and what kind of things do you enjoy doing? I know there' s been times in my life where I haven't even known what things I enjoyed - finding hobbies and interests can be challenging when you feel a bit stuck.

@ShowmethefoodI was a nursery nurse but would not manage that since my accident. I had my accident riding but can no longer ride so that was a huge part of my social life and my hobbies all rolled into one iyswim. I live by the coast and have just started swimming in the sea with a few people but am struggling atm as my car is off the road but thats temporary hopefully. anyway not here to moan at all!

I also have a cocker plus a springer and sprocker because it seems I might actually not do anything by halves

Wow to having a cocker, springer and a sprocker 😂. My cocker is part working/part show - but she looks more show as her fur gets long and curly! I also live by the sea and do go in when it's very warm.

ah how old is she? Yes I’m not usually one for swimming this time of the year but it really does seem to do me good mental healthwise

@D0g She was two in Jan. She's still quite high energy and still has zoomie type energy after eating. She's lovely and affectionate though and is only happy if she can press her face up as close to mine as she can get it! She doesn't understand personal space at all 😁

@Showmethefoodsorry personal what? i couldn’t quite see through the actual sea of spaniels sat on my lap!!! Yes they are needy aren’t they but equally mostly worth it.

😂

I feel quite ashamed to hold my hand up and admit, me too, even if it is an anonymous internet forum! In my forties now, and have been doing quite a lot of self reflection lately and realise that I truly, have never belonged anywhere. I've had friends but have without fail, been ditched or treated like shit and have reached the age where I just can't bring myself to bother anymore. It must be a me problem, but I don't know where I've gone wrong - I'm quiet, but always respectful and interested in people's lives and I've never gossiped or back stabbed. But there's something within me where I'm overlooked or forgotten about or just treated poorly. I was thinking about an old friend from years ago who decided to ditch me on my birthday plans as she'd had a more interesting offer - to attend a party with my boyfriend at the time! Is that normal?! I couldn't imagine in a million years doing that to someone and lacking the self awareness to recognise that's incredibly hurtful to a friend, but that's the the type of behaviour I've dealt with all my life.

@NopeNotAmandaI know exactly what you mean and I to an extent feel the same. I have a few people I do class as true friends but other people who I had thought were friends ditched me like a hot potato. Thats hard but equally I feel like life and friendships change overtime.

im a bit like fox mulder, trust no one or at least very few.
i keep my trusted people to one or two and even then its subject related
overall i love to chat with many people, not all i expect will like me but at least we have conversation, however directly close friends they are very few.

Hi @NopeNotAmanda . I know I’ve never felt like I’ve quite slotted in anywhere. My interests are quite niche, and due to my people pleasing ways I’ve often found people have taken advantage or just walked all over me! I’ve found the work environment particularly difficult due to this. And no, what your old friend did certainly was not in anyway normal or ok!

Hello all, and thank you @Showmethefood for starting this thread. So much here resonates with me.

I'm early 50s and have no friends/acquaintances at all. I don't work - I'm disabled - and have no contact or conversations with anyone other than adult DD and DH. DH has no friends either. We have no family between us. It really is just us! DH is fine with it - he's never been the sociable type, even as a teenager. I on the other hand used to be the life and soul, out every night with different groups of friends and two or three 'best' friends. I moved cities several times over the years and for one reason and another lost touch with all of them. For the last 20 years or so I've never had so much as a chat with anyone other than medical staff or shop assistants. Unlike DH I feel very lonely and isolated most of the time. If someone does attempt to chat with me I get tongue tied and make a total arse of myself! Even talking to my consultant makes me want to curl up and die because I say such stupid things. We've never had a visitor to our house in the 25 years we've lived here and yes, it makes me sad.

I completely get what people say about trust - I was in two abusive relationships, one after the other, before I met DH and they shattered my confidence.

I wish none of us were in this position but it's a comfort to know that in this at least I'm not alone.

Massive love to all ❤️

Hi and welcome @0hHellNo . I shouldn’t laugh , but I did give a giggle when you said “If someone does attempt to chat with me I get tongue tied and make a total arse of myself!” - because that’s so me! Honestly, sometimes I embarrass myself terribly. One thing I struggle with in particular is when there’s a silence in a conversation. I honestly feel so awkward. My brain just chants “fill the silence, fill the silence” and then I end up saying something weird and random and the other persons like 😕.

what kind of things do you enjoy? I think I’ve mentioned I love to write and read. But I also love anything to do with psychology/true crime. I think part of that is due to my degree, but also I think I’m drawn to psychology as I’m hoping it will help me understand others better and how to behave “normally” 😂🙈

Yes people very flaky now and to make plans. I met a few nice girls through my school job. Def not easy. Pets are good they get you outdoors.

Hello,
I am early 40s, 2 DC, 2 cats, widowed a few years ago, no friends.
I always said DH was my best friend… I have work friends, I work with amazing team of people, but I only work very part time and don’t see them outside of work. I have online “friends” but I don’t really know them properly, and one friend who lives in another country who I speak to weekly and see every few months when she comes back to the uk.
don’t really have hobbies or do anything interesting. I can’t easily meet people because I don’t have childcare and one of my children doesn’t regularly and reliably go to school. I am an introvert and insist I don’t even like people, but really life is kind of lonely.