A thread for those who don’t have friends in real life.

[Showmethefood]

Hi everyone,

I don’t know how to start this thread, so we’ll just go with being plain honest! I’m in my 30s and I don’t have any friends in real life! Of course I have acquaintances/people I can chat to if at certain events - but no real life friends 🙈

It’s really hard to feel accepted for who you are sometimes, and so many of us have to alter our personalities to try and fit into the work environment (or even to fit in with our families). So, I wanted to start a thread for all those who don’t have friends in real life. A place where people can come and leave updates on how their day has gone, how they are feeling, what their interests and hobbies are, and just have a good chat!

So, a little about me:
Im married and have a teenager.
I have a gorgeous cocker spaniel.
Ive almost (one year left) completed my degree in psychology and counselling.
I have just written my first children’s book and am currently in the process of self publishing it.
Im starting a new job in a school this Friday.

Please feel free to join and let’s keep this thread a safe place where we can (hopefully) begin to make some friends and not feel so alone. ❤️

That's got to be tough. Please remember that most people won't judge you. It's very unlikely that you'll say or do anything stupid. Do you feel confident in any situations?

@RanyaJerodung We moved to another part of the country and the church we go to now hasn't got many activities at all. There are groups at other places that look quite good, but I get scared to go. I definitely need to start being braver! I did try to join a drama group once, but it didn't go that well. The people there were in their 70's and 80's which is great! But I did struggle a little bit.

@Showmethefood , I’m now retired but managed a team at work so always felt that I had my work persona where I had to appear confident but outside of work I would retreat into myself , I can feel socially awkward in some situations with bigger groups of people and am better 1:1

@TheOliveFinch I hear you. I'm diagnosed ADHD and Autistic and have always struggled socially. Work I have found especially difficult and I've found many people have taken advantage or just been plain mean! I think that's why I like to write, because I can make up my own world and my own characters. Everyone in my book follows a script and I know exactly what they're thinking and what they're going to say and do 😂

A drama group is very brave, @Showmethefood!
What's your new job? It's in a school, you may meet some nice people there.

@RanyaJerodung I sat in the car for about fifteen minutes preparing myself to go in 😂The job is for an exam invigilator and there's around seven of us starting. I'm really hoping to make some new friends there as we will all be new and nervous to the role.

@Showmethefood do you chat to people when walking your dog , as I do meet a lot of familiar faces out with my dog and get chatting that way. Exercise classes can be quite sociable I also play in a concert band so you are sat next to other people when playing. I would never have had the confidence to try a drama group so well done for trying. Good luck with your new job

Thank you @TheOliveFinch The dog is an interesting subject 😂My husband got her for me to help me go out more and be sociable - but she is more nervous than I am! We've gone to a lot of training sessions with her now, so she is a lot better, but for the first few months it was horrendous. Her previous owners had not socialised her much at all, and she was scared of everything! It made walks and going out very stressful indeed. Thankfully, she is a lot better now - but the irony of a dog more socially anxious than me was quite funny 😂

My dog is also anxious and a pain but luckily other dog walkers are very tolerant of her big attitude in a small body

That'll be nice. All the invigilators will be friendly, I'm sure, and the poor students will be more nervous than you!

@TheOliveFinch 😂What breed do you have? I'm very fortunate as I live right by a large field that has a lockable gate on it that mine can run around on. If we didn't have that, she wouldn't be able to go off lead as she is a bag of nerves and has selective hearing!

If you managed a team at work, then you're a very capable person. You must have communicated well and had other skills. Just think about that, if you ever feel awkward. Imagine that person was in your team!

@RanyaJerodung , thank you I have imposter syndrome big time , I did well at work but found it too draining to maintain full time .

@Showmethefood she is a jack russell so no surprises there I’d like to say she has mellowed as she has got older but that would be a lie 😂😂

Good idea for a thread, I’m a single mum with a 12yo son. Don’t have much free time to have friends in real life with work and childcare :(

@TheOliveFinch an ex of mine had a lovely Jack Russell - she was so lovely and cuddly ❤️❤️ @ALessGoodCook welcome 👋. I understand what you mean about timing. To be fair though, when I have met people at social events etc - friendships haven’t really stuck, they just fizzle out. What kind of things do you enjoy? Do you have any hobbies?

I'm mid 40s and also struggling.
I've got my best friend who i see once per month.
I've got a group of 4(3+me) but circumstances have changed and 1 lady has moved away the other 2 work full time and have chaotic lives so I've seen 1 of them in February, and the other was last summer.
My other group of 4 (3+me), well, i don't really feel like we are friends. We used to go out all the time 15 years ago, and over rhe years of marriage, kids and careers we used to see each other 4 times per year or special occasions. I'd arranged to see them last week, 1 had double booked, 1 didn't even reply to the chat and the other the night before came up with some bullshit story so could only do a couple of hours, but didn't know what time they'd be back so it might only be 1 hour, she'll message on the way home. I told her not to bother.

I went out with my husband last night which was good, but, I see him every day! We way together, we work together, we parent together and live together. He didn't underatand at all when I was upset about last week, and said we'll go out to dinner. I want to go out of the house, just not with you!

have people I don't want to be friends with latching on to me.
can totally relate to this! I don’t have time for friends really (although I have no children,but several special interests) and some people just want so much from me. I end up ghosting them because of the pressure.

Hi @RebeccaRedhat and @countdowntonap. I know what you mean about seeing husband everyday. My husband works from home and because I don’t start work until Friday (was made redundant back in Oct), we practically spend all day every day together. He’s not really much of a conversationalist - so it really feels like me just talking at him all the time! Not good for either of us.

Hi, can I join you? Early 40s, moved away for Uni and stayed in my Uni town after graduating so lost contact with school friends. Then after Uni my Uni friends all moved away or back home and I eventually lost contact with them. By the time I started working I was married and first child by 23. I have 'work friends' but every time I move job I lose touch with the ones I've left behind. I do try to keep in contact but I always feel like I'm being a nuisance so don't want to keep contacting them and then the friendship fizzles out

DH is very introverted and not a good communicator. I think if I didn't work I could go all day without talking to anyone despite living with DH and two teenage DSs.

Hi @Littletreefrog of course you can join ❤️. I can completely relate to what you say about feeling like being a nuisance 🙈. At my old job I had a really great connection with one woman. We had a laugh and liked the same things. Then when I left I messaged and asked if she was interested in meeting up and she didn’t reply. I understand life gets in the way, but I don’t want to message again Incase she thinks I’m harassing her 😂

I am another introvert who finds it hard to make friends. I got bullied a lot when I was younger, and put down by various relatives, so I find it a bit weird when people actually seem to like me!

My dogs, on the other hand, are complete and utter social butterflies. They are very friendly and attract a lot of attention when they're out and about. Dog walks take forever because people like to compliment my Collie and reminisce about their grandparents' collies. They look very shocked if I happen to mention that my smiling, relaxed collie is an experienced sheepdog who thinks nothing of herding 100+ sheep or cattle by herself!

I am in my 30s. I have work friends and I speak to most of my neighbours. In real life, I have about two friends. One is of a similar age and lives in Canada (I'm in the UK) and the other is a generation older and lives a few hours away.

I am cheerfully, and permanently, single. No thanks, I don't want your sympathy or a date set up for me with someone that you know. I am happy on my own, and I really don't mind going to interesting events by myself. In fact, it's preferable, because I don't have someone huffing and complaining that it's boring next to me! I work on a farm, which my family finds embarrassing, so they lie about my career, but I'm much happier than I was when I worked in my former respectable role. My job stuns most people, because I am small, female and I like driving tractors with wheels that are taller than I am. Even worse, I can drive a JCB. Today was a good day, because the manager was off and everything at work went well.

I find it a bit tricky to fit things in after work due to my hours, so I end up trying out hobbies and never going back to them! It is easier to entertain myself at home, so I enjoy reading and knitting, and I'm trying to learn the art of gardening but hate weeding and all about sewing machines. One day, I'd like to be a bit more self-sufficient, so I have a lot to learn! I have a few one-day courses of interest lined up this year. I also like writing, OP, but I am unsure as to whether or not I'll ever finish a book, or have the confidence to publish it!

Good luck with your new job!

Hi @TheeNotoriousPIG welcome and I must say I am completely jealous that you drive a tractor!!! I’d love to try that. I completely relate to being bullied when younger and being surprised at when people like you. For me, I almost feel as though I come across as suspicious because I’m constantly trying to work out whether people are being genuine with me or not 🙈😂

@Showmethefood You'll have to do a Tractor Driving Experience day or something. Can you put it down on your CPD record for your job?

Most people go 😧when they think of (or see) women driving tractors. To be honest, it's not much different to driving a car, except that I can see over the bonnet and people take me a bit more seriously if I'm driving something bigger than they are!

It's probably better to be suspicious than too trusting (which is my thing)... at least it can't be thrown back in your face! Have a lovely day!

Hello 👋

im 47, widowed, 3 adult dc and a young teen, a few grandchildren that I do see every week, I do work but in a manual job.

I do have acquaintances that I chat to and have the odd coffee with and some nice work colleagues but no real close friends these days. People are too busy with their lives and partners.

i did used to try and go places on my own but i got questioned by staff when I went to a country park/estate place as it was full of families and couples (on a Sunday so it was my own fault for going) and it’s knocked my confidence so I just stay in a lot these days.

i do love crochet ( sometimes go to a group, but I’m really quiet there, most of the ladies are quite loud and talk about their partners and elderly parents constantly and I don’t have this, no extended family anymore as they’re all dead and my only brother is a twat and lives in another country.

i love birdwatching (boring I know, sorry) and reading and walking my dog.

@TheeNotoriousPIG I’ll have to look into it 😂. I’m in a seaside town that also has a lot of countryside so you never know! Welcome @blackheartsgirl , sorry to hear about you being questioned by staff. That would have knocked my confidence too!

Hows everyone’s days going/been? I’ve really been struggling with motivation today. I have a uni essay due on the 29th and have only just started the introduction 🙈, bad I know. I’m also feeling excited about starting work on Friday, but I need to go out and get some proper work trousers and shoes to match and I find clothes shopping quite overstimulating!

The weather is nice here today, which makes a welcome change, but it’s making me not want to study as I want to laze around 🙈