So... I ruined my son's day out

[MeanWeedratStew]

Long story short: My teenage son went to the cinema with friends today (it's school holidays where we live). He has a bank account that's attached to mine. I checked it early this morning, saw that he had plenty of money in it, figured he would be fine.

What I didn't realise, however, was that his account has a weekly spend limit as a default setting. I, as his parent, have to manually change this limit online. I didn't know this. My son's card was declined and he missed out on seeing the film with his friends. He is now home, understandably upset with me, and I feel like the world's shittest mother. I feel like I'm always double and triple checking everything to do with my kids, and I just can't believe I was dumb enough to overlook this.

If you want to kick me while I'm down, then... bring it on, I guess. I feel I deserve it.

If you can commiserate with a story about a time your felt you failed your child, please share. It might help me to feel less shit.

Oh op. This is totally situation that's happened to me with my kids.

Id treat him to a fancy movie screening to make up for it.

All my dc now carry an emergency £20 note in the backs of their phone cases for emergencies

Mistakes happen, do not beat yourself up about it.

Worth using what happened to help educate your son about financial matters, or at least begin to. A protection to stop you being scammed a large amount, so a good thing in a way even though not helpful today.

His friends are lame. Part of his sulk could be that he was feeling rejected and abandoned by his friends. It is not all on you. Everyone is just coming to grips with going out and using a card. There will be teething problems like this.

Hope you and him get over it soon.

This is why I still use an ATM and give my youngest cash. He thinks I'm a dinosaur 😁

So he couldn’t sit with his mates so he came home but he could have seen the film

You've probably got more important things on your mind. What's all this feeling like "the shittest mother" hyperbole, seeing a lot of it lately? Over some minor thing. There clearly ARE some really shit parents out there if you read the new so why all the unnecessary drama?

I sent my kids into school when it was still holiday.😊😂

Do you get a seat number with the ticket then?

Otherwise he could have sat elsewhere or asked if someone would move rather than not see it at all?

typical response, as a kid i would ignore my mum for a week plus just for stuff like this. You sound like a caring mum so best you look at times you can book it and make it a nice mum/son date.

Trust me, he will cheer up soon. (dad myself to a 11 y.o. boy who i go cinema with)

I am sorry I live in a universe where friends help friends. I apologise.

you honestly don’t need to explain yourself to anyone. I’d be digging a bit deeper as to why this feels so huge to you xx

Stop with the self flagellation for a start. Your boy could easily have phoned you and you could've fixed it immediately. He's got a tongue in his head, after all. Why didn't his pals sub him anyway? Miserable lot...

it doesn’t have to be anyone’s fault! It’s not mind fault, it’s not the son’s fault, it’s not his friends fault.
stuff happens, I’m staggered by the blame mindset so many people seem to have

Nobody's blaming anybody. We're pointing out that it's been an oversight that's caused this, and it could very easily have been remedied on the spot.

He did phone Op, she did fix it but not in time for him to be able to sit with his friends.

Then his gormless wee mates should've subbed him the price of a cinema ticket, ffs. Pals, eh...

I cut a day trip (theme park, we are members so go regularly as it is nearby, so often go for a few hours as opposed to a full day) short because DD had a dance class early evening. Raced home, quick snack, raced out. No class as it's Easter Break. Argh. Day trip cut short for nothing! Rushing for nothing!
Email had said classes run through half term. Obviously it's Easter Break and not half term, I just didn't think.
Mistakes happen. We are human. I am annoyed at myself though!

It's a life lesson, Ideally always have a second bank card if possible, and some emergency cash.
My kids have two cards (one from me, one from their father: we are not together) but I know they don't always take both cards. I will learn from this and make sure they do so, plus emergency cash.

Eh? This feels like such a non-event and so easily solved. Why didn’t he call? Why on earth are you essentially prostrating yourself at his feet? 😂 your kids will treat you like a complete mug of you behave like that.

He did call.

You’re assuming they had it. It’s entirely possible that their parents sent them out with only enough money for the price of a ticket and a coupe of snacks.

They also quite possibly went into the cinema knowing he was on the phone sorting it out, and assumed that while he would be joining them (even if not sat with them).

It’s just a shit thing that happened. I imagine he’s just quiet and down because he’s disappointed. He was likely really excited for the day and hyped up with his friends. He’s only just started going out with his friends in a group as well, so this will feel much bigger to him than it would someone older and more used to dealing with curveballs.

It doesn’t help you but thanks to you posting, I just checked my children’s accounts and their limits were also really small! Have updated them now.

Could you offer to treat him and one of his friends to go again - I bet one of them would go again for free!
And while everyone is saying he has crap friends, maybe they are all budgets and didn’t have the funds?