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Original poster

So... I ruined my son's day out

246 replies

MeanWeedratStew · 15/04/2025 07:55

Long story short: My teenage son went to the cinema with friends today (it's school holidays where we live). He has a bank account that's attached to mine. I checked it early this morning, saw that he had plenty of money in it, figured he would be fine.

What I didn't realise, however, was that his account has a weekly spend limit as a default setting. I, as his parent, have to manually change this limit online. I didn't know this. My son's card was declined and he missed out on seeing the film with his friends. He is now home, understandably upset with me, and I feel like the world's shittest mother. I feel like I'm always double and triple checking everything to do with my kids, and I just can't believe I was dumb enough to overlook this.

If you want to kick me while I'm down, then... bring it on, I guess. I feel I deserve it.

If you can commiserate with a story about a time your felt you failed your child, please share. It might help me to feel less shit.

OP posts:
ShockedandStunnedRepeatedly · 15/04/2025 10:59

How were you to know? We are not superhuman with the ability to store unlimited amount of details about random shit in our brains.

And this is a perfect example of how I think tech is not necessarily improving our lives. Things are unnecessarily complex now. Old days, lob him a tenner, he knows where he is, you know where you are, job done. Nobody has to think or do anything else. The microstress of this sort of thing and the myriad of other similar examples we face every single day is slowly destroying our spirit.

Tbry24 · 15/04/2025 11:09

He needs to always have emergency money and phone numbers written down on him.

then if his card is declined or stolen he still has money and if his phone is stolen he can still call you.

Hoppinggreen · 15/04/2025 11:32

DS16 would have paid for one of his mates in those circumstances and he is generally pretty tight.
It was an easy mistake OP, I have done it before and I always tell both my DC to carry an emergency £20 in their phone case as sometimes cards don't work etc

Cakeandusername · 15/04/2025 11:35

Honestly I wouldn’t stress at all it’s actually a good learning experience. Much better to be something minor like this. Talk about what do differently eg have back up method of paying like cash, buying ticket first then snacks, asking a friend etc.
It’s how they learn. Mine managed to get on wrong train at 13 with her friend no harm done and never did again.

LIZS · 15/04/2025 11:39

How has he run out already this week? Unless the limit is low, like £10, would there not be enough left had he monitored it. Yes he should have some emergency cash ( for a bus fare home and a drink) but he also needs to learn to check his balance and budget. Ideally you might have done so together before he went out and extended it if needs be. It is a shame none of his friends loaned it to him but lesson learned.

Bundleflower · 15/04/2025 11:39

It all sounds a bit ‘wet’ that he was unable to sort this with friends and that you are so beat up about it. It doesn’t matter. Shit happens. In future you know and perhaps it’ll help him build resourcefulness skills such as asking his friends to put a few pounds in until it’s sorted etc.
I’m sure he’ll be over it very quickly.

JLou08 · 15/04/2025 11:49

It happens. I'm not saying I would encourage someone to do this deliberately but I do think a bit of disappointment, as sad as it is at the time, can help build resilience in young people so try not to worry. It's not going to have any long term impact and doesn't make you a shit parent.

RB68 · 15/04/2025 11:49

Even at 13 he has to take ownership - if there is a limit he should know it and how much he has spent. He should be asking you to do the changes not you remembering etc.

A lesson learned though - bet he checks properly next time

starfishmummy · 15/04/2025 11:50

spicemaiden · 15/04/2025 09:11

No.

He had plenty of money in his account. But unbeknownst to him and his mum there was a daily spend limit on the account.

Hd didn’t do anything like what you are suggesting.

Show quote history

So two lessons learned. First check the terms and conditions of the account and secondly prioritise what is important "in case".

Maybe I'm weird but if I'm going to the cinema the first thing I'd do is get the tickets.

user1471538275 · 15/04/2025 11:52

Yes. I would feel bad too.

But, loads and loads of lessons to learn from it - most covered already.

  1. He needs his own account - from 11 ours had them and we put in monthly pocket money to help them to learn to budget. It really helped as even the spend instantly child figured it out by adulthood.
  2. Carry spare cash - as suggested £10 inside the phone case
  3. Buy ticket first, snacks come later.
  4. Sometimes you have to ask for help - yes it can be embarrassing and it's possible his friends didn't have extra money but we all have to learn to speak up.
  5. We make mistakes. We apologise. We move on.
Octavia64 · 15/04/2025 11:52

Not your fault. Or his.

we’ve had this.

our child wound up stuck at a train station until dh could sort the account and she could get a ticket to get home.

sorry it happened to him.

starfishmummy · 15/04/2025 11:52

Bundleflower · 15/04/2025 11:39

It all sounds a bit ‘wet’ that he was unable to sort this with friends and that you are so beat up about it. It doesn’t matter. Shit happens. In future you know and perhaps it’ll help him build resourcefulness skills such as asking his friends to put a few pounds in until it’s sorted etc.
I’m sure he’ll be over it very quickly.

Well maybe friends don't have spare cash available to bail out someone else.

DietCokeGoneUpinSmoke · 15/04/2025 11:54

Shit happens OP. I'm not sure I understand your hand-wringing over it. You can easily make it up to him but most importantly you both need to learn from this and both of you could work on your resourcefulness, resilience and sense of perspective.

outofofficeagain · 15/04/2025 11:58

user1471538275 · 15/04/2025 11:52

Yes. I would feel bad too.

But, loads and loads of lessons to learn from it - most covered already.

  1. He needs his own account - from 11 ours had them and we put in monthly pocket money to help them to learn to budget. It really helped as even the spend instantly child figured it out by adulthood.
  2. Carry spare cash - as suggested £10 inside the phone case
  3. Buy ticket first, snacks come later.
  4. Sometimes you have to ask for help - yes it can be embarrassing and it's possible his friends didn't have extra money but we all have to learn to speak up.
  5. We make mistakes. We apologise. We move on.

This needs to be laminated

Cakeandusername · 15/04/2025 12:01

Parents who try to insulate them from all little hiccups do them no favours.
Whilst you hope plans go smoothly I honestly think it goes kids good to see there’s sometimes hiccups and how to deal with things.
What if your phone doesn’t work is a good exercise to do and run through how they’d deal with things. We do it with our Guides as lots have call mum as default setting.

StIgantius · 15/04/2025 12:08

Just one of those things. Into every life a little rain must fall.

Bundleflower · 15/04/2025 12:17

starfishmummy · 15/04/2025 11:52

Well maybe friends don't have spare cash available to bail out someone else.

Show quote history

I’m sure they could have found a few pounds between them but, if not, it’s a life lesson that things don’t always go to plan and that carrying an emergency £10 is also a good plan. If it helps, this is the type of calamity my kids deal with regularly. It’s just life (and I’ve got the brain of a fish 🙃). Stop beating yourself up!

Ohisitjustme · 15/04/2025 12:19

You're completely over - reacting! Be kinder to yourself 💐

cestlavielife · 15/04/2025 12:25

Lessons learned
Talk thru what ifs for any situation next time
In life problems arise
Howdoyou solve them?

TryingToStayAwake88 · 15/04/2025 12:33

To make you feel better, when I was 11 I went to the cinema with my parents. Dad asked for one child ticket and 2 adults. They asked the age of the child and he said 10. Not even my age and the film was a 12. So we then had to drive half an hr to go and see it at a different cinema.

morningtoncrescent62 · 15/04/2025 12:36

Gosh, OP, you have a low threshold for shittest mother ever. Apologise, ask him if there's anything he'd like as a substitute treat (within reason!) and move on with lesson learnt for next time. If that's the biggest mistake you ever make as a parent then your son is having a charmed childhood/adolescence.

notacooldad · 15/04/2025 12:48

Hel get over it.
It was a mistake.
Mistakes happen.

By the time I'd sorted it, all the seats near his mates had filled up (popular movie) and he just wanted to come home.
Minecraft?

Goldbar · 15/04/2025 12:56

TryingToStayAwake88 · 15/04/2025 12:33

To make you feel better, when I was 11 I went to the cinema with my parents. Dad asked for one child ticket and 2 adults. They asked the age of the child and he said 10. Not even my age and the film was a 12. So we then had to drive half an hr to go and see it at a different cinema.

My dad did the same once 😂. I was 11 and 11 months.

My mother came out and said "why couldn't you keep your bloody mouth shut?" She was so cross!

RedSkyDelights · 15/04/2025 13:10

Nazzywish · 15/04/2025 09:33

Don't friends just lend their mates money anymore? Unless they're really counting pennies I understand,but if not that was a bit mean of them

Maybe all his friends had spend limits on their accounts and couldn't afford to?
Or just plain couldn't afford to (most 13 year olds don't earn their own money and will have limited money).

I appreciate OP says she's not in the UK, so maybe this setting of spend limits is normal where she is. Amongst my DC's peers everyone just had their own card and a monthly allowance and if they spent all their money on snacks, then they knew they didn't get to go to the cinema. This is a much better way for them to learn budgeting than mum having to arbitrarily set limits up and down.

ShaunaTheDitzySheep · 15/04/2025 13:21

Hazeby · 15/04/2025 08:00

This has happened to me before and my kids just phone me and I change it. Why didn’t he do that?

Also, none of his mates covered him?? Mean!

Edited

His friends might not have been able to sub him. They don't exactly have a huge disposable income at that age.