What are your best (clean) jokes?

[MugsyBalonz]

DC is 10 and has got an obsession with jokes and making people laugh. All weekend they've asked me to tell them a joke and I've run out of new ones so please share with me your best clean jokes? And maybe some not so clean ones for me.

To start off, here is one DC told me:

I was at the beach and a man in the water was shouting "Help, shark! Help, shark!". I just laughed because no way was that shark going to help him.

Why didn’t the skeleton go to the party?

Because he had no body to go with!

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot!

One snowman says to tho other snowman "can you smell carrots?" ⛄️

(Continuing the carrot theme)

Also, if you have Alexa, ask her to tell you a joke. Assume this works with other smart speakers, too. My DD used to love doing this at that age.

What a cute thread.

This will probably be lost on a 10 year old (and people who aren’t Scottish) but it’s my favourite.

What’s the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt Disney? Bing sings and Walt Disnae. Sorry, I’ll see myself out.

Ooh, thanks for this - none to add but saving this thread to read later after (stressful day at ) work 😂

Two lions walking through town.

One says to the other: 'Not many people about."

I knew a bloke who got run over by a steam train.

He was chuffed to bits.

I recently found out that Albert Einstein was a real person.

I thought he was a theoretical physicist.

I had a Dyson but I sold it. It was just gathering dust.

Why do you need to be careful when it’s raining cats and dogs?
You might step in a poodle.

Which dog can do magic?

a Labracadabrador

He loves these, thank you so much

He has one to add.

What's Forrest Gump's password?

1Forrest1

What do you call a magician who has lost his magic? Ian.

What's blue and smells like red paint?

Blue paint.

Ooh, that's spooky! I told someone that joke yesterday!

What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?
You can't wash your hands in a bison

Why do you never see elephants hiding up trees?

Because they’re so good at it.

What’s brown and sticky?

A stick.

Whats the difference between Black eyed peas and chick peas?

The black eyed peas will sing us song but the chick peas just hummus.

A skeleton walks into a bar and says I'll have a pint of beer... And a mop!

Two cows in a field, one says "moo". The other one says " aww, I was going to say that"!

A man goes to the doctor's and says: "Help me, I'm a moth."

The doctor says: "I'm just a GP. Why didn't you go to a psychiatrist?"

Man: "Your light was on."

What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror?
Hallou-mi

What cheese would you use to hide a horse?
Mascarpone