Paid over £150 for daughters hair and she hates it!

[Brainfogmcfogface]

What do I do?
my daughter (10yo) has been pleading for months to have her hair in long braids, 7 hours at the salon, lots of tears, and we’ve come home and she’s broken down saying she hates it, I’ve scrimped and saved for this, (single mum very low paying wage just about make ends meet) it’ll take hours to remove too, I just don’t know! What would others do? Tell her to keep it for a bit, whilst she cries her heart out, start taking it out? She’s got added hair, and they’re super long and I’ve no experience removing so god knows how long it’ll take, we’ve spent the whole day at the salon and I’ve had to put away every spare penny! I’m so sad she’s so upset, I wanted her first proper salon experience to be a good one, now I don’t think she’ll ever want to come to one again, I think she looks stunning btw! And was so excited to get it done, it’s been an exhausting day, but rather then a “it’ll be worth it in the end” experience it’s now a complete waste of time and money!

Did the hairdresser explain that the weight and feel of her hair would be different? Why did she seems so keen to have them? It seems very extreme to spend that much money and time on such an unknown without her fully understanding the implications and that not be instantly undone. She needs to allow herself time to get used to it, could you put it up to support some of the length?

It depends on the hair type. It could be that if she has fine Caucasian hair it doesn't look the way she wants it to? Or it hurts? Braids in white hair can cause quite a lot of damage if done rushed or too tight.
It's a live and learn situation either way.
I'd say in future you know that spending so much on a whimsical temporary hairstyle for a child that isn't comfortable probably wasn't the best plan.

Ask some people round or do video calls to compliment her hair.

Different races have different hair and should be treated accordingly, hence why people are asking. The advice will be different.

It isn’t racist to recognise and acknowledge that there are differences between different races.

Thank you for all the helpful comments.
To answer questions:
Daughter is black
I have saved specifically for this, it’s how much this kind of style costs. I want her to enjoy her hair (bit of a miss on this one though I admit!) I have to save for any treats, I’m happy to do that for my children, so F off anyone who thinks this is wrong, I think you’re odd. The world is expensive and I want them to have nice things.

I think someof you are right she’s tired and had a super long day, she said she likes how it looks but not how it feels, not heavy (she has very thick long hair to begin with) but the hardness is causing her issues, she’s going to see how she sleeps on it and if it’s to much then we’ll take it out. Right now I’m almost certain it’s coming out tomorrow I guess you can’t predict these things but she never wants a salon soo again, such a shame as she was so excited literally all she talked about for the 2 weeks once booked :(

Is she on school hols? Do any of her friends have similar hairstyles? I'd 100% leave it in and if there are other kids at school who have the same hairstyle she might feel better once she's back from Easter break and sees them maybe? Ignore the race baiters, OP.

I was thinking that too
White woman at work had long Jamaican weave braids put in to her dyed blonde hair - quite dramatic. Someone complained about cultural misappropriation and she got hauled in to HR. What a mess it was! Ended up on the sick for 6 months over it!

I know people who take painkillers and generally take a few days to get over having braids. I would get her to ride it out for at least a week then see how she feels.

As a woman of colour, I dislike the whole cultural appropriation finger pointing. Yes, the concept should be taken seriously but to take it to the extent where people of certain races can't have a specific hairstyle, it's just unreasonable. How far do we take it? If we apply a strict approach to it then most races can't wear flip-flops on their feet, their hair in top knots or the current on trend quilted jackets (with the wavy detailing on them) that everyone is wearing ... or Kimono-inspired clothing or sleeves... because it's cultural appropriation of East Asian culture! No-one says a peep about that, do they?! Those are just global trends and people appreciate the style. Sharing is caring and all that. Cultural appropriation to me is when people are dressed in a complete outfit and in a mocking or unserious way, such as being dressed in a Native American outfit to fancy dress and 'pretending' to be Native American. The person has no real understanding or proximity to the culture so can only behave according to well-known stereotypes. To me, THAT's cultural appropriation, or specifically to this discussion, a non-black person who has braids and is trying to look and act stereotypically black. What if the person looks white but is actually mixed race? What then?

I agree with PP that the DD should be left with the braids in to understand and learn about disappointment, resilience and adversity.

I DO think its wrong to spend money you can't afford on something unecessary for your kids.
You said
I’ve scrimped and saved for this, (single mum very low paying wage just about make ends meet)
And now she hates it - what else could you have done with that money?
Thats whats odd
Since the money has now gone I genuinely hope she comes to love it and while I am not expert I think this sort of hairstyle needs maintaining, hopefully you can afford that without causing yourself and your family any financial hardship

Ah, OP. What a shame for you both - I can see you’ve put so much into this 💕💕

hopefully she will feel differently tomorrow, but if not, could you ask the salon for advice? They are the experts, your DD can’t be the first person to have this response, they may have some great tips.

hope it turns out well xx

I totally agree, even more so if you are struggling to make ends meet.

Hopefully she will change her mind once the she gets used to the new style.

No matter how much my daughter wanted it I would never have spent £150 on a hairstyle for her if I was on a low wage and just about making ends meet. It's a million miles away from an essential purchase isn't it.

Decisions like this contribute to why you are only just making ends meet.

Chalk this up as a life lesson. It's fine to say no to something unnecessary you can't afford.

Poor girl, and poor you! Encourage her to keep the hairstyle for a few days and see what her friends say. They may think it's great and convert her. What do you think of her new look?
Even if you decide to have the braids removed, be sure that she takes the lesson from this and thinks in future very carefully before asking for a big expensive change that will be hard to change back.

You sound like such an amazing mum! I’m so sorry you’re in this situation and really hoping she changes her mind once she gets used to it. Either way you’re daughter is very lucky to have such a caring, supportive mum who works hard to give her these special experiences but also respects her decisions and doesn’t force her to stick with something she isn’t comfortable with! Well done mama 👏

10 not 7

I think if you can persuade her to leave it for a few days I would.

It's completely normal to be freaked out by a massive change to her image and body. Particularly when she was so excited about it before, so there's a lot of emotion riding on it - she might feel a lot of pressure to be delighted, but actually its kinda confusing and not quite what she expected.

If she still hates it after time to get used to it, I guess at least she's learnt something about what she likes and dislikes, even if it was an expensive and time consuming discovery!

Ridiculous. People can wear their hair how they want. People can judge all they like, but HR weighing in on that is outrageous.

Get a towel and dip it in hot water, shake it out a bit and then press it on the roots of the braids. Don’t do it in a bun for the night but a loose low ponytail. In future make sure the braids are Knotless and ask the braider to use minimal extensions, and leave out her edges. If they are genuinely too tight I would remove them as you risk damaging her hair. To remove cut them an inch below where her natural hair ends and then use a pick/rat tail comb to open the braids. All the best x

This is the kind of comment that is completely unhelpful to those on a low income. OP didn't say she has got into debt for this she says she has scrimped and saved. Those of us who have been unable to give our child nice things and treats and the things their friends have may sometimes feel we want to give the child something they have longed for wether that be a hairstyle of a particular pair of trainers and no it's not necessary but only ever getting essential things as a child can be pretty miserable.

I know that 🤦‍♀️

OP, maybe ask for this thread to be moved to Black Mumsnetters? You’ll just get all the white opinions about hairstyle costs here.

it might help to massage with a bit of oil, I’d say give it another day or so before taking out?

I would somehow convince her to leave them in for a few days before making a decision,
Is she very tired ( and possibly grumpy) after spending a good part of the day at the salon and this is affecting her decision

a question that deserves a longer answer, but…

if she’s never had braids before (most black
or mixed girls start quite young, if it’s what suits their hair type) it can feel tight and uncomfortable for a few days. If she’s not used to this it will be tricky.

There is only essential things and then there is £150 on a hairdo a child doesn't even like.
Everyone likes to treat their children and I hope OP hasn't gone without actual essentials to afford this, maybe she was just being a tad dramatic.
OP knows her finances better than any of us so if she thought it was worth it then thats all that matters really.