Paid over £150 for daughters hair and she hates it!

[Brainfogmcfogface]

What do I do?
my daughter (10yo) has been pleading for months to have her hair in long braids, 7 hours at the salon, lots of tears, and we’ve come home and she’s broken down saying she hates it, I’ve scrimped and saved for this, (single mum very low paying wage just about make ends meet) it’ll take hours to remove too, I just don’t know! What would others do? Tell her to keep it for a bit, whilst she cries her heart out, start taking it out? She’s got added hair, and they’re super long and I’ve no experience removing so god knows how long it’ll take, we’ve spent the whole day at the salon and I’ve had to put away every spare penny! I’m so sad she’s so upset, I wanted her first proper salon experience to be a good one, now I don’t think she’ll ever want to come to one again, I think she looks stunning btw! And was so excited to get it done, it’s been an exhausting day, but rather then a “it’ll be worth it in the end” experience it’s now a complete waste of time and money!

well as Braids have been worn in Europe for centuries perhaps she could take the opportunity to give her tormentors a history lesson rather than submit to such nonsense

I think the main thing is she likes how it looks. While it may not be comfortable at the moment I can imagine having braids is something that takes getting used to. When my DC said they didn't like something that I had paid a lot for I always suggested they waited a bit and very often they did change their mind. I would give it two weeks.

She's 10, you mean person!

On a separate note, I'm actually reading up on cultural appropriation after this post, its good to have a better understanding. I never realised the prejudice black people, especially women, suffered due to their natural hair.

Oh FFS, I get slammed on here for pearl clutching but having lived and worked in South London since about 1980, I get it. And no, my white daughter would not have suggested getting braids. At 10, 16 years ago, she was too culturally aware despite living in a privileged bubble.

At 10, she was having decent Haircuts at my hairdresser. Sometimes she even had some rollers put in for curls for a party. At 14 she had her waist length hair cut to just above her shoulders and donated it to the Princess Trust. At 15 she had her first highlights. That summer holiday, she had some pink and turquoise streaks. Some mothers got a bit arsy with me over that.

I think 10 is perhaps a little young and might have waited until 11/12 if I had been in the op's shoes but as a mother I always wanted my dd to fit in with her peers and to feel she looked nice and to take pride in her appearance.

@Brainfogmcfogface I hope your dd feels better about it in the next day or two, once the roots relax a bit.

My apologies, didn’t realise you were just being nasty in your previous post 😅

This.

I’m 30. And when I do something drastic to my hair - inches cut off or a different colour, I think “shit, what have I done? I HATE it!” Takes me a good few days to get used to it.

Hopefully your daughter likes it tomorrow.

I had my hair braided as a child whilst on holiday in the Caribbean, I found it very painful and cried, the whole experience was a bit traumatic. My advice would be to tell her to see how she feels in a few days and if she really hates it you will take them out. Maybe she will get some nice compliments from friends/family and then she will change her mind?

Any big change takes a few days to get used to. I'd tell her that she has a week, and if she gives it a good go (eg tries different styles with the braids) and still doesn't like it, you'll find a way to take them out

How did she pay for it if she didn’t have the money?

@Brainfogmcfogface I did this at 14, it was hell! I loved the hairstyle but my head was so itchy!!! I kept them about 2 weeks before giving up (because my parents had paid for it and I felt bad). In hindsight, I have very sensitive/dry scalp so it was definitely not a good hairstyle for me.

I would ask her exactly what the issue is, and check with the hairdresser/online if there is anything she can do to make it better. But if not then I wouldn't force her to keep them, she just didn't know what it would feel like.

I did this to my mum with some glue in coloured hair (it was a thing at the time) and after a few days i liked it! It takes a while to settle into a big hair change. I'd explain you saved very very hard for this treat and you'd like her to give it time to see if could like it.

Does it matter ?

I had no idea that braids took so long or cost so much, so can totally understand how disappointed you are that DD doesn’t like them. I’ve also heard that they can feel very tight and the scalp can be very tender on the first day, so perhaps some kiddie calpol and encourage her to sleep on it (literally and figuratively).

After that, if she is still not keen, is there a compromise - I have seen some lovely hair designs which are a blend of braids and unbraided hair? Can some of them be taken out, and a portion of them retained?

Really? so black girls straightening their hair gets if as well I assume ?

She did have it. She saved up to treat her daughter 🙄

This is a really interesting point.

??? What has hair got to do with childbirth?!

Also worth adding, some friends and I used to (semi)joke that half way through braiding our own hair, we'd decide we didn't like how it looked but we'd power through because it has already taken too much effort.

Then 2 days later you realise they look great and you were just tired 😄

With regards to the cultural appropriation conversation, I think you'll find a lot of people of colour don't actually care but some will. I say everyone should do as they please if they're not harming anyone else

Again for all the helpful advice thank you.

For those of you who are so concerned about the cost, I’ll bite! My daughter has constantly asked for her hair to be straightened in the past, she has said how much she hates her hair, hearing my perfect little hips talk so badly of herself hurts, (I won’t do it for fear of damage) so the fact she asked for this, was excited about it and loved looking at options, well quite frankly if it’d been twice as much I’d have found a way, this isn’t just a hair style, it’s an act of self love and acceptance, I want her to love her hair as much as I do.

As I said she loves how it looks! I’ve spoken to the salon and they’ve given me some advice and said she can come back, so booked her an appointment next week for her to see if there’s anything they can do, she said she’ll wait till then so hopefully she’ll settle and be fine with it. The FaceTiming friends suggestion was golden! Her friend’s comments have really helped and she came off the calls a lot happier.
I think I panicked at her reaction, as, aside from the money, she was so looking forward to the experience and i hate the idea of her being so unhappy, but a few hours in and though she still says it feels hard, she understands it’ll take some time, and she’s calmed down and accepted that, I’m hoping I won’t need the appointment next week.

I get wanting to treat your child and well done for saving /scrimping @Brainfogmcfogface rather then getting into debt to pay for them

why did dd want them ? Do friends /family have them ? Do you ?

sleeping on beads will be uncomfortable if obv not used to them

I wouldn’t take them out tomorrow and leave a few more days till she gets more used to weight /style

then if after 4/5 days if still really hates them I would take them out

what was the plan to wear them ? As in how long do normally and how /when do they get taken out ?

is it back to hairdressers and more cost to remove

sitting for 7hrs is a long time. Let alone for a 10yr

Glad I'm not the only one confused!

Ah. Crossed posts . We literally posted at same time - glad seems happier

Nothing at all.

I was illustrating the point that whilst white women like the poster I was responding to are stressing that white women ‘can’t’ have whichever hairstyle they want, there are much bigger racial inequalities that black women deal with every single day. Childbirth being just one of them.

there is always one who wants to get to the moral high ground.