Paid over £150 for daughters hair and she hates it!

[Brainfogmcfogface]

What do I do?
my daughter (10yo) has been pleading for months to have her hair in long braids, 7 hours at the salon, lots of tears, and we’ve come home and she’s broken down saying she hates it, I’ve scrimped and saved for this, (single mum very low paying wage just about make ends meet) it’ll take hours to remove too, I just don’t know! What would others do? Tell her to keep it for a bit, whilst she cries her heart out, start taking it out? She’s got added hair, and they’re super long and I’ve no experience removing so god knows how long it’ll take, we’ve spent the whole day at the salon and I’ve had to put away every spare penny! I’m so sad she’s so upset, I wanted her first proper salon experience to be a good one, now I don’t think she’ll ever want to come to one again, I think she looks stunning btw! And was so excited to get it done, it’s been an exhausting day, but rather then a “it’ll be worth it in the end” experience it’s now a complete waste of time and money!

Ah that’s good. Hopefully getting used to them

No, I'm not black so you are right that I don't understand these hair issues specific to black people. However, please stop pretending that racism and persecution is and has always been unique to black people and making daft remarks about 'white fragility'. I can't see how this helps any black girls who may be struggling with their (very beautiful) hair. It also doesn't help them if their mum spends £££ on their hairstyle when she is under constant financial pressure; children pick up on adult stress.

Jesus Christ, white people do not experience institutional racism. It is not “racist against white people” to say a thing or experience is unique a black person or other POC.

I think you’d be more at home in the DM comments pages.

Are you black? I’m just asking because like many other style choices that are uncomfortable (high heels, corsets, skinny jeans etc) people will often choose them anyway. Braids are a separate category in that there is a cultural significance and also a practical one. I ask if you are black as if you are you will presumably know the challenges of maintaining hair. You also are unlikely to have ‘watched some stuff on braids’. Because you would know it from growing with it and those around you. . If you are white you may have no idea. It’s completely different to other hair.there is no shampoo, condition, good to go. It doesn’t work like that

To provide contex for my comment.
Do you know how conversations work?

Are you unable to read or just unable to comprehend? Where have I said anything about white people in my comment.
I won't say where you might be more at home with your comments.

No, they clearly don't. Nor do they understand how to read or how to comprehend or how to try to understand perspectives other than their own.

Braided hair fascinates me, the intricacy is amazing and the workmanship involved could easily see £150 being involved.

May I ask a question. When the hair grows is there a way to braid in the re growth or is a case of having to go back and have the whole head re-done? Hope this isn’t a rude question, simply that I’m interested.

Do you have such a short memory that you can’t remember what you wrote?? Quoted directly from your post:

However, please stop pretending that racism and persecution is and has always been unique to black people and making daft remarks about 'white fragility’

Yet you then said:

Where have I said anything about white people in my comment

There are no ‘default’ rules for white school children which would exclude black school children. The only rules, in most but not all schools, are that the hair isn’t brightly coloured, isn’t styled outside the norms, ie mohicans, shaved etc. it’s ridiculous for people to imply on here that if a black person has Afro or wild curly hair, that they’re discriminated at school into having their hair cut/straightened/dyed by the school head. It just doesn’t happen. However if any child wants to style their hair outside the norm, then they are pulled up on it. It isn’t a rule applied to any specific race or culture - it’s a rule applied to all school children. Some people don’t agree that school kids should be uniformed or instructed how to dress, but those are how some schools operate. And it’s madness to imply rules are only applied to black school children, because they really aren’t. As said previously, research schools and see what their policies are for uniforms/hairstyles, then choose the one which accommodates the needs and wants of your own child, which is the norm with most parents.. Also, I don’t have an ‘expensive to maintain’ hairstyle, so I’m doubtful that that’s a ‘thing’ in the workplace either, and that black people are forced into adopting ‘expensive to maintain’ hairstyles. Unless you live in London maybe, where city jobs might demand expensive clothes and hair maintenance, but this is not the case outside the cities.

Perhaps you should at least read the articles quoted in this thread.

💯

I will find another brick wall for my head.

Yes definitely.

When we say 'smart hairstyle' we automatically think of nice neat Caucasian hair. Try googling it!

I'm a teacher and my school has made a public pledge to accept all hairstyles and not discriminate. So yeah, it's a thing!

I’m not sure what’s more ridiculous, the fact that you have the audacity to tell black people that our lived experiences ‘is not the case’ and that you are ‘doubtful that that’s a ‘thing’’ when we are here TELLING you that it is very much a thing AND provding the evidence you seem to require from us or that fact that you have managed to survive to adulthood with this level of ignorance.

What else do you not believe because you personally haven’t experienced it?

Mumsnet just isn’t a safe place for black women anymore, though I doubt it ever was.

You have your opinion. I have mine. I haven't seen anything, despite reading the links provided, that suggests schools are racially discriminating against poc due to their hair, no matter how you try to position it. Maybe you're reading issues raised in the link how you want to read it. But, we will just have to agree to disagree.

Concrete example .

School rule : hair past your neck must be tied up.

Some teachers insisted a black girl with an afro must tie her hair, despite it being near on impossible and it not being past her neck. Because you know.. it grew out rather than down. They knew it was longer though because of that one time she had it straightened and it was long and she did have it tied up. They kept giving her red cards which eventually would’ve ended up in an internal exclusion, but things got sorted between parents and sensible SLT.

My long haired dds had their hair braided on holiday more than once. They were in pool or sea nearly all day, so it was a godsend from the daily washing/de-tangling POV. They never found it uncomfortable at all.

Honestly you are wasting your time. That PP "knows" better than black women describing personal experiences about the issues with black hair.

You are welcome to join me at my (very busy) brick wall 😉

Turned out so be super relevant

Well, as it happens I agree with you entirely. Mind, hair style restrictions sometimes have practical reasons. I had to plait my very long hair in one plait at the back, when at school. I was specifically not allowed to wear it in long and at that time very fashionable pigtails - both dangerous in some lessons (cookery and science) and sexually explict (which was the point of the fashion). Nor was I allowed to wear it loose, which was also the fashion. Safety and also avoidance of head lice were behind that decision, too.
One must not assume racist/classist motives behind what may often be practical rules.
I do however object to girls being made to wear trousers in school to prevent up-skirting. Preventing the up-skirting and making it explicitly clear to boys that this is a crime which can result in them being on the sex offenders register would be the proper solution along with permanent expulsion of any boy doing this (and reporting to the police, of course).
NB All women are on the same side. We all have bigger fish to fry than hairstyles.

I would look up ways on YouTube to style them in different ways and then play around with them. There are many gorgeous ways to style them but wait for a day or so as she may have a sore scalp.

Nope, not all women are on the same side. Statistics back that up.Some women won’t even acknowledge the other side if it came up to them and but them on the arse, much less be on it.

The fact that you’re reducing the issue to silly hairstyles shows my point.

An unwarranted comment. I was not reducing disagreement to hair styles. I am aware not all women are on the same side i.e. there are large sections of intersectional feminists who support TWAW. Not sure they are feminists, but I know that the interests of women include them even if they do not want to be included by me. I am for all women's rights even if I disagree with some women.

More whatboutery. Stop digging. We know what you meant.

“ Silly hairstyles”.

You don’t support all women if you talk that way towards black women.

And throwing trans women into this discussion? Really?

If trans women are a big issue affecting your life you probably don’t deal with racism on a daily basis. White people have been and continue to be a bigger threat to black women than the 2% of a trans people.