Paid over £150 for daughters hair and she hates it!

[Brainfogmcfogface]

What do I do?
my daughter (10yo) has been pleading for months to have her hair in long braids, 7 hours at the salon, lots of tears, and we’ve come home and she’s broken down saying she hates it, I’ve scrimped and saved for this, (single mum very low paying wage just about make ends meet) it’ll take hours to remove too, I just don’t know! What would others do? Tell her to keep it for a bit, whilst she cries her heart out, start taking it out? She’s got added hair, and they’re super long and I’ve no experience removing so god knows how long it’ll take, we’ve spent the whole day at the salon and I’ve had to put away every spare penny! I’m so sad she’s so upset, I wanted her first proper salon experience to be a good one, now I don’t think she’ll ever want to come to one again, I think she looks stunning btw! And was so excited to get it done, it’s been an exhausting day, but rather then a “it’ll be worth it in the end” experience it’s now a complete waste of time and money!

@purpleandcoral @Princessconsuelabananahammock9

I agree the stigma is wrong! But are
you not feeding into disparity?! I still can’t find any valid reason for you to have the knock about this? Other than ‘white people have enough privilege you can’t have our hairstyles too.’ Just makes no sense to me.

Glad she’s feeling better. I expect it’s just that it looks and feels v different and she’s still getting used to it.

Great update OP. 😊

Agree. I think it’s something about black children being discriminated against in schools because of their hairstyles, that the habitually offended on here are referencing. I’m honestly failing to see how or why anyone would be discriminated against in a school setting due to the style of their braids. It could be due to rules around hairstyles, but tbh rules are rules.

You sound like a very loving mother to me so I hope your daughter feels happier about her hair tomorrow ❤️

Good on you for hanging in there.
DD would have been exhausted, as well as shocked to see the change in the mirror.

It is realistic that she should live with her hair style for a few weeks. The whole experience will help her think hard before making decisions in the future.
She may decide to have a complete change again soon enough, and an extreme cut even. Good to get her used to the maintenance regime of different hair styles too.

Not that I think OP should have to post in the black mumsnetters section, but this thread goes a long way to prove why so many black mumsnetters wanted their own board on mumsnet.

Cultural appropriation isn't really considered a thing in the UK outside of MN. 10 year olds won't have heard of it, I'm sure .

This

This is reminding me of the pain when I had my teeth done aged 12. Honestly, the pain was always excruciating, once a week for months - I can remember it 40 years on, with weekly tears, snot, and the whole 9 yards - but the next day it would have dulled, and I kept going to the end. She may be really uncomfortable for a couple of days, but she can be reassured that hair grows amazingly quickly - you can probably demonstrate this (for example, I have to take 1cm off my fringe every month). I suppose I am concerned the your daughter may feel ashamed longer term if you take it out and waste your money, because that's how I would have felt - ashamed. I think you should ask her to give it a couple of days, not for you, but so she doesn't ultimately feel terrible about wasting your money on something she requested. Also, ask your friends and family to let her know that you get used to it. Suffering for beauty is a rite of passage!

I would imagine it hurts like hell if she's not used to it. I'm caucasian, but even putting my hair into a ponytail for a few hours when I'm not used to it really hurts. I liken it to having braces pushing your teeth into a new position - they hurt like hell for a couple of days, and also everytime they are tightened..

I would give her some paracetamol/ibuprofen as needed, also massage it with a warm, wet towel like someone further down the thread suggested and see how she goes. I would give her a few days to get used to it and see how she feels before taking it out. I hope she gets used to it and eventually likes it

thats so lovely to hear!
can you give her some calpol if shes in bit of pain whilst she gets used to them?
lovely to hear she’s feeling more bright about them!

I would make her keep them in because of how much they cost , for at least a month I would say.

IMO, having to settle for hours and hours of hair braiding is not healthy nor sustainable for a young child.
It is generous that you afforded what your DD wanted this time, Op, but I would try to help her feel strong and beautiful with a far less time consuming hair style.
People, especially kids, should not feel pressured to maintain expensive and painful hair styles.

I remember when my cousin had gorgeous long glossy hair as a ten year old. She would complain so much having it brushed because it hurt. When she got nits twice in about three months, her Mum took her to get a 'short back and sides' like her brother. Strangely, very quickly, my cousin loved her extremely short hair. She was an active girl and no longer had to sit for so long. She blossomed, and looked good.

All the best to you and your daughter.

This argument doesn't really work. There are plenty of black people with naturally blonde hair. What culture does blonde hair belong to?

If it’s the feel of it then I’d ask her to get to day 3 to see if the adjustment takes place, 3 days is usually how are brain works for something new to set in.

I don't know how it got to that but yes there's significant racial disparities in health care. They're not all well understood. Black women suffer significant complications of pregnancy at higher rates.

I don't think some of you understand the complexity of a full braid install. It costs £150 because it's loads of work; I've seen braids cost more than that. Some braiders really do them tight. Give it a day or two to see if it loosens. (Not Black myself but I have friends with natural hair; when they get braids or twists done with added hair it takes hours and hours.) The trend here is knotless braids which apparently hurt less but take some skill to do well. People do spend this on children.

And forget cultural appropriation. White hair, even curly, doesn't hold these styles as well. It's an excellent way to damage your hair, especially if you add a lot of hair.

What culture does blonde hair belong to?

it’s a genetic mutation of MC1R mostly found in Northern Europe, as the need for lighter skin in an area of less sunlight

Unnecessary comment. She was trying to do something nice for her daughter. She's already feeling bad, why make her feel worse?

Sounds like she is calming down already. I suppose she is lucky to be of a generation where she isn't just forced to have braids and deal with those uncomfortable feelings, and live in a world where natural hair is more accepted. I understand how upsetting it is for you that she is so distraught after you spent all that money, but just forget the money, it's spent now. Don't make her feel bad about the money. She needs you to remain rational.

She may change her mind once she gets positive feedback from her friends and the braids will loosen over time, so the pain may lessen too? The braids were put in at considerable cost and time, so maybe you may persuade her to give it a few days? But if it's harming her - too much pain, discomfort- it comes out immediately of course.

You've said your DD is black and I assume you are not. Do you have any BFF or aunties who have similar hair to your DD who can help or advise and try to improve her opinion of her own hair?
My DD BFF is black and her hair takes ages to get done and is uncomfortable for a bit at first sometimes when newly done. And it is hard to touch, but is a lot easier to manage day to day.
It must be heartbreaking to see her be negative about her self. Hopefully her friends will be so positive that she comes to love it.

You're a good mum, let her live with the hairstyle a while before drastically doing anything.

Tell me you don’t know any black people without telling me you don’t know any black people.

For real. These comments are unintentionally hilarious.

What makes you say that?