Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

This is my life goal but my friend says it's boring.

186 replies

WindyWendyHouse · 02/04/2025 09:26

I know we are all different and all have different ambitions and goals in life but I just wondered what others thought. Is my friend right, am I boring?

For context, my life has been quite stressful for the last few years. I am 52 and have raised my dc for the last 20 years. I have some chronic health issues so have only worked part time for a long time and have always had a job, not a career but I have made my peace with that and that's fine. Tbh, my priority has been to get my health back on track and feeling well.

I currently help to care for my mum who has Alzheimers and have been doing this for the last 5 years. For 6 years my ds (now 19) had school anxiety every day and that in itself was very emotional, he is doing well now thankfully. This has all been draining - emotionally and physically.

I have ADHD (and probably ASD too) and I have always loved peace and quiet. The lovely village I grew up and still live in has been heavily built on in recent years and is now very busy, I live on the main road of the village and it is so noisy now. I don not enjoy living here now.

I have always craved peace and quiet. I love nature and the countryside. My ideal day would be a walk in the countryside with my dh and dog, a mooch around a nice garden centre and enjoy a lovely lunch in the cafe there and an afternoon in my country garden (when I eventually move to the countryside) with a good book and then a nice film in the evening.

My dh and I plan on moving deeper into the countryside or maybe a small market /seaside town to spend the rest of out days there. We like to travel but atm are happy in our touring caravan exploring the UK, we do plan to take it over to Europe when dh retires.

However, my best friend of 45 years thinks this is boring. She is lovely and I love her dearly but we are very different. I appreciate we are all different but she seems to think my life goals are dull. She has a lot of money and travels alot. She is very sociable and is either at a party, down the pub or out for a meal every weekend. She loves hot sunny holidays where she will sunbathe all day and then socialise all evening. She and her dh are always off to concerts and places full of people. I totally understand that is her thing but as someone who is neurodiverse that is my idea of hell, I just crave peace and I wish she could see that. I truly love that she enjoys her lifestyle but I love mine too, she is always on at me to book a holiday abroad but I (or DH) don't want to sit on a beach all day. When we do eventually have the money to travel abroad we want to go to interesting places, I want to go to places with history and culture but she finds that boring.

We are all who we are and I accept that she enjoys a fun packed life but that just isn't me. Am I really that boring?

OP posts:
CarterBeatsTheDevil · 02/04/2025 09:28

What you've described sounds lovely to me, OP, but even if I wasn't of the same mind it wouldn't make you dull. I think maybe back yourself a bit? You like what you like!

Octavia64 · 02/04/2025 09:29

If you are then so am I.

i’m medically retired.

i worked in a school for twenty years and brought up two children.

i’m now divorced.

i have spent twenty years of my life running at full pace to work and look after my kids and and and.

now I want some bloody peace and quiet.

HowardTJMoon · 02/04/2025 09:35

Your plan is to move somewhere you like and to do things that make you happy. What a fantastic life goal! I'd much prefer that than sitting on a hot beach day after day.

Obvnotthegolden · 02/04/2025 09:38

Laying in the sun all day sounds boring to me.

Like you say we are all different, why does it matter if someone thinks what you like is boring?

Guitaryo · 02/04/2025 09:40

Doesn't sound boring to me! As you say we are all different, the only person who's opinion matters on whether it's boring or not is yours. She might be a bit jealous you know what you want, lots of us don't and are then left feeling unfulfilled even though we don't know what would fulfil us! The most boring thing to do would be to live in line with what other people think you should want :)

Original poster
WindyWendyHouse · 02/04/2025 09:41

Thank you all, that's made me feel a bit better about myself. Was overthinking it this morning and feeling a bit glum but I don't have fomo or a burning desire to do stuff all the time, that is not me or my personality. I just want a nice easy going, plod along life.

OP posts:
Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 02/04/2025 09:42

I don't think you are boring.

You need to tell your friend she's being rude. That just because she would find it boring doesn't mean you have to.

Tell her off.

ShriekingTrespasser · 02/04/2025 09:43

There’s nothing wrong with your goal and there’s nothing wrong with your friend thinking it would be boring for her. She should appreciate your differences as much as you do.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 02/04/2025 09:43

It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. If you have identified goals that are meaningful and important to you, then those goals are absolutely valid, and your friend would do well not to pass judgement on them.

What you've described isn't boring. The kind of lifestyle that you describe wouldn't suit everyone, because we're all different and we enjoy different things, but if you think it is going to make you happy, then absolutely go for it. There is nothing remotely boring about living a happy life in line with your personal values.

HateThese4Leggedbeasts · 02/04/2025 09:45

Wanting a peaceful pace of life is not somehow "less" or worse. It's just different. I'm more astonished your friend doesn't see that.

I guess there is the trope that living your best life means doing more but that is not for everyone.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 02/04/2025 09:50

I presume you would be moving some distance away from your long term friend to achieve your (lovely - it's pretty much the life I have!) life goal?

I think that it's not that she thinks it's boring, it's that she's afraid that if you move she won't see you again/as often. She doesn't want to lose you. She'd probably love that kind of life herself too, but she can't or won't move to get it and she's worried that you're going to disappear from her life. So she's wrong to say she thinks your life goal is boring, she should be admitting how much your friendship means to her and how afraid she is of losing it.

Mearse · 02/04/2025 09:52

Don’t worry about what she thinks.

My only goal in life is to get through a day without something awful happening. I take it one day at a time, I don’t have any future goals, never have.

Your plan sounds lovely. Sod what other people think.

Original poster
WindyWendyHouse · 02/04/2025 09:52

HateThese4Leggedbeasts · 02/04/2025 09:45

Wanting a peaceful pace of life is not somehow "less" or worse. It's just different. I'm more astonished your friend doesn't see that.

I guess there is the trope that living your best life means doing more but that is not for everyone.

I think the issue may be with my friend and her husband is that they hang out with a large group of couples who all seem to want to do as much as possible in their lives, which is obviously fine if they all want to do that but two from the group have died in their 40's and it seems to have triggered something in some of them.
I wonder if this has contributed to it all, I was speaking to one of the women who's DH had lost his bf a few years ago and since then he has become obsessed with going out all the time and on holiday as much as he can, he is convinced he is going to die young too, she says is exhausting.

Obviously, the things that happen in our lives shape our outlook on life too. I've spent the last 5 years helping to care for my mum, it's exhausting emotionally and has probably shaped and pushed my goal to live as peaceful life as possible once my poor mum has passed.

OP posts:
Continuewithfacebook · 02/04/2025 09:57

Your life goal sounds wonderful because it suits you and your nature, and your DH's too. Your friend doesn't have to share the same goal but should be more respectful.

FlyingUnicornWings · 02/04/2025 09:58

Your plan sounds perfect and lovely. You sound content with your lot and that’s as happy as you can be in life. Rock (or read a book in peace) on!

Dozycuntlaters · 02/04/2025 10:01

God no, you are not boring at all. Personally I find people who want to rave it up, and get pissed all the time boring.

I am 54, and single and my goal is to get a converted van, and bugger off round the UK and Europe with my dog. It is my absolute dream and sounds like complete heaven.

BeakyFlinders · 02/04/2025 10:02

Sounds perfect, OP. Fortunately your friend can live her own life in the way she wants.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 02/04/2025 10:03

If it doesn't bore you it's not boring. Well done for being self aware and not conforming to what your friend thinks is the norm. We're all different, you do you.

MeganM3 · 02/04/2025 10:04

It does sound a little boring to me. But it’s perfect for you… that is what matters. Everyone has different tastes.
I want to live my golden years out in central London or Paris and take lots of exotic holidays. Perhaps your idea of a horrible time.

Peace and tranquility are probably most people’s preference.

Trypenniesfromheaven · 02/04/2025 10:05

I think your life goal sounds wonderful.

I think your friend's idea of a good life sounds boring actually.

I don't think she is much of a friend if she belittles your dreams and wants to mould you into a replica of herself.

You are intelligent enough to see everyone is different and accept them for what they are. She clearly isn't and doesn't.

And she must be very selfish if she can't understand the reasons you have for craving the life you want.
A good friend would be encouraging you to find a life that makes YOU happy.

Obvnotthegolden · 02/04/2025 10:07

WindyWendyHouse · 02/04/2025 09:52

I think the issue may be with my friend and her husband is that they hang out with a large group of couples who all seem to want to do as much as possible in their lives, which is obviously fine if they all want to do that but two from the group have died in their 40's and it seems to have triggered something in some of them.
I wonder if this has contributed to it all, I was speaking to one of the women who's DH had lost his bf a few years ago and since then he has become obsessed with going out all the time and on holiday as much as he can, he is convinced he is going to die young too, she says is exhausting.

Obviously, the things that happen in our lives shape our outlook on life too. I've spent the last 5 years helping to care for my mum, it's exhausting emotionally and has probably shaped and pushed my goal to live as peaceful life as possible once my poor mum has passed.

Edited
Show quote history

I can understand that. My sister is 10 years older than me in her 60s and her group of friends have had some early deaths which triggered her to book over 20 cruises for the next few years.
Cruises isn't my thing but it is her idea of living her best life.

Isthismykarma · 02/04/2025 10:07

I’m 27 no children and have partied my way through my 20s. Your friends life sounds ideal to me. But your dream life sounds wonderful too. I hate people who can’t see anyone else’s side to things, it’s so close minded.

BarchesterTowels · 02/04/2025 10:08

You have received plenty of nice sensible responses already, but I'd just like to add that your life goal sounds wonderful and I'd love to do that too.

Obvnotthegolden · 02/04/2025 10:11

Meant to say as well that you could change your mind as your pressures ease, how you feel now might change in 5 or 10 years time, as it might for your friend. How long can she keep up that pace??

It sounds like you have a great balance built into your goals ie live somewhere nice and peaceful and then travel to fun and interesting places.

You can always have a weekend in London or any UK city for some bright lights and excitement, you don't need to live there!

frozendaisy · 02/04/2025 10:14

Death can do funny things to people
We have had family losses and it did spur us on to not wait.

But we are not out all the time and sitting around pools! We read the books we want to before we die, we take teens out to see theatre, art, comedy, magic, not music as much they can go and see who they are interested in.
We have taken them to many places of interest, one being Pompeii not sure if you mean places like this OP, people free it was not! But that’s what you have to do if you want to see things many others are interested in. I have been, but want to take them to the Taj Mahal and that will be chaos, worth it mind.

So I get the not wanting to wait until the perfect time to go, I get sitting by the pool, not for us, I get wanting to do nature walks and read all the time (again not for us).

Many people wouldn’t like our holiday/leisure time preferences (yes I have dragged them to another continent to see a few paintings we obviously did other things) and that’s ok. We enjoy hearing about other people’s holidays and what they find enjoyable, they listen (presume) like hearing about what we do. That’s the friendship part, you don’t have to be the same just interested without judgement or over analysis.

You are sort of doing the same about her choices OP, for us, both of your choices wouldn’t work. But that’s us and it doesn’t matter. Our choices wouldn’t work for you, that’s fine.

Just enjoy her company.

Swipe left for the next trending thread