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Original poster

This is my life goal but my friend says it's boring.

186 replies

WindyWendyHouse · 02/04/2025 09:26

I know we are all different and all have different ambitions and goals in life but I just wondered what others thought. Is my friend right, am I boring?

For context, my life has been quite stressful for the last few years. I am 52 and have raised my dc for the last 20 years. I have some chronic health issues so have only worked part time for a long time and have always had a job, not a career but I have made my peace with that and that's fine. Tbh, my priority has been to get my health back on track and feeling well.

I currently help to care for my mum who has Alzheimers and have been doing this for the last 5 years. For 6 years my ds (now 19) had school anxiety every day and that in itself was very emotional, he is doing well now thankfully. This has all been draining - emotionally and physically.

I have ADHD (and probably ASD too) and I have always loved peace and quiet. The lovely village I grew up and still live in has been heavily built on in recent years and is now very busy, I live on the main road of the village and it is so noisy now. I don not enjoy living here now.

I have always craved peace and quiet. I love nature and the countryside. My ideal day would be a walk in the countryside with my dh and dog, a mooch around a nice garden centre and enjoy a lovely lunch in the cafe there and an afternoon in my country garden (when I eventually move to the countryside) with a good book and then a nice film in the evening.

My dh and I plan on moving deeper into the countryside or maybe a small market /seaside town to spend the rest of out days there. We like to travel but atm are happy in our touring caravan exploring the UK, we do plan to take it over to Europe when dh retires.

However, my best friend of 45 years thinks this is boring. She is lovely and I love her dearly but we are very different. I appreciate we are all different but she seems to think my life goals are dull. She has a lot of money and travels alot. She is very sociable and is either at a party, down the pub or out for a meal every weekend. She loves hot sunny holidays where she will sunbathe all day and then socialise all evening. She and her dh are always off to concerts and places full of people. I totally understand that is her thing but as someone who is neurodiverse that is my idea of hell, I just crave peace and I wish she could see that. I truly love that she enjoys her lifestyle but I love mine too, she is always on at me to book a holiday abroad but I (or DH) don't want to sit on a beach all day. When we do eventually have the money to travel abroad we want to go to interesting places, I want to go to places with history and culture but she finds that boring.

We are all who we are and I accept that she enjoys a fun packed life but that just isn't me. Am I really that boring?

OP posts:
Original poster
WindyWendyHouse · 02/04/2025 13:46

Fargo79 · 02/04/2025 11:14

Well I think it sounds absolutely blissful.

I am also ND and I wonder if you have the same extreme emotional sensitivity that a lot of ND people experience? For me one of the ways it manifests is a horrible feeling of being judged by people, not measuring up to other people, not being good enough etc. So a friend questioning something as significant to me as my entire life goal (!) and calling me boring would probably send me into a total spiral.

I think you probably need to spend less time with shitty friends and keep reminding yourself that your goals are personal to you/your husband and all your dreams for yourselves are absolutely valid.

Yes, you've described me to a T.
I am super sensitive in every aspect (physically, emotionally, mentally......)

OP posts:
Abracadabra12345 · 02/04/2025 13:47

@ThisUniqueDreamer(love your user name!)

I agree with all you’ve said. I met with my ADD daughter this week in London and she was telling me about her 3 evenings out on the trot! She was animated and happy. She also loves cycling out in the countryside and pottering around at home.

I love peace and quiet and the countryside but for me, I know there can be too much of a good thing and I’d feel stifled on a day-to-day basis with only my DH for company. I’m ND too. So I love the balance of nature and days out ( or even trips away) since one day my health will mean the choice is taken away and staying in is all I can do.

Your own plans sound great OP although take heed of the couple of posters who suggest not to bury yourself too deeply in the countryside away from all amenities

ConiferBat · 02/04/2025 13:48

Contentment is the measure of whether you're living a good life, not excitement.

I can imagine the friend feeling very content after a day on her sun lounger & a good meal.

I can definitely imagine OP feeling very content in a beautiful garden, birds singing reading a good book.

Both happy.

Mollysocks · 02/04/2025 13:50

”I have always craved peace and quiet. I love nature and the countryside. My ideal day would be a walk in the countryside with my dh and dog, a mooch around a nice garden centre and enjoy a lovely lunch in the cafe there and an afternoon in my country garden (when I eventually move to the countryside) with a good book and then a nice film in the evening.”

I’m 31 OP and this is my ideal day 😁

Original poster
WindyWendyHouse · 02/04/2025 13:52

dottydodah · 02/04/2025 11:22

WindyWendyHouse Are you me? I have had a similar life to you.Mum had Alzheimers ,My DD was home educated due to bullying ,My other DD was very intelligent and had every hobby going( which I had to take her to!) the energy 10 people and a lively Labrador to boot! Mum passed away ,DD still at home with us and DD2 went to Uni ( now bought own house with BF).Absolutely exhausted. Mentally and physically Also had Sepsis when this all happened .Recently Cancer as well.Hopefully treated .Just want to go out for days and shopping ,not drive too far .I think our sort of lives just wear us out!

Sorry to hear you've been through so much recently, it is very draining, isn't it? A simple life just feels like such bliss after all of the crap. The calm after the storm so to speak.

OP posts:
Doitrightnow · 02/04/2025 13:53

Your goals sound lovely and I know plenty of people who would like it and I don't think are boring.

People are different 🤷

People change over time too. In my early 20s I loved backpacking. Now I'd hate that kind of holiday!

Original poster
WindyWendyHouse · 02/04/2025 13:56

thiswilloutme · 02/04/2025 11:27

I live the life you want @WindyWendyHouse and it's fabulous. I'm close enough to a train station (well a half hour car journey) to get to a big city if I want to hit a gallery or museum, but I love my life pottering around, walking the dogs, reading, doing hobbies.

I had a very busy, full on, job pre retirement. I travelled to lots of places in the world and now I just want to enjoy the birdsong.

My DSis is like your friend - I would hate her life!

There is nothing more joyful (imo) than the sound of birdsong. I stood listening to a thrush this morning on my dog walk over the woods, bliss.

OP posts:
Chipsahoy · 02/04/2025 14:10

Nope. I’m ten years younger than you and moved away from our lovely town life three years ago. We are very rural now.

I am job hunting but haven’t worked in 7 years now. I spend my days in the garden with my animals. Or inside renovating our home. All three kids are in school.
For anyone introverted or similar, it’s a dream. I have a lot of trauma. I’ve worked hard to heal but I have found the most healing thing has been to live in nature. Peace has to come from within but it’s helpful when the surroundings are peaceful too.
You aren’t boring. You know what it’s best for you and what makes you feel calm and happy. Absolutely embrace that dream. Your friend can have her own.

Original poster
WindyWendyHouse · 02/04/2025 14:13

dogcatkitten · 02/04/2025 13:39

I think you are craving peace and quiet because of the stress you are under. It is what you want and it will be great, but I wouldn't bet that you won't introduce a few more exciting things into your life once you've had a good dose of peace and quiet. And if not great.

I'm in peace and quiet mode currently!

I have done many of the 'exciting' things in my teens and 20's. I have travelled, spend most weekends in London (it's only an hour from where I live), went to endless concerts and festivals, meals out etc but I never really enjoyed it even back then. I have always loved peace and quite and as I child I would often retreat to my bedroom when it felt to 'peopley' or loud/busy for me.

Being in nature, by the sea or countryside feels natural to me, it feels like home. That's not to say we don't go out for meals, to the cinema etc and as I said in my OP, we have a touring caravan and travel about a lot around the UK. But I have no desire anymore for crowds, noise and anything taxing for my sensitive nature, I imagine that will never change.

OP posts:
FoolishHips · 02/04/2025 14:18

I'm reading this post with a wistful expression. Your dream life sounds lovely OP. I live in this very odd place....it looks idyllic as you walk up to my house because it's next to a river and (a thin stretch of) woodland. But it's actually really busy, backs onto a police station car park (with car alarms constantly going off) with a very busy road behind. The area is really busy but that inaccessible bit of woodland makes me feel like I'm complaining about nothing! I have similar plans to you....I'm desperate to create a nature garden as currently we have plastic grass (not my choice).

Original poster
WindyWendyHouse · 02/04/2025 14:23

Chipsahoy · 02/04/2025 14:10

Nope. I’m ten years younger than you and moved away from our lovely town life three years ago. We are very rural now.

I am job hunting but haven’t worked in 7 years now. I spend my days in the garden with my animals. Or inside renovating our home. All three kids are in school.
For anyone introverted or similar, it’s a dream. I have a lot of trauma. I’ve worked hard to heal but I have found the most healing thing has been to live in nature. Peace has to come from within but it’s helpful when the surroundings are peaceful too.
You aren’t boring. You know what it’s best for you and what makes you feel calm and happy. Absolutely embrace that dream. Your friend can have her own.

This exactly.

Across the road from where we live is a little lane which leads onto fields and woodlands with a stream. I walk over there every day with my dog, in all weathers and every single time I feel as though I have stepped into a different world. I have left the busy road behind me and the bliss of stepping into nature feels like a weight off my shoulders, it is so relaxing.

Nature has always grounded me, we used to walk miles in woods and over fields with our dogs when I was a child and it has always been a blissful thing for me. I have to go into our town (now a city) 3 times a week to drop dd off to college and for me it's brutal, so noisy, so busy, people with road rage everywhere. Town/city life is just not for me and as soon as I drive back to our semi-rural village it feels so less stressful, going further into the country is for me, I know it's not for everyone but it is for me.

May you continue to enjoy much peace and healing.

OP posts:
jocyrets · 02/04/2025 14:38

I have friends who have to spend every mi ute if every day doing something. Not me. I love sitting in my garden, pottering, going to lunch occasionally, going round a garden centre. What you want to do is ‘not boring’ it is self preservation. Good luck with a quieter life.

Munnygirl · 02/04/2025 15:39

Your life and plans for the future sound wonderful.

CannotWaitForSummervibes · 02/04/2025 15:44

You can both be right. You want somewhere peaceful, your friend doesn’t. Both of those options are fine, just not not everyone. People are different.

TorroFerney · 02/04/2025 15:45

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 02/04/2025 09:42

I don't think you are boring.

You need to tell your friend she's being rude. That just because she would find it boring doesn't mean you have to.

Tell her off.

But the friend hasn’t said the op is noting if I’ve understood correctly , she’s said that she would find it boring. Like the op may say when friend describes her busy lifestyle oh I’d find that a nightmare.

if friend has said she’s boring then that’s different and she needs to have a look at emotional maturity : intelligence as she’s lacking.

Seasidelife1 · 02/04/2025 16:06

Go for it, we did and have no regrets. We lived in our town for 25 years and in that time it got bigger and just so busy. The infrastructure really couldn’t cope.
2020 and the pandemic came, our two surviving parents had serious health issues and a year later we were left with one.It was time to rethink life.
We (along with the remaining parent) relocated to a small coastal village a long way from where we were. Jobs were scaled back hugely but our quality of life is so much better. It sounds crazy but even the dog and the cats are happier!! People said we were brave to do so, but I feel now we live rather than just exist.

treesandsun · 02/04/2025 16:13

I would tell your 'friend' whilst she might think your goals are boring at least you're not rude and piss on other people's plans

TokyoKyoto · 02/04/2025 16:16

Your friend is a bit rude! Everything you suggest sounds lovely, and even if it weren't for me exactly (although it is lol) then I would just think, oh good, we're a bit different but this feels happy.

Original poster
WindyWendyHouse · 02/04/2025 16:33

Seasidelife1 · 02/04/2025 16:06

Go for it, we did and have no regrets. We lived in our town for 25 years and in that time it got bigger and just so busy. The infrastructure really couldn’t cope.
2020 and the pandemic came, our two surviving parents had serious health issues and a year later we were left with one.It was time to rethink life.
We (along with the remaining parent) relocated to a small coastal village a long way from where we were. Jobs were scaled back hugely but our quality of life is so much better. It sounds crazy but even the dog and the cats are happier!! People said we were brave to do so, but I feel now we live rather than just exist.

Sounds blissful.

Our town has become crazy since it received city status a few years ago and I find it so stressful, as you say, the infrastructure can not cope, there are road works on every single road and the traffic jams are a daily issue.

As soon as we can, dh is planning to retire in 2 years, we will start looking a little further out to where we are now. Can't wait.

OP posts:
Devon23 · 02/04/2025 17:15

Sounds like a jealous friend to me. I live in a seaside town in Devon, its def not boring always events on and neigbours that talk to each other - living the dream lol.

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 02/04/2025 18:01

I suppose that boring is a subjective perspective, depending on what the speakers own preferences are. Do what makes you happy.

ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmmmmmmmm · 03/04/2025 18:39

Not nuerodiverse in any way, shape or form. Your life goal sounds identical to my own. Peace, quiet and contentment are my major priorities now. If I can slip from this world, completely unnoticed and u remarked, having been happy, I will be content.

LetMeGoogleThat · 03/04/2025 18:45

Its both, your life would be dull for her and her life would be wrong for you.

But, you've both hit on the perfect life for yourselves!

Posting from my peaceful cottage in the countryside.

Kaleidoscope101 · 03/04/2025 18:51

WindyWendyHouse · 02/04/2025 09:26

I know we are all different and all have different ambitions and goals in life but I just wondered what others thought. Is my friend right, am I boring?

For context, my life has been quite stressful for the last few years. I am 52 and have raised my dc for the last 20 years. I have some chronic health issues so have only worked part time for a long time and have always had a job, not a career but I have made my peace with that and that's fine. Tbh, my priority has been to get my health back on track and feeling well.

I currently help to care for my mum who has Alzheimers and have been doing this for the last 5 years. For 6 years my ds (now 19) had school anxiety every day and that in itself was very emotional, he is doing well now thankfully. This has all been draining - emotionally and physically.

I have ADHD (and probably ASD too) and I have always loved peace and quiet. The lovely village I grew up and still live in has been heavily built on in recent years and is now very busy, I live on the main road of the village and it is so noisy now. I don not enjoy living here now.

I have always craved peace and quiet. I love nature and the countryside. My ideal day would be a walk in the countryside with my dh and dog, a mooch around a nice garden centre and enjoy a lovely lunch in the cafe there and an afternoon in my country garden (when I eventually move to the countryside) with a good book and then a nice film in the evening.

My dh and I plan on moving deeper into the countryside or maybe a small market /seaside town to spend the rest of out days there. We like to travel but atm are happy in our touring caravan exploring the UK, we do plan to take it over to Europe when dh retires.

However, my best friend of 45 years thinks this is boring. She is lovely and I love her dearly but we are very different. I appreciate we are all different but she seems to think my life goals are dull. She has a lot of money and travels alot. She is very sociable and is either at a party, down the pub or out for a meal every weekend. She loves hot sunny holidays where she will sunbathe all day and then socialise all evening. She and her dh are always off to concerts and places full of people. I totally understand that is her thing but as someone who is neurodiverse that is my idea of hell, I just crave peace and I wish she could see that. I truly love that she enjoys her lifestyle but I love mine too, she is always on at me to book a holiday abroad but I (or DH) don't want to sit on a beach all day. When we do eventually have the money to travel abroad we want to go to interesting places, I want to go to places with history and culture but she finds that boring.

We are all who we are and I accept that she enjoys a fun packed life but that just isn't me. Am I really that boring?

A friend of mine has recently made a move like this to a lovely countryside village not far from the sea.

I certainly am very envious of it

MyBusyBee · 03/04/2025 18:52

WindyWendyHouse · 02/04/2025 09:26

I know we are all different and all have different ambitions and goals in life but I just wondered what others thought. Is my friend right, am I boring?

For context, my life has been quite stressful for the last few years. I am 52 and have raised my dc for the last 20 years. I have some chronic health issues so have only worked part time for a long time and have always had a job, not a career but I have made my peace with that and that's fine. Tbh, my priority has been to get my health back on track and feeling well.

I currently help to care for my mum who has Alzheimers and have been doing this for the last 5 years. For 6 years my ds (now 19) had school anxiety every day and that in itself was very emotional, he is doing well now thankfully. This has all been draining - emotionally and physically.

I have ADHD (and probably ASD too) and I have always loved peace and quiet. The lovely village I grew up and still live in has been heavily built on in recent years and is now very busy, I live on the main road of the village and it is so noisy now. I don not enjoy living here now.

I have always craved peace and quiet. I love nature and the countryside. My ideal day would be a walk in the countryside with my dh and dog, a mooch around a nice garden centre and enjoy a lovely lunch in the cafe there and an afternoon in my country garden (when I eventually move to the countryside) with a good book and then a nice film in the evening.

My dh and I plan on moving deeper into the countryside or maybe a small market /seaside town to spend the rest of out days there. We like to travel but atm are happy in our touring caravan exploring the UK, we do plan to take it over to Europe when dh retires.

However, my best friend of 45 years thinks this is boring. She is lovely and I love her dearly but we are very different. I appreciate we are all different but she seems to think my life goals are dull. She has a lot of money and travels alot. She is very sociable and is either at a party, down the pub or out for a meal every weekend. She loves hot sunny holidays where she will sunbathe all day and then socialise all evening. She and her dh are always off to concerts and places full of people. I totally understand that is her thing but as someone who is neurodiverse that is my idea of hell, I just crave peace and I wish she could see that. I truly love that she enjoys her lifestyle but I love mine too, she is always on at me to book a holiday abroad but I (or DH) don't want to sit on a beach all day. When we do eventually have the money to travel abroad we want to go to interesting places, I want to go to places with history and culture but she finds that boring.

We are all who we are and I accept that she enjoys a fun packed life but that just isn't me. Am I really that boring?

This is my dream and my DH.
we have 5 years to go.

Recently we have brought our forever house. It overlooks ponds on both sides of it. Large ancient oaks and countryside on the edge of a large town that I grew up in. We wake up to birdsong and go to bed watching the bats roost. We have neighbours but we will get a motor home and explore the U.K. together.

Have you asked her to accept that you like different things? Just say no to her ideas.

I have ADHD and although I’m currently on a short city break with my 17 year old. It is just that short. Both of us have had lovely days out and then curled up with books, Netflix and mumsnet for the evening!