Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

This is my life goal but my friend says it's boring.

186 replies

WindyWendyHouse · 02/04/2025 09:26

I know we are all different and all have different ambitions and goals in life but I just wondered what others thought. Is my friend right, am I boring?

For context, my life has been quite stressful for the last few years. I am 52 and have raised my dc for the last 20 years. I have some chronic health issues so have only worked part time for a long time and have always had a job, not a career but I have made my peace with that and that's fine. Tbh, my priority has been to get my health back on track and feeling well.

I currently help to care for my mum who has Alzheimers and have been doing this for the last 5 years. For 6 years my ds (now 19) had school anxiety every day and that in itself was very emotional, he is doing well now thankfully. This has all been draining - emotionally and physically.

I have ADHD (and probably ASD too) and I have always loved peace and quiet. The lovely village I grew up and still live in has been heavily built on in recent years and is now very busy, I live on the main road of the village and it is so noisy now. I don not enjoy living here now.

I have always craved peace and quiet. I love nature and the countryside. My ideal day would be a walk in the countryside with my dh and dog, a mooch around a nice garden centre and enjoy a lovely lunch in the cafe there and an afternoon in my country garden (when I eventually move to the countryside) with a good book and then a nice film in the evening.

My dh and I plan on moving deeper into the countryside or maybe a small market /seaside town to spend the rest of out days there. We like to travel but atm are happy in our touring caravan exploring the UK, we do plan to take it over to Europe when dh retires.

However, my best friend of 45 years thinks this is boring. She is lovely and I love her dearly but we are very different. I appreciate we are all different but she seems to think my life goals are dull. She has a lot of money and travels alot. She is very sociable and is either at a party, down the pub or out for a meal every weekend. She loves hot sunny holidays where she will sunbathe all day and then socialise all evening. She and her dh are always off to concerts and places full of people. I totally understand that is her thing but as someone who is neurodiverse that is my idea of hell, I just crave peace and I wish she could see that. I truly love that she enjoys her lifestyle but I love mine too, she is always on at me to book a holiday abroad but I (or DH) don't want to sit on a beach all day. When we do eventually have the money to travel abroad we want to go to interesting places, I want to go to places with history and culture but she finds that boring.

We are all who we are and I accept that she enjoys a fun packed life but that just isn't me. Am I really that boring?

OP posts:
Gundogday · 02/04/2025 10:46

Are you me? Sounds lovely, and we already partly do it (similar age to you). Did the dog this morning - nice walk through the woods. At weekends we’ll go for nice walks slightly further afield along the coast, via a cafe. Love reading in the evening.

I’m not a total homebody - you can do both. I’ve got a theatre show and a concert lined up this month as well.

It’s your life, not hers. Enjoy!

(ps. One of my favourite tv programmes at the moment is ‘My dream farm’ on channel 4, about people competing to become tenants on a Welsh farm. There’s lovely scenery, nice people and you forget it’s a competition because it’s just, well, lovely. You may enjoy it).

Ilikewinter · 02/04/2025 10:47

I am living the perfect boring life! DH and I both WFH, 2 months ago we moved 115 miles from a major city to a rural village, 40 minutes from the coast. We have a dog, so now instead of commuting I spend my afternoon walking the dog, and this week sitting in the garden. Weekends we nip to the coast ( my favourite place), or we potter around doing 'house' stuff. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

Trovindia · 02/04/2025 10:48

Trypenniesfromheaven · 02/04/2025 10:05

I think your life goal sounds wonderful.

I think your friend's idea of a good life sounds boring actually.

I don't think she is much of a friend if she belittles your dreams and wants to mould you into a replica of herself.

You are intelligent enough to see everyone is different and accept them for what they are. She clearly isn't and doesn't.

And she must be very selfish if she can't understand the reasons you have for craving the life you want.
A good friend would be encouraging you to find a life that makes YOU happy.

This.

What you want would bore me senseless, but I'm not you so what does that matter? If you were my friend I would be encouraging you to do what works for you. Is your friend controlling of you in other ways?

JustSawJohnny · 02/04/2025 10:48

'Yes, well we're different people, aren't we? You'd hate my life and I'd hate yours!'

Rinse and repeat.

MrsJoanDanvers · 02/04/2025 10:48

Does it really matter what she thinks? You’re not living her life, you’re living yours. If that’s what makes you content, you don’t need other people to validate your life. I would be telling my friend it’s not good form to rate someone’s dream as boring though.

RaininSummer · 02/04/2025 10:49

Sounds blissful and exactly what I would want.

Kendodd · 02/04/2025 10:52

I think your life sounds boring, you would probably think my life sounds like hell.
So what !
Why do you care OP ?

cestlaviecherie · 02/04/2025 10:55

I don't think it sounds boring but it sounds stressful being in the middle of nowhere with bad internet, potential power outages, having everything from the weekly shop to a dr appointment being a big production, not having as many services and delivery options available, no one to help in emergencies, the annoyance of forgetting/running out of milk, kids getting bored etc.

Hwi · 02/04/2025 10:56

Boring is a quality of a person - we don't know you, we can't say if you are boring or not.

fourquenelles · 02/04/2025 10:57

Sounds fab to me OP. I don't have FOMO, I have JOMO - the joy of missing out. I am pushing 70, have been retired for almost 15 years and I thoroughly enjoy my dog, garden, dollhouse and just poggling about. I enjoy other people in small doses buit do not alone time to recharge my batteries. I also fantasise about living on a boat on the canals but I know that'll stay in my head!

Ohthatsabitshit · 02/04/2025 11:00

Her life would bore you, yours would bore her. You appear to have better manners in that you aren’t (as far as we know) putting her down for her preferred pastimes. If she’s your friend can you not tell her that her comments are making you anxious?

speakout · 02/04/2025 11:02

OP you have a friend problem, not a life goal problem.

Good friends support us in our choices and desires, even if those goals are not ones they share.
A good friend would not call you boring or dull.

You say your friend is "lovely"- doesn't sound like that is the case.

rosemarble · 02/04/2025 11:04

Why would doing something you love be boring?

You friend sounds narrow minded and rude.

Original poster
WindyWendyHouse · 02/04/2025 11:05

Sonolanona · 02/04/2025 10:18

Your goals sound like mine !
I'm 57, still working a couple of days a week and also caring for grandchildren a couple of days a week, plus my DS2 who has autism, and keeping an eye on my Mum.
My escape is my allotment, and all I want is peace and quiet when I'm not caring for someone, and to walk my dog in the sunshine, maybe read or crochet, and slowly I'm learning piano. My social battery runs out quickly and I don't need excitement, or exotic holidays; just to see my children, and grandchildren and grow things. DH has his hobbies, I have mine and we are content.

I have a couple of friends who are 'living life to the max' and I am happy for them, but it's not for me, and that's ok!

This is exactly me. I'm on a waiting list for an allotment and learning to crochet.

Living life to the max isn't for me either. Never had been tbh.

OP posts:
Swampdonkey123 · 02/04/2025 11:06

I don't think there is anything wrong with what you want to do. I would make sure you have some flexibility though. Having spent years rushing about I totally get the desire for peace and quiet, but it may be that once you have after a while you do find you want more. You won't know until you try it, I just think its worth keeping an open mind.

Cosmosforbreakfast · 02/04/2025 11:06

Neither of you are wrong for wanting what you want. Your friend is rude to say it's boring though. It's not for her, she could leave it at that. You follow whatever dreams you want, it's your life not hers.

WildfirePonie · 02/04/2025 11:10

You are not boring! I dream of this lifestyle once my kids have grown up.

Original poster
WindyWendyHouse · 02/04/2025 11:10

PoppyBaxter · 02/04/2025 10:34

Is your friend 17?!!

Your aspirations for life sound utterly normal and age appropriate.

I'm 40, DH is 43. We moved to our little market town in our mid 30s and, like you, enjoying pottering, walking the dog, going away to a bnb for the weekend, hiking, going out for lunch or dinner once a week.

We have a big holiday once a year somewhere interesting/cultural. We're past wanting to bake on a beach for a week.

I'd rather DIE than have a proper 'night out'. 2 drinks and home by 10pm, yes. Any more than that and I'm washing my hair that night. I've had hundreds of wild nights out and never want one again - I like to make the most of my weekends and would be gutted to have a hangover.

Ignore your friend OP and be confident in your own choices.

Lol, my DD is 17 and thinks my friend is great as she lives everything she does, even down to her house and it's decor.

Your life sounds perfect to me.

OP posts:
crazzynut · 02/04/2025 11:10

I love peace and quiet.

DuskyPink1984 · 02/04/2025 11:11

What you describe OP to me is the dream.

RareAuldTimes · 02/04/2025 11:11

I think it sounds like your friend has some deep seated issues she is avoiding facing up to if she is always on the go and can’t be by herself or even with her DH but has to be surrounded by lots of people all the time.

KTMeetsTheRsUptown · 02/04/2025 11:12

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 02/04/2025 09:28

What you've described sounds lovely to me, OP, but even if I wasn't of the same mind it wouldn't make you dull. I think maybe back yourself a bit? You like what you like!

I agree with this post. Your day out in countryside sounds perfect. What a cf saying you're boring 🙄... although I also love a night out with loud music in busy pub 😅

Original poster
WindyWendyHouse · 02/04/2025 11:14

BassesAreBest · 02/04/2025 10:39

Everyone’s life goals are so personal to them - why does it matter if she thinks they are boring? You don’t, and you say you wouldn’t want her life, so I’m not seeing the problem here?

But please don’t make generalisations about

“I totally understand that is her thing but as someone who is neurodiverse that is my idea of hell”

ND people all have different life goals as well. We don’t all crave peace and quiet.

That was to give others an understanding of my personality type and that as someone with neurodiverse struggles I find loud and busy environments overwhelming.

I appreciate that not everyone who is ND is like this but many, including myself finding certain environments challenging.

OP posts:
Fargo79 · 02/04/2025 11:14

Well I think it sounds absolutely blissful.

I am also ND and I wonder if you have the same extreme emotional sensitivity that a lot of ND people experience? For me one of the ways it manifests is a horrible feeling of being judged by people, not measuring up to other people, not being good enough etc. So a friend questioning something as significant to me as my entire life goal (!) and calling me boring would probably send me into a total spiral.

I think you probably need to spend less time with shitty friends and keep reminding yourself that your goals are personal to you/your husband and all your dreams for yourselves are absolutely valid.

DaisyChain505 · 02/04/2025 11:15

Different courses for different horses.

The beauty of human beings is that we are all different, have different likes/dislikes and preferences.

You do you.

Swipe left for the next trending thread