This is my life goal but my friend says it's boring.

[WindyWendyHouse]

I know we are all different and all have different ambitions and goals in life but I just wondered what others thought. Is my friend right, am I boring?

For context, my life has been quite stressful for the last few years. I am 52 and have raised my dc for the last 20 years. I have some chronic health issues so have only worked part time for a long time and have always had a job, not a career but I have made my peace with that and that's fine. Tbh, my priority has been to get my health back on track and feeling well.

I currently help to care for my mum who has Alzheimers and have been doing this for the last 5 years. For 6 years my ds (now 19) had school anxiety every day and that in itself was very emotional, he is doing well now thankfully. This has all been draining - emotionally and physically.

I have ADHD (and probably ASD too) and I have always loved peace and quiet. The lovely village I grew up and still live in has been heavily built on in recent years and is now very busy, I live on the main road of the village and it is so noisy now. I don not enjoy living here now.

I have always craved peace and quiet. I love nature and the countryside. My ideal day would be a walk in the countryside with my dh and dog, a mooch around a nice garden centre and enjoy a lovely lunch in the cafe there and an afternoon in my country garden (when I eventually move to the countryside) with a good book and then a nice film in the evening.

My dh and I plan on moving deeper into the countryside or maybe a small market /seaside town to spend the rest of out days there. We like to travel but atm are happy in our touring caravan exploring the UK, we do plan to take it over to Europe when dh retires.

However, my best friend of 45 years thinks this is boring. She is lovely and I love her dearly but we are very different. I appreciate we are all different but she seems to think my life goals are dull. She has a lot of money and travels alot. She is very sociable and is either at a party, down the pub or out for a meal every weekend. She loves hot sunny holidays where she will sunbathe all day and then socialise all evening. She and her dh are always off to concerts and places full of people. I totally understand that is her thing but as someone who is neurodiverse that is my idea of hell, I just crave peace and I wish she could see that. I truly love that she enjoys her lifestyle but I love mine too, she is always on at me to book a holiday abroad but I (or DH) don't want to sit on a beach all day. When we do eventually have the money to travel abroad we want to go to interesting places, I want to go to places with history and culture but she finds that boring.

We are all who we are and I accept that she enjoys a fun packed life but that just isn't me. Am I really that boring?

You're saying boring like it's a bad thing! Being boring is very very underrated. I'm boring and I love it. Your idea of life sounds like bliss.

😂 op, sorry! Will report so it's removed. My moodiness was justified on the other thread lol

Sounds like paradise to me.
Your friend is very rude, by the way!

We are all different OP - it’s not a right or wrong situation- personally I like a bit of both- I actually took my son to Benidorm for his 18th and we had a fabulous fun time, my H ( who is a bit of a holiday snob) was horrified and didn’t come- but hey ho we enjoyed it more without someone having a face like a sucked lemon. Now I personally draw the line at caravans apart from maybe statics in the med- but you like it- so that’s all that matters.

I used to be like your friend…..I am now 100% like you…. Enjoy your plans and don’t let her view of it as boring detract from the lovely future ahead of you xx

Your friend sounds tedious, exhausting and needy. You sound content, calm and independent. I want your life goals too. I'm 40.

My parents have the sort of life you describe as your goal. Their days are spent going for a walk into the village to get the paper, then hours spent reading it in the garden sipping a cup of coffee, a bit of tennis in the afternoon (my dad), little chat with the neighbours (my mum), and pottering around their house and garden.
Their life is blissful. Even my kids envy it!
You need to be more confident in yourself and your choices. We all like and want different things in life, who cares what others want!

Some people have the good fortune to be in a position to consider an uneventful even-keeled life dull. Others arrive at dullness after years of too much going on and savour every minute of it!

Who cares? Even if it is boring, so what? Do what makes you happy.

I’m 45 and would live the life you just described tomorrow if I was in the position to do so.

Sounds great to me and your friend is rude! Everyone's entitled to enjoy themselves in their own way

I suspect she underestimates the exhaustion of caring for elderly ill parents and children with mental health issues. I'm in a similar situation, slightly reversed in that my elderly relative has now passed away (Parkinson's rather than Alzheimer's) but DD16 is still quite unwell and out of school, but I'm immensely looking forward to a time when I have less responsibility and can relax a bit, and my plans would be quite like yours.

I'm glad she's living her best life but she must be as thick as mince not to understand that people want different things from life.

Horses for courses OP.

I know exactly where you’re coming from, OP.

I’m early 40s and so many of our financial decisions have been about hoping to achieve early retirement to live the life you’ve described. I’d like to retire by 50. We live in the countryside and I spend my spare time baking, gardening, reading, and walking my dogs. It’s bliss.

I spent years living in a very busy city, and I’ve gone through some really stressful times so the idea of a very quiet life really appeals. I’ve travelled and “lived” loads so don’t feel I’ll be missing out.

Neurodiversity isn’t a personality type, though.

And not everyone who is ND struggles with loud, busy environments. I personally do, but also know a lot of ND people who actively seek out such environments.

It just frustrates me when there is this constant conflation of ND and traits of introversion / wanting the quiet life.

As you should say to your friend, wouldn’t life be boring if we all liked the same things?

Only boring people think others are boring 🙃

There's nothing more boring than a person who passes judgement on others and thinks that their way is the only way!

Your plan sounds like bliss to me.

wrong thread?

Being surrounded by nature with no responsibility, able to do as you please, refresh your mind and body, tour the most beautiful areas of the UK as the fancy takes you, you'll be living the dream OP. I mean it's not like if you have all that you'll be barred from theatres, concerts and social events and have your passport confiscated in lieu, is it? All the things your friend enjoys are yours for the taking if you want them. If you don't, that's OK. It sounds like your plans will be perfect for your wellbeing OP, and well deserved after your challenges.

Sitting on a beach all day in the baking sun, is my idea of hell. When did learning about the history and culture of a place become boring?

I think your plan sounds lovely and it's something I would like too if I could manage it.
I have an outgoing friend as well. I enjoy her company when I see her. She has a big circle of friends and is constantly on the go. We're all different!

Same! well, nearly. I don't think i'd have the confidence to drive in Europe but I'd love to just pootle around the UK to be honest. I'm likely to have to sell my house in a few years (Ex-DH still part owns it and financial agreement is that he gets his share by a certain date) so i keep daydreaming that this is when I can actually do it. I could easily afford a nice van. I'm 57 now, I have had medical issues that have made my life difficult at times, and I'm quite introverted-I like socialising sometimes but having a 'busy social life' would be hell.

I don't know why the OPs friend has to voice her opinion that it's boring. It doesn't affect HER life at all, so why the need to belittle the plans of a supposed friend?

Your goals sound wonderful. I have a Very Busy friend who has to be doing something every day after work, all weekend etc. She's an extrovert. My calm peaceful life looks hellish and boring to her but hers seems that way to me! Luckily we are friends despite those differences, she's a great friend.

She and her dh are always off to concerts and places full of people. I totally understand that is her thing but as someone who is neurodiverse that is my idea of hell

My partner is neurodiverse and has spent more time abroad than me and goes to packed theatres and opera houses more than once a month with people everywhere.

The neurodiversity is a red herring as it is a spectrum and doesn't automatically mean no one who is Nd can tolerate concerts.

The question is why do you care if she thinks you're boring. Its nothing to do with ND you just like different things.

I think you are craving peace and quiet because of the stress you are under. It is what you want and it will be great, but I wouldn't bet that you won't introduce a few more exciting things into your life once you've had a good dose of peace and quiet. And if not great.

I'm in peace and quiet mode currently!

Sounds perfectly lovely to me. I feel life has been quite a struggle so far, for many reasons, and I think that’s why I just crave peace and simple pleasures, which to others may be ‘boring’.

I have always craved peace and quiet, that's just my make up. I used to take part in all the full on holidays. concerts, out every weekend inn London in my teens and 20's as I thought that is what brings joy but I soon realised that it doesn't do that for me. So it is a case of been there and done that and not for me.