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Original poster

This is my life goal but my friend says it's boring.

186 replies

WindyWendyHouse · 02/04/2025 09:26

I know we are all different and all have different ambitions and goals in life but I just wondered what others thought. Is my friend right, am I boring?

For context, my life has been quite stressful for the last few years. I am 52 and have raised my dc for the last 20 years. I have some chronic health issues so have only worked part time for a long time and have always had a job, not a career but I have made my peace with that and that's fine. Tbh, my priority has been to get my health back on track and feeling well.

I currently help to care for my mum who has Alzheimers and have been doing this for the last 5 years. For 6 years my ds (now 19) had school anxiety every day and that in itself was very emotional, he is doing well now thankfully. This has all been draining - emotionally and physically.

I have ADHD (and probably ASD too) and I have always loved peace and quiet. The lovely village I grew up and still live in has been heavily built on in recent years and is now very busy, I live on the main road of the village and it is so noisy now. I don not enjoy living here now.

I have always craved peace and quiet. I love nature and the countryside. My ideal day would be a walk in the countryside with my dh and dog, a mooch around a nice garden centre and enjoy a lovely lunch in the cafe there and an afternoon in my country garden (when I eventually move to the countryside) with a good book and then a nice film in the evening.

My dh and I plan on moving deeper into the countryside or maybe a small market /seaside town to spend the rest of out days there. We like to travel but atm are happy in our touring caravan exploring the UK, we do plan to take it over to Europe when dh retires.

However, my best friend of 45 years thinks this is boring. She is lovely and I love her dearly but we are very different. I appreciate we are all different but she seems to think my life goals are dull. She has a lot of money and travels alot. She is very sociable and is either at a party, down the pub or out for a meal every weekend. She loves hot sunny holidays where she will sunbathe all day and then socialise all evening. She and her dh are always off to concerts and places full of people. I totally understand that is her thing but as someone who is neurodiverse that is my idea of hell, I just crave peace and I wish she could see that. I truly love that she enjoys her lifestyle but I love mine too, she is always on at me to book a holiday abroad but I (or DH) don't want to sit on a beach all day. When we do eventually have the money to travel abroad we want to go to interesting places, I want to go to places with history and culture but she finds that boring.

We are all who we are and I accept that she enjoys a fun packed life but that just isn't me. Am I really that boring?

OP posts:
faerietales · 02/04/2025 10:17

Fun is doing what makes you happy IMO - why does it matter what anyone else thinks?

Sonolanona · 02/04/2025 10:18

Your goals sound like mine !
I'm 57, still working a couple of days a week and also caring for grandchildren a couple of days a week, plus my DS2 who has autism, and keeping an eye on my Mum.
My escape is my allotment, and all I want is peace and quiet when I'm not caring for someone, and to walk my dog in the sunshine, maybe read or crochet, and slowly I'm learning piano. My social battery runs out quickly and I don't need excitement, or exotic holidays; just to see my children, and grandchildren and grow things. DH has his hobbies, I have mine and we are content.

I have a couple of friends who are 'living life to the max' and I am happy for them, but it's not for me, and that's ok!

Original poster
WindyWendyHouse · 02/04/2025 10:22

Dozycuntlaters · 02/04/2025 10:01

God no, you are not boring at all. Personally I find people who want to rave it up, and get pissed all the time boring.

I am 54, and single and my goal is to get a converted van, and bugger off round the UK and Europe with my dog. It is my absolute dream and sounds like complete heaven.

That's a wonderful dream. We would love to do that too. I follow several women on IG who have done just that, it looks like such fun.

OP posts:
EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 02/04/2025 10:23

Sounds lovely to me OP. Contentment and peace is under rated. I'm a single mum and probably looking at a long time if ever before all my autistic kids are ready to go out into the world without me, peace and quite and an empty house with no specific calls on my time would be bliss.

Loloblue · 02/04/2025 10:24

WindyWendyHouse · 02/04/2025 09:26

I know we are all different and all have different ambitions and goals in life but I just wondered what others thought. Is my friend right, am I boring?

For context, my life has been quite stressful for the last few years. I am 52 and have raised my dc for the last 20 years. I have some chronic health issues so have only worked part time for a long time and have always had a job, not a career but I have made my peace with that and that's fine. Tbh, my priority has been to get my health back on track and feeling well.

I currently help to care for my mum who has Alzheimers and have been doing this for the last 5 years. For 6 years my ds (now 19) had school anxiety every day and that in itself was very emotional, he is doing well now thankfully. This has all been draining - emotionally and physically.

I have ADHD (and probably ASD too) and I have always loved peace and quiet. The lovely village I grew up and still live in has been heavily built on in recent years and is now very busy, I live on the main road of the village and it is so noisy now. I don not enjoy living here now.

I have always craved peace and quiet. I love nature and the countryside. My ideal day would be a walk in the countryside with my dh and dog, a mooch around a nice garden centre and enjoy a lovely lunch in the cafe there and an afternoon in my country garden (when I eventually move to the countryside) with a good book and then a nice film in the evening.

My dh and I plan on moving deeper into the countryside or maybe a small market /seaside town to spend the rest of out days there. We like to travel but atm are happy in our touring caravan exploring the UK, we do plan to take it over to Europe when dh retires.

However, my best friend of 45 years thinks this is boring. She is lovely and I love her dearly but we are very different. I appreciate we are all different but she seems to think my life goals are dull. She has a lot of money and travels alot. She is very sociable and is either at a party, down the pub or out for a meal every weekend. She loves hot sunny holidays where she will sunbathe all day and then socialise all evening. She and her dh are always off to concerts and places full of people. I totally understand that is her thing but as someone who is neurodiverse that is my idea of hell, I just crave peace and I wish she could see that. I truly love that she enjoys her lifestyle but I love mine too, she is always on at me to book a holiday abroad but I (or DH) don't want to sit on a beach all day. When we do eventually have the money to travel abroad we want to go to interesting places, I want to go to places with history and culture but she finds that boring.

We are all who we are and I accept that she enjoys a fun packed life but that just isn't me. Am I really that boring?

I'm 40 and this sounds amazing 😆

blackpear · 02/04/2025 10:24

I would hate your friend’s life and I don’t think she does more than you; she just does it noisily in a hot country. Gardening, reading and watching films sounds pretty perfect.

Original poster
WindyWendyHouse · 02/04/2025 10:26

MeganM3 · 02/04/2025 10:04

It does sound a little boring to me. But it’s perfect for you… that is what matters. Everyone has different tastes.
I want to live my golden years out in central London or Paris and take lots of exotic holidays. Perhaps your idea of a horrible time.

Peace and tranquility are probably most people’s preference.

In another life I'd have probably thrived as a single Parisian living like Emily in Paris but not this life. That would be too much for me. But who knows next time?.......

OP posts:
curious79 · 02/04/2025 10:26

Your idea of fun could be scraping chewing gum off pavements. But if it’s what you want to do then so be it.

maybe your friend isn’t as happy as she thinks she is with her choices?

what’s important is what you want to do with your time. If a gentle village life that allows you to breathe in fresh air, quietly appreciate tiny songbirds, enjoy the seasons etc etc is what you want then do it.

You do you. No one else matters

GarlicSmile · 02/04/2025 10:27

It's quite boring to assume that everybody feels the same about life and wants the same things from it.

SmallFiresBurning · 02/04/2025 10:29

Not boring at all. It’s not that your friend’s life is more ‘fun packed’, it’s that you have different ideas of what is ‘fun’. And that’s ok 🤷‍♀️

Wherewhatnow · 02/04/2025 10:30

Peace and quiet and countryside walks excite me, and big social events can be boring depending on the people. So your plan is exciting in my opinion, and the planning and organising of it even more so.

CaramelVanilla · 02/04/2025 10:31

Why does it matter about what she thinks about your life goal?

LBFseBrom · 02/04/2025 10:31

No you are not boring at all, what you describe is what I like. I don't seek company and busyness. I had a lot of that when I was at work, enjoyed much of it, especially concerts, but now I don't care, am content at home.

Why are you worried about what your friend prefers? She does her thing, you do yours. Everybody is different.

NotMyRealAccount · 02/04/2025 10:31

Your dream sounds quite idyllic to me. The ability to be content without needing constant external stimulation is something to treasure, because it means you'll probably never be bored.

JoeySchoolOfActing · 02/04/2025 10:34

Pretty mean of your friend to express those thoughts to you.
You've been though/are going through a lot and it seems pretty unkind of her to tell you what she thinks of your plans.

That would be a bit of a deal breaker for me, a friend who can't understand that we all like/want different things and that is ok.

PoppyBaxter · 02/04/2025 10:34

Is your friend 17?!!

Your aspirations for life sound utterly normal and age appropriate.

I'm 40, DH is 43. We moved to our little market town in our mid 30s and, like you, enjoying pottering, walking the dog, going away to a bnb for the weekend, hiking, going out for lunch or dinner once a week.

We have a big holiday once a year somewhere interesting/cultural. We're past wanting to bake on a beach for a week.

I'd rather DIE than have a proper 'night out'. 2 drinks and home by 10pm, yes. Any more than that and I'm washing my hair that night. I've had hundreds of wild nights out and never want one again - I like to make the most of my weekends and would be gutted to have a hangover.

Ignore your friend OP and be confident in your own choices.

brombatz · 02/04/2025 10:36

I'm a potterer...it's lovely...space to care for people and time to meander through my brain and half-do lots of different things.

I do have adhd and lots of time with people over thinking the interactions is remarkably tiring.

BassesAreBest · 02/04/2025 10:39

Everyone’s life goals are so personal to them - why does it matter if she thinks they are boring? You don’t, and you say you wouldn’t want her life, so I’m not seeing the problem here?

But please don’t make generalisations about

“I totally understand that is her thing but as someone who is neurodiverse that is my idea of hell”

ND people all have different life goals as well. We don’t all crave peace and quiet.

Sugargliderwombat · 02/04/2025 10:40

Sounds like she's chasing a high and you're chasing peace - nothing wrong with either 😊

NautilusLionfish · 02/04/2025 10:41

WindyWendyHouse · 02/04/2025 09:26

I know we are all different and all have different ambitions and goals in life but I just wondered what others thought. Is my friend right, am I boring?

For context, my life has been quite stressful for the last few years. I am 52 and have raised my dc for the last 20 years. I have some chronic health issues so have only worked part time for a long time and have always had a job, not a career but I have made my peace with that and that's fine. Tbh, my priority has been to get my health back on track and feeling well.

I currently help to care for my mum who has Alzheimers and have been doing this for the last 5 years. For 6 years my ds (now 19) had school anxiety every day and that in itself was very emotional, he is doing well now thankfully. This has all been draining - emotionally and physically.

I have ADHD (and probably ASD too) and I have always loved peace and quiet. The lovely village I grew up and still live in has been heavily built on in recent years and is now very busy, I live on the main road of the village and it is so noisy now. I don not enjoy living here now.

I have always craved peace and quiet. I love nature and the countryside. My ideal day would be a walk in the countryside with my dh and dog, a mooch around a nice garden centre and enjoy a lovely lunch in the cafe there and an afternoon in my country garden (when I eventually move to the countryside) with a good book and then a nice film in the evening.

My dh and I plan on moving deeper into the countryside or maybe a small market /seaside town to spend the rest of out days there. We like to travel but atm are happy in our touring caravan exploring the UK, we do plan to take it over to Europe when dh retires.

However, my best friend of 45 years thinks this is boring. She is lovely and I love her dearly but we are very different. I appreciate we are all different but she seems to think my life goals are dull. She has a lot of money and travels alot. She is very sociable and is either at a party, down the pub or out for a meal every weekend. She loves hot sunny holidays where she will sunbathe all day and then socialise all evening. She and her dh are always off to concerts and places full of people. I totally understand that is her thing but as someone who is neurodiverse that is my idea of hell, I just crave peace and I wish she could see that. I truly love that she enjoys her lifestyle but I love mine too, she is always on at me to book a holiday abroad but I (or DH) don't want to sit on a beach all day. When we do eventually have the money to travel abroad we want to go to interesting places, I want to go to places with history and culture but she finds that boring.

We are all who we are and I accept that she enjoys a fun packed life but that just isn't me. Am I really that boring?

It doesnt matter what she thinks or what her idea of fun is. It matters what nourishes you and makes you happy. Peace in this hectic go go go world is precious and quiet moments can be very underrated. You do you

Bryonyberries · 02/04/2025 10:44

The important thing for all of us is to take the path that makes most sense and meaning to us, as individuals. That is much easier said than done too!

I think once we reach the end of our child rearing days we are able to start focusing on our own goals and preferences again. I’m at that point. Single mum to four who has had to focus on the needs of the family for decades. Now three are adults and the last doing GCSEs this year. I can finally look to my own future and my own wants and needs. A gentle life with less pressure sounds blissful but I’m also hoping to do some travel too and maybe some education.

Bringbackspring · 02/04/2025 10:44

I think it sounds lovely, and pretty much what I'd like for my life. We have moved to a smaller city and live a relatively quiet existence. Just do you and don't worry what anyone else thinks. She could even be a bit jealous that you are able to live a full and happy life without being dependant on filling it with loads of things and people.

Hecatoncheires · 02/04/2025 10:44

OP, your life dream sounds wonderful. Please don't let your friend make you feel bad about it. Previous posters have mentioned that deaths can make people take stock. I'd agree with this, as the losses of my parents in recent years have made me appreciate what is important in my life, ie, harmony with family, fun with my DD, good books, time to slow down and think. It's a very personal thing. I'm hoping to retire soon with my DH and dog and we would very much enjoy your dream - it sounds similar to the lifestyle that we want for ourselves! You are not boring at all.

Kaisawheel · 02/04/2025 10:45

OP, I’m 32 and your goal sounds ideal to me- I’d say my goals are similar. Who cares what your friend thinks? She must be boring if she feels the need to negatively comment on your goals….

BunnyLake · 02/04/2025 10:45

Sounds perfect to me.

She is free to live hers as excitingly as she wants and you are free to live yours as peacefully as you want, your choices are none of her concern,