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Original poster

This is my life goal but my friend says it's boring.

186 replies

WindyWendyHouse · 02/04/2025 09:26

I know we are all different and all have different ambitions and goals in life but I just wondered what others thought. Is my friend right, am I boring?

For context, my life has been quite stressful for the last few years. I am 52 and have raised my dc for the last 20 years. I have some chronic health issues so have only worked part time for a long time and have always had a job, not a career but I have made my peace with that and that's fine. Tbh, my priority has been to get my health back on track and feeling well.

I currently help to care for my mum who has Alzheimers and have been doing this for the last 5 years. For 6 years my ds (now 19) had school anxiety every day and that in itself was very emotional, he is doing well now thankfully. This has all been draining - emotionally and physically.

I have ADHD (and probably ASD too) and I have always loved peace and quiet. The lovely village I grew up and still live in has been heavily built on in recent years and is now very busy, I live on the main road of the village and it is so noisy now. I don not enjoy living here now.

I have always craved peace and quiet. I love nature and the countryside. My ideal day would be a walk in the countryside with my dh and dog, a mooch around a nice garden centre and enjoy a lovely lunch in the cafe there and an afternoon in my country garden (when I eventually move to the countryside) with a good book and then a nice film in the evening.

My dh and I plan on moving deeper into the countryside or maybe a small market /seaside town to spend the rest of out days there. We like to travel but atm are happy in our touring caravan exploring the UK, we do plan to take it over to Europe when dh retires.

However, my best friend of 45 years thinks this is boring. She is lovely and I love her dearly but we are very different. I appreciate we are all different but she seems to think my life goals are dull. She has a lot of money and travels alot. She is very sociable and is either at a party, down the pub or out for a meal every weekend. She loves hot sunny holidays where she will sunbathe all day and then socialise all evening. She and her dh are always off to concerts and places full of people. I totally understand that is her thing but as someone who is neurodiverse that is my idea of hell, I just crave peace and I wish she could see that. I truly love that she enjoys her lifestyle but I love mine too, she is always on at me to book a holiday abroad but I (or DH) don't want to sit on a beach all day. When we do eventually have the money to travel abroad we want to go to interesting places, I want to go to places with history and culture but she finds that boring.

We are all who we are and I accept that she enjoys a fun packed life but that just isn't me. Am I really that boring?

OP posts:
ExquisiteSocialSkills · 03/04/2025 18:53

It’s YOUR life. What would be the point of doing what someone else wants to do?

Yoonimum · 03/04/2025 18:55

Your life could be mine with a few tweaks. People who are fit and well have no idea of the needs of people with disabilities and long term health conditions. Your friend sounds tactless. It's one thing to say she would be bored but quite another to suggest that you or even, simply your choices, are boring. How dare she!

kerstina · 03/04/2025 19:21

Not boring to me at all OP ! I agree with all you said except the lunches out as I don’t really enjoy that it is more of an ordeal. I live in a city and my ambition is to move from the city ( all be it a nice bubble of the city ) to a small seaside town ( which is actually more like a village) in Pembrokeshire. That is my dream and would make me very happy. I also looked after my mum with dementia. I am not interested in going out or fancy holidays abroad just walks on the coast and in nature and pottering about with my dog.

onedogatoddlerandababy · 03/04/2025 19:21

Sounds like the dream to me!

the best you can be in life is content. What makes each of us content varies wildly.

if you and your husband have the same goal, I say great, go and do it as soon as you can.

your friend is pretty rude if she outright said that’s boring, but I’m guessing her dreams would also be the stuff of your nightmares 😂

Waitingfordoggo · 03/04/2025 19:27

Folks like different things. I am much more like you than your friend and her holidays and social events are not my idea of fun at all. I like a quiet life, nature and wandering, and spending time with dogs. That is basically my retirement plan.

It’s fine that you like different things, and it doesn’t preclude you from being friends with each other, but she really needs to stop saying you are boring and trying to encourage you to change. Would she respond to a proper serious chat about that? You could tell her that your personality is not going to change, that you like what you like and that you are respectfully asking her to stop trying to change you.

Ruffpuff · 03/04/2025 19:30

@WindyWendyHouse You’re not boring op. Life is stressful and the plan/goal you’ve described sounds like a lovely, peaceful and contented way to live (I’m 27 by the way).

People have different standards of what’s enjoyable and that’s perfectly fine. It’s a bit rude of her to say it’s boring, but I suppose some people are just a bit forthright.

Mrsgreen100 · 03/04/2025 19:40

Oh that sounds like your friend has other stuff
going on , she probably on some level has a “must be busy thing going on”
your life and goals sound, totally normal
different strokes for different folks
that’s what makes life interesting.
do your thing , be proud you know what you like and need .
not boring, just what you’re wanting,
don’t over invest in others statements opinions
go Op you do you

StarkleLittleTwink · 03/04/2025 19:44

I’d much rather have your lifestyle full of peace and contentment which sounds absolutely lovely, rather than the frenetic and hedonistic life your friend has. It actually sounds to me as if your friend has the problem and is constantly searching for what you have found. Enjoy your future and be very happy.

Miffsmum · 03/04/2025 19:52

Your life goal sounds heavenly to me. I would love a country estate I could hike around with the dogs and keep the rest of the world at arms length.
You are very lucky to be in a relationship where you both seem to want the same thing so be smug in your achievable dream life.
You have both earned it.

Beautifulweeds · 03/04/2025 20:04

Sounds perfect 👌 Any BF would be happy for you and not judge. She may be a bit jealous

lilkitten · 03/04/2025 20:12

That's awful of her, it's not for her to comment really and make you feel bad. It's your goal, not hers. My goal is to work full-time (I'm a carer and can only work part-time, often having to cancel work at short notice when the caring situation goes awry) whereas a lot of my friends don't understand and would like to plan to retire early. I'd just really like a career for myself.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 03/04/2025 20:25

It's my goal too.

I would find endless planes and bars and restaurants boring because it doesn't interest me. Actually probably more stressful than boring cos they aren't places I want to be.

The world would be a very boring place if we all liked the same thing. Don't let her get in your head.

MillieMinx · 03/04/2025 20:55

@WindyWendyHouse You are far from boring! It was rude of your friend to say that too. We share the same dream only now I am finally living it and loving it. I’ve never felt so content and true to being myself, I’m much healthier too. I also have health issues and my girls used to have crippling anxiety. Do what makes your heart happy and deflect any unsupportive opinions back to whoever makes them 😉

ThisPinkBee · 03/04/2025 20:59

Yes I think death does that. Grabbing life by the horns and all that. A relative of mine had a heart attack and my response (once knew they were ok) was to beat the crap out of going to the gym!

Dogsbreath7 · 03/04/2025 21:33

Team ‘you’ here.

I think this country is underrated- huge geographical diversity in relatively short distances. I only go abroad for two reasons- skiing and winter sun to cheer me up. All short haul.

You have had a fulfilling life and don’t resent the caring responsibilities. You don’t need to use ND as an exscuse for wanting a peaceful life- many of us do. Costs nowt to go for a walk.

A true friend wouldn’t be judgemental.

ohnowwhatcanitbe · 04/04/2025 00:07

A lifestyle like your friend's would take me screaming to the bottle. I shudder at the very thought. Your ideal lifestyle however? I'd like that very much.

Joystir59 · 04/04/2025 04:52

I'm neurotyoical and think your way of life is perfect.

LilacPony · 04/04/2025 04:57

Your version sounds perfect!

BCBird · 04/04/2025 05:30

Accept you aee different and have had different life experiences. The fact she would find it boring is irrelevant. She won't be wanting to gate-crash. Fwiw if it was one of my friend's I would be trying to tag along.

BlueFlowers5 · 04/04/2025 06:28

That's the very lifestyle I plan for OP and it's not boring at all.
My idea of a lovely is lunch at a nearby garden centre. Sitting in my deckchair reading a book in the sunshine, in my garden. A quiet solid calm life.

Shinyandnew1 · 04/04/2025 08:29

Your ideal day sounds lovely-I'd also be happy with a holiday in the sun. I'm quite happy most places really as long as I can park easily and get to sit down!

Telling someone else their place s are boring or badgering them to go abroad is not ok.

RosesAndHellebores · 04/04/2025 08:33

@op sounds great to me, although I'd need a little social stimulation, buy that's the extrovert in me.

One if the best bits of advice I've been given was "only boring people get bored".

Enjoy your solitude, nature and its beauty.

Poopants1000 · 04/04/2025 11:48

You've just described a beautiful lifestyle and it's a bit blind sighted of your friend to say it's dull. It may be dull to her but you weren't suggesting her life goal, you were talking about your own. I hope you get there and it's a peaceful as it sounds 💐

windycottage · 04/04/2025 11:50

Sounds perfect to me! ❤️

pollymere · 04/04/2025 13:33

Meh. I've had people not understand why I wanted to move out of London. I probably go to the same number of events as I did when we lived there.

I suspect your friend feels that moving to the seaside or country is basically moving yourself to a giant retirement village. It's a really narrow-minded viewpoint.

My only proviso would be that you ensure you're within reasonable distance of a decent hospital in case of emergencies but otherwise it sounds completely lovely!