This is my life goal but my friend says it's boring.

[WindyWendyHouse]

I know we are all different and all have different ambitions and goals in life but I just wondered what others thought. Is my friend right, am I boring?

For context, my life has been quite stressful for the last few years. I am 52 and have raised my dc for the last 20 years. I have some chronic health issues so have only worked part time for a long time and have always had a job, not a career but I have made my peace with that and that's fine. Tbh, my priority has been to get my health back on track and feeling well.

I currently help to care for my mum who has Alzheimers and have been doing this for the last 5 years. For 6 years my ds (now 19) had school anxiety every day and that in itself was very emotional, he is doing well now thankfully. This has all been draining - emotionally and physically.

I have ADHD (and probably ASD too) and I have always loved peace and quiet. The lovely village I grew up and still live in has been heavily built on in recent years and is now very busy, I live on the main road of the village and it is so noisy now. I don not enjoy living here now.

I have always craved peace and quiet. I love nature and the countryside. My ideal day would be a walk in the countryside with my dh and dog, a mooch around a nice garden centre and enjoy a lovely lunch in the cafe there and an afternoon in my country garden (when I eventually move to the countryside) with a good book and then a nice film in the evening.

My dh and I plan on moving deeper into the countryside or maybe a small market /seaside town to spend the rest of out days there. We like to travel but atm are happy in our touring caravan exploring the UK, we do plan to take it over to Europe when dh retires.

However, my best friend of 45 years thinks this is boring. She is lovely and I love her dearly but we are very different. I appreciate we are all different but she seems to think my life goals are dull. She has a lot of money and travels alot. She is very sociable and is either at a party, down the pub or out for a meal every weekend. She loves hot sunny holidays where she will sunbathe all day and then socialise all evening. She and her dh are always off to concerts and places full of people. I totally understand that is her thing but as someone who is neurodiverse that is my idea of hell, I just crave peace and I wish she could see that. I truly love that she enjoys her lifestyle but I love mine too, she is always on at me to book a holiday abroad but I (or DH) don't want to sit on a beach all day. When we do eventually have the money to travel abroad we want to go to interesting places, I want to go to places with history and culture but she finds that boring.

We are all who we are and I accept that she enjoys a fun packed life but that just isn't me. Am I really that boring?

That is not boring
partly because it’s doing what you want and you are not bored by it so of course it’s not boring

also it is not wasting your life - because you have tried different things and know what you like and want to experience

there is so much nature and culture all around us to be experienced every day of you live in the right place.

You’re not boring at all. I’d rather have your dream, than her life

We love that one v show too. DH grew up.on farms and is a real country lover.

I have friends of similar standing OP and we laugh about how different we are in so many ways - and yet still love each other and enjoy each others company. Criticism seems odd / off

I agree and would find her comment quite rude and dismissive. I am a quiet life person too. We are all different. I wonder though if, in your friends case, she is a bit jealous of your being able to be satisfied with a quiet life and she doesn't find her a;ways on the go life as wondeful and satisfying as she pretends?

I have a very dear friend who sounds similar to yours. Your life is similar to mine actually although I am older. I cared for my DM and my DC until they all left home and DM went into a nursing home and died last summer. DH and I have what is almost a perfect life. Over 40 years of marriage and we still feel we're on honeymoon. I have a friend who is concerned by our lack of ambition whereas I feel she is overlooking the deep sense of contentment that we have in our relationship and our life. Why fight for something that we don't need because we are enjoying what we have.

I’m 38 and my dream day is the same as yours. I would also love to move to the country and live a quiet and peaceful life. Only difference is, I also like to relax on the beach on holiday too 🥰

Different strokes for different folks. I’m mid 40s and your ideal day sounds a lot like how I spend my days now, though I still have small children in tow. We live in the countryside. Beautiful house with mature gardens. I love the garden centre. We’re at the beach regularly for a swim or up on the moors for a long walk.

We do go to the cinema, and I do love to travel, but I couldn’t tell you the last time I had a ‘night out’. Absolutely no desire. Bored me to tears. I do like a nice meal out, but avoid “the pub” and socialising as much as I can. I’d rather see my proper friends than chat with randoms who are slurring. 😂

I have a lovely life and I’m very grateful for it. My personal experience has been that people, especially into middle age and beyond, who are still out out and making a big deal of how much FUN they are having in their fun, exciting lives, actually are quite sad and struggling deep down. They also tend to be quite insecure, which is why they need to convince everyone else that this is the only way to have FUN (woo hoo! shots all around!) and everyone else should be doing what they’re doing, and chastise anyone who doesn’t. If you’re truly happy with your life, you’re out living it, not telling everyone else how to live theirs. I imagine she’s maybe a little unhappy and unsure about her life, despite all the posturing.

WindyWendyHouse Are you me? I have had a similar life to you.Mum had Alzheimers ,My DD was home educated due to bullying ,My other DD was very intelligent and had every hobby going( which I had to take her to!) the energy 10 people and a lively Labrador to boot! Mum passed away ,DD still at home with us and DD2 went to Uni ( now bought own house with BF).Absolutely exhausted. Mentally and physically Also had Sepsis when this all happened .Recently Cancer as well.Hopefully treated .Just want to go out for days and shopping ,not drive too far .I think our sort of lives just wear us out!

It doesn’t matter what your friend or Mumsnet think. It matters what you think. If you are happy with your life goals then they are not dull or boring.

I live the life you want @WindyWendyHouse and it's fabulous. I'm close enough to a train station (well a half hour car journey) to get to a big city if I want to hit a gallery or museum, but I love my life pottering around, walking the dogs, reading, doing hobbies.

I had a very busy, full on, job pre retirement. I travelled to lots of places in the world and now I just want to enjoy the birdsong.

My DSis is like your friend - I would hate her life!

You are not boring. Everyone is different. Your friend is an arse if she cannot see that.

Another one asking you why you care. You don't need her or us to validate your choices. I'm retiring v early next year and we're moving to the countryside also.

Just because your friend thinks that your dream life sounds boring, doesn't mean that she thinks YOU are boring. I think you've got the two things muddled up in your head a bit.

I expect a lot of my friends would find my life boring as I spend a large part of it engaging in a hobby that none of them have any desire to take up, but we still enjoy meeting up and chatting with each other. I don't think that they think I'm boring.

Who cares if someone else thinks it's boring, it's your life not theirs, you're the only person you need to please.

Rural life isn’t for me, I had a friend do it and slapped a smile to wish her well. Your friend doesn’t need to poo poo your plans, you don’t need to let her view bother you. Practice a smiley reply, don’t stress.

I am living your "boring" life... and you know what - yep, sometimes I'm bored. So what? Boredom isn't a bad thing. Space to think is good for me, and if the boredom goes on too long, it is a spur to just do something.

I would say though, that with chronic ongoing health conditions, being in the arse end of beyond is not always great. We moved to the edge of suburbia with access to public transport, easily accessible hospitals and doctors and it has cut out so much worry from my life.

Don't say anything ffs it's their wedding GET OVER IT.

Would be boring to me but my ADHD brain needs variety and plenty of things to do. If it makes you happy it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.

Do what suits you OP and your friend can do what suits her.

I don't quite understand why this bothers you, really. Sure, to your friend, I expect that would be boring, because she likes different things to you - but it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with what you want. It's boring to your friend, but it's not boring to you, and it's your goal so that's all that matters.

Honestly, if someone told me they thought one of my 'life goals' was boring I wouldn't give a shit! I'm sure I'd think theirs were boring too.

You don't need other people to validate what you want out of life. Your goal is ideal for you, and I'm sure it would be ideal for lots of other people too. It sounds lovely to me! (Not that my opinion matters either.)

Wrong thread, mate

Who cares what she thinks? If it’s what you want and what will make you happy then it’s the right thing for you. Personally I don’t enjoy glamorous parties and exotic trips. I like quieter dinners with a few friends and holidays to interesting places but not the far flung corners of the globe. One man’s meat is another man’s poison, as they say.
It’s not dull to want a peaceful life where you just appreciate the things you have, in fact I’d go as far to say it will probably make you more content than the people always chasing the next exciting thing.

That sounds a lovely life, OP. It actually sounds pretty fun/exciting with the touring. Even if your goal was to live in a lovely cottage and never leave it other than to walk the dog that would also be absolutely fine. It's your life not hers. She is being totally unreasonable in expecting you to have the same goals/needs as she does!

I'd just point that out any time she says anything:
Ah well, we are all different aren't we?!
Isn't it lucky you we don't have to live the same life?!
I'm happy that you get to live the life you want and I'll do the same!
etc etc...

Then change the subject. Hopefully she'll get the message.

Your friend is weird, different people like different things. She can say, well it's not for me, I would be bored, but she shouldn't criticise you.

Just find a line to roll out every time she opens her mouth, something like "different strokes for different folks" and repeat it every time she says boring.