Page 3 | Underwhelming Mothers Day area

NormasArse · 30/03/2025 12:19

I’m feeling a bit sad too, OP. I got a text from my youngest telling me he’d ring me later, and he sent a card which came yesterday. He also said he’d pay for me to go out.

DD FaceTimed.

My eldest hasn’t messaged.

I think what they don’t get is that I don’t want cards or presents; I’d just like to see them- go for a walk or something. You’d think they’d all know me by now.

It’s just a made up day anyway.

toodledo · 30/03/2025 12:21

This is the issue with Mother's Day - it's now so incredibly performative. Expectations become a bit OTT and then what you've got isn't good enough? I think it's nice to acknowledge Mother's Day in some small way at least but there's no need to go overboard for some manufactured day (eg like Valentine's Day) IMO

Fagli · 30/03/2025 12:21

I think it sounds like a split between mothers who have an equal partner, share the load, generally feel loved and respected being happy with a card and some chocolate. Those who do everything and are not respected want more validation on the day, which is fair enough. It just seems that if you change your dynamic you won’t need a day of respect, you’ll have everyday.

I’m not anti Mother’s Day at all, I like a card, tea in bed, maybe a lie in. We are going out for dinner, which I love too. But, I feel valued and respected every day so it’s not that important to me.

comealongdobbeh · 30/03/2025 12:22

On the one hand yes, it’s just a day. But honestly, on the other, although I feel abit petty, I feel crap today.

i was 40 last month. DH announced 3 days before my birthday that he didn’t know what to get me so if I didn’t tell him he’d just stick some money in a card. I refused to indulge. I got some £40 hair straighteners from Amazon. Nothing from the kids (10 and 2). For his 40th I spent over £1000 getting him well thought out gifts.

my brother arranged a family meal for my bday. DH proceeded to order alcohol for himself so I felt I couldn’t because I had to drive.

and now today. I’ve had a card from the kids. And that’s it. I’m cleaning the house while also sorting laundry and watching the kids. DH is in bed, unwell apparently. And I’m just sick of feeling unappreciated. And I probably won’t get to see my own mum today (he is NC with his). But yes, I guess it’s just another day.

Unpaidviewer · 30/03/2025 12:30

toodledo · 30/03/2025 12:21

This is the issue with Mother's Day - it's now so incredibly performative. Expectations become a bit OTT and then what you've got isn't good enough? I think it's nice to acknowledge Mother's Day in some small way at least but there's no need to go overboard for some manufactured day (eg like Valentine's Day) IMO

I agree with this. I'm not sure if it's because of social media. A card and box of chocolates seems thoughtful and kind to me, but is now the bare minimum?

Bluepiano · 30/03/2025 12:32

Pipsquiggle · 30/03/2025 09:07

First of all I am married to a good, decent man who I love. He just is rubbish at organising anything

This morning I have got 2 cards and a box of maltesers . Better than nothing. No cup of tea made.

Just a bit of 'meh' TBH

Anyone else in the same boat?

I have got exactly nothing for Mother’s Day. My daughter is two so would be up to my husband but he is putting up shelves so I am looking after her. Not even a cup of tea. Oh I may be given time for a bath this afternoon but only if he finishes what he needs to do.

MyKingdomForACat · 30/03/2025 12:34

Sheknowsaboutme · 30/03/2025 09:26

What do you want? A circus?

Exactly. As long as everyone is happy and healthy that’s good enough for me x

LaurieFairyCake · 30/03/2025 12:35

Dead happy. Dogs got me a card, kids sent a text saying they loved me. All fine by me 😊

SwordOfOmens · 30/03/2025 12:36

Why do you all hate mothers day?? Why shouldn't women be celebrated?

Party poopers.

Calliopespa · 30/03/2025 12:43

Starfishfriend · 30/03/2025 12:15

@Calliopespa the op isn’t asking for a day revolving around her though she’s asking to feel appreciated. You have a cake ‘hidden’ (they care enough to try and surprise you) and people whispering and thinking about you. I don’t think it’s that op wanted more ‘stuff’ or en entire day, it’s that every other coach thought their wife might prefer them to be home, and op wanted to feel like all her hard work is seen and appreciated, in the same way you see and appreciate how hard your husband works and leave him to sleep for example. Your day sounds lovely I hope the craft project goes well

Agree - and I did say this thread is not really one of the worst; here it’s mostly mums fielding things that are a bit meh.

But generally speaking MD has started to become a bit of an opportunity to be demanding. It’s mostly the threads with new mums tbh who seem to regard it as a chance for a power play with MIL ( and a few MILs who are still determined on extracting their dues!) . The more elaborate the requirements, the harder it is for families to manage to show their appreciation. It’s usually when “ the whole day ” is needed.

MrsWembley · 30/03/2025 12:43

@CalliopespaThank-you😘

DS has finally reappeared with a card and a hug. Still nothing from DD, but I’ll be happy if she just takes the recycling out!

Calliopespa · 30/03/2025 12:45

SwordOfOmens · 30/03/2025 12:36

Why do you all hate mothers day?? Why shouldn't women be celebrated?

Party poopers.

We love the idea. But to keep it lovely, requirements have to be manageable and it needs to be able to be shared amongst mums in the family.

The mums here are being perfectly reasonable.

Rowgtfc72 · 30/03/2025 12:45

I got up, made dh a bacon butty, walked the dog.
Came home to find teen dd sat there with a gift bag. It wasn't given to me and there was no happy mothers day to go with it. I did get a very nice candle and a card. ( I know you'll like it because I think it's awful)
Trip to tesco resulted in "you know you love me mummy" but I've got no money. She now has new( essential) underwear and an Easter egg and cookies.
Came home and made a cuppa for myself. Dh has put Top Gear on.
Dd knows I don't do gifts and that I'm always happy with a card, a cuddle and bunch of daffs.
I'd just like to be something other than a cross between the bank and a kitchen appliance for the day.

Happy mothers day to the rest of the unappreciated!

Calliopespa · 30/03/2025 12:51

comealongdobbeh · 30/03/2025 12:22

On the one hand yes, it’s just a day. But honestly, on the other, although I feel abit petty, I feel crap today.

i was 40 last month. DH announced 3 days before my birthday that he didn’t know what to get me so if I didn’t tell him he’d just stick some money in a card. I refused to indulge. I got some £40 hair straighteners from Amazon. Nothing from the kids (10 and 2). For his 40th I spent over £1000 getting him well thought out gifts.

my brother arranged a family meal for my bday. DH proceeded to order alcohol for himself so I felt I couldn’t because I had to drive.

and now today. I’ve had a card from the kids. And that’s it. I’m cleaning the house while also sorting laundry and watching the kids. DH is in bed, unwell apparently. And I’m just sick of feeling unappreciated. And I probably won’t get to see my own mum today (he is NC with his). But yes, I guess it’s just another day.

Just stop cleaning and go see your mum.x

ETA take cake and enjoy it together . 💐

pikkumyy77 · 30/03/2025 12:51

MrsWembley · 30/03/2025 11:59

So, my DH was away this weekend doing errand type stuff, and it’s his first MD without his mum so I kind of encouraged it so he wouldn’t dwell, which means I’ve been sorting out lunch. Don’t mind all that, love cooking Sunday lunch and they can wash up.

However…

DD, 15, phoned me (phoned me!!!!) around 8.30 to come upstairs and help as she’d spilt some water on her bedside table. I rushed up as the last time she did this there was a flood and she had electronics in the mix. This time, a simple wipe with a cloth was all that was needed and I called her a dafty and let it go, as she looked like she wasn’t fully awake yet. I went back to prepping the meat for the oven and didn’t see her again until 9.45, when she wandered into the kitchen and started looking in the fridge. I asked if she would give me a bit of help after she’d had some breakfast and I immediately got back ‘I’m revising! I need to start revising at 10!’ So I explained as calmly as possible the couple of things I wanted her to do, all of about 15 minutes work, and she said, ‘Listen, I’m telling you…’, at which point I might have raised my voice and said, ‘No, I’m telling you!’ She stormed upstairs and I haven’t heard from her since.

DS, 13, wandered downstairs slightly later on, but I did get a hug. Nothing else, but I know his memory is awful. But I also know his father called him yesterday to remind him to go buy a card! I asked him to make me a cup of tea whilst I carried on tidying and such. He put the kettle on, put the tv on, then asked if I could make the tea! He seemed put out when I said, no!

So, I’m starting to stew. Do I say something or just put it down to teenagers and be grateful that they’re here, happy and healthy? DH then phones on his way home and asks if I’ve had any cards yet. I very nearly start then and say, no. Moments after he says goodbye, I hear DS’s phone. And he talks to his father. Then he goes back to the front room and puts the tv back on.

I’m sat here telling myself, it’s just a day, this is just their normal, I should be grateful, etc. and so forth. But it still hurts. Don’t care about cards or chocolates, just some fucking acknowledgment and an offer of help would be nice.

I had two teenage girls and they made a huge fuss of me—and not just for mother’s day. Stop waiting on everyone hand and foot. They don’t deserve you.

Alasar · 30/03/2025 12:52

I got Nada. My kids are 4 and 19 months. He had the cheek to bring them into the bedroom and say "surprise". There was no surprise. Then all 3 of them proceeded to get into the bed with me so there was no lie in. I did have a moan and he said "oh but I got you a beautiful present at Christmas". Eejit. He got the hint then after I said please make me tea and toast.

I'm off now to meet my lovely friend for lunch and a potter in the shops. I told him I'm not cooking dinner tonight. I'm not mad or anything. Just more peeved. Ah well.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 30/03/2025 12:58

Pipsquiggle · 30/03/2025 10:39

Yes I would like time off from being a mother today as I do the vast majority of household tasks and parenting

So your husband is useless on the other 364 days a year, why did you think he would step up on this one day? To be honest it seems madness to be grumpy that your DH didn’t make an effort for Mother’s Day if he doesn’t make an effort to share the load day to day and surely it would be better for you long term if you focused on getting him to share the household tasks and parenting normally rather than running yourself so ragged you get to Mother’s Day and don’t even want to spend time with the kids who made you mothers. Your priorities are wrong here!

Calliopespa · 30/03/2025 13:00

Alasar · 30/03/2025 12:52

I got Nada. My kids are 4 and 19 months. He had the cheek to bring them into the bedroom and say "surprise". There was no surprise. Then all 3 of them proceeded to get into the bed with me so there was no lie in. I did have a moan and he said "oh but I got you a beautiful present at Christmas". Eejit. He got the hint then after I said please make me tea and toast.

I'm off now to meet my lovely friend for lunch and a potter in the shops. I told him I'm not cooking dinner tonight. I'm not mad or anything. Just more peeved. Ah well.

Oh that’s bloody awful!

Enjoy the trip out.

I might have waded in too soon on this thread because I think some families have actually gone a bit low-bar here.

I’m so used to threads with posts like: “ so dd is 18 months and DH had just announced his mum wants us all to drop in for a cuppa and I don’t see WHY!!! I mean she’s HAD her mother’s days. She doesn’t even mother now; and im worn out with a baby! Why SHOULD we waste an hour when I am now THE mum in DH’s life and after all, it is called Mother’s DAY not just mother’s morning?!!! And I’ve said if you think I’m coming well I’m not because it’s not what I WANT and its MY day. Should I LTB?

Onlyvisiting · 30/03/2025 13:00

Cards and chocolate/gift is what always and still do for mothers day. The idea of breakfast in bed and generally being fussed over all day seems performative to me. If kids are old enough tonsort card etc themselves then I wouldn't expect any further involvement from a spouse myself.

Bolide · 30/03/2025 13:02

I get nothing, not even a text

try not to think about it

comealongdobbeh · 30/03/2025 13:22

Thanks @Calliopespa, yes I know I should but it’ll annoy me to leave the house half done (and my mother wouldn’t approve!)

im also peri (I think) and on my second period this month so hormones are definitely playing a big part.

my DH isn’t awful he’s lovely for the most part, just need to give my head a wobble

Abbygabby87 · 30/03/2025 13:22

The thing is , mother's day means something to mothers.

It doesn't mean anything at all to anyone else.

It only benefits mothers. It doesn't benefit anyone else. So why would anyone else care about it.

In fact it just causes stress for everyone else. It's a negative thing for a lot of people.

I always remember it being a stressful and awful day.

Im 41 . I didn't think about mothers day at all this year. It didn't cross my mind.

I only thought about it when I rang my mother on Friday, and I told her I would ring her next week and she said "you do know its mother's day this Sunday don't you".

It means nothing at all to me. But as it means something to my mother, I made a mental note to call her today.

I did call her and wish her happy mother's day. Then I got an earful (which happens every year) that my brother hadn't bothered to call her.

No one cares about mothers day. It matters to you because you want to be waited on and served.

Other people don't want to wait on and serve you.

Abbygabby87 · 30/03/2025 13:27

I think a lot of people also think that mothers day is just a made up load of commercial rubbish.

Its on a different day in lots of different countries. Mothers are not just mothers for one day of the year.

If you have adult daughters

and let's say, the commercial companies all of a sudden, invented a "daughters day".

Would you travel to your adult daughters house , bring her a card, bring her a present and flowers, make her breakfast in bed, do all her chores for her all day, and bring her out for a meal and to a spa?

I bet you wouldn't be bothered!

Birdseyetrifle · 30/03/2025 13:30

My DS is 15. I got a card. He says he’s ordered my present but it hasn’t arrived yet. He ordered it at 12:46 today. He did offer to make me a cup of tea.

I am really quite upset by it.

Freysimo · 30/03/2025 13:32

I went to Tesco this morning and I've never seen so many men with flowers! It was the same driving home. I guess Welsh men really love their mums (or wives).