Velour Leggings for a funeral?

[MrBallensWife]

My ex partners dad passed away recently,he is my daughters granddad so I want to go to the funeral to support my daughter (12) and also because I was very fond of him and we got on well.
I've bought a lovely smart blazer and top to wear in black and now I'm struggling for trousers.I have some brand new black velour/velvet leggings but is it inappropriate to wear leggings to a funeral do you think?

These look like jeggings to me. The blazer is formal and you will have a long coat as well? Formal shoes or boots? I think it's fine under these circs. Clearly no trainers.

All of that said, these discussions remind me of the Mitford nanny who used to say to the girls: "Nobody will be looking at you" or some such when they got overly particular about their clothes for an event (apparently this included Diana Mitford's wedding day.)

Yes definetly formal shoes,but no jacket,just the blazer and obviously a top underneath,no skin showing or low cut tops etc.

Thankyou 🩷
I feel proud that my daughter wants to go,I said to her from the start that I would respect her decision whether to go or not as I didn't want to upset her as the only other funeral she has been to is her brother/my son when she was 9.I didn't want to trigger her in any way but after giving it some thought she decided that she would like to pay her respects and go and say goodbye to her granddad.
The leggings debate has caused quite a stir!, but they are lovely thick velour and not some cheap see through Primark ones but I will be going to town today to look for trousers,so at least I can know I've tried my best to get something suitable to wear!

I disagree with this.
My sons funeral was attended by lots and lots of young people as he had just turned 22 when he died.All family were smartly dressed in black suits/trousers/dresses with a red item of clothing (as per my request) due to his love for Liverpool Fc.
Of all his friends who attended I'd say it was half and half,half dressed smartly in suits and half in casual clothing.I found it such a comfort that so many young people wanted to come and be there to say goodbye to him.It comforted me to know he was so well loved that people just wanted to be there.
I didn't think any less of anyone who was dressed in trainers or tracksuits as that was what my son wore most of the time and it reflected his personality to me,if you know what I mean?.
I was just so touched and grateful for those people being there even though I didn't know many of them but they were a part of my sons life,and he theirs, so the fact that they came meant more to me than what they were wearing.

Cannot get my head around velour leggings
Why the hell thought they would be an attractive item of clothing! Yes, I know we all are different and I'm sure some of my clothes would make some pull a wtf face!

Yes of course. It’s better to go and show respect. If possible though, it’s good to dress as though it’s a formal occasion, because it is.

I'm so sorry about your son 😞 xxxx ❤️

Thankyou xx💙

Velour is fine, it's basically a close fitting trouser, not like a thin cotton legging and it will look good with smarter shoes, jacket and top.

You'll always get contrarian sartorial advice about funerals on MN. I once posted asking for suggestions as I needed a dress at short notice for a family funeral while I was on holiday in a rural area so couldn't hit a town centre and spend hours trying things on and got lots of "funerals are informal these days" responses. This one very much wasn't!
(I got lucky at a TK Maxx and M&S at a small retail park)

So sorry to hear about your son.

Whereas I agree on a surface level it is better to go than not to go, even if you can't find 'the right thing' to wear, I think the fact that you have started a thread to ask, shows that you do care, and therefore that you would probably feel uncomfortable if everyone else were more formally dressed than you. I've said this often over the years , that if ever you are not sure of the level of 'smartness' required for any occasion, I always think it is better to be the one person smartly dressed in a sea of people dressed more casually, than to be the one looking very casual when everyone else is formally dressed.
Plus, as has been said many times, black work wear trousers are the best thing to keep in your wardrobe anyway as they are just so versatile - looking smart when you need them to be but never overly dressy when you don't.

Thankyou 💙
Yes,I really do care,but I'm one of these people who always worries about how I look and what people will think of me.I know I shouldn't but it's a hard habit to break ☹️.I didn't manage to find any trousers in town today,M&S only had short leg trousers in my size and the ones in Yours clothing were wide leg and made me look even bigger,I looked ridiculous.

You'll be fine.

My husband's funeral was during lockdown. I was just glad to see people there.
My husband's 20 yr old granddaughter didn't attend because her mother didn't want her there - said it would be too triggering. (She lost her dad when she was 9.)

So long as you're there to support your daughter, that's the main thing.

So incredibly sorry to hear about your son OP and the funeral sounds like such a touching tribute to him.

Im the poster who said I just bought a black dress to keep on standby (it was £20 and can def be worn for other things, it’s very plain). I didn’t mean to imply that ONLY black can be worn for a funeral, just that, for me, having something to wear frees me from having to think about it and enables me to think about remembering the dead or supporting the living. I’ve never been to funeral full of only people wearing black dresses, nor have I ever been to one where wearing a black dress is inappropriate! However there are many different cultures and ways of expressing grief and respect for sure.

On reading your further posts, I really think the velour leggings will be fine and you should absolutely not torment yourself trying to find something else. I hope it all goes well for you.

Sounds fine to me

You don't need to. I actually bought a navy and a black pair of velvet trousers (not leggings) around Christmas nd they're lovely.

I honestly don't think anyone will care what you are wearing, @MrBallensWife. They will just be touched by your and your DD's presence. I am so sorry about your son.

Don't torture yourself any more with trying to find someone else. As I said, I literally don't have a clue what anyone was wearing at my parents' funerals. Take care x

No advice re leggings, but just wanted to say how sorry I am that you lost your son. How absolutely tragic. You must have gone through so much.
x

I hope you I've found the most beautiful clothes to wear, OP xxx

Your outfit sounds fine for a funeral

I'm always amazed at just how old fashioned the UK is when it comes to funerals, and especially attire. Where I live people don't care what you wear, the fact that you've made the effort to attend is more important.

Thank you so much

Thankyou so much 💙
He had just turned 18 when he was diagnosed with Bowel Cancer and fought so hard for 3 years before it finally took him from us.
It was the most harrowing experience of my life and if it wasn't for my DD12 needing her mom,I wouldn't be here now.
Now,nothing much phases me anymore and you're right I am torturing myself over a pair of bloody leggings that nobody will probably even notice anyway!. I'm just going to wear them and if people don't like it then so be it.Theyre brand new,as is the rest of my outfit so I shall wear them with my head held high!.
❤️

You're not a head of state, and most of us aren't a part of the aspiring classes. It's fine.

So many incredibly rude and inappropriate replies on this post.

It's OK to say you think the outfit doesn't sound smart enough. Not OK to use words like unattractive, slovenly, "screams disrespect".

The OP is clearly respectful and thoughtful which is why she started this thread in the first place. Be nice!

For what it's worth OP, I think your outfit sounds fine and is very unlikely to stand out.

When we buried my mum last year I couldn't tell you what any of the mourners wore apart from my family.

They are black trousers, they are fine x

I couldn't even have told you what any of my family was wearing either, other than my 9 and 7 year olds and that's only because I chose their outfits! Never could bring myself to let them wear the outfits again.

So sorry about your mum. It's just fucking awful x

@MrBallensWife after all you must have been through and still are going through, a pair of leggings is immeasurably trivial in the scheme of things. I have a 21 year old DS and I don't want to even begin to imagine. Hope it all goes as ok as these things can. Hugs x