Your mother is quite extreme. Mine just used to constantly put me down. I tried to do the have things out and move on with mine. It made things 10 times worse. She wasn’t ready to listen and your mum isn’t either.
You can’t make her hear. It would destroy her personal image and she can’t cope with it. This isn’t fair on you of course. However, it really would be useful to really get your head round the fact that she can’t and that you are the strong one. She’s weak. Very weak.
My dd is 16 and I can’t imagine ever wanting to ignore her. It would be a ridiculous thing to do anyway. Dd has anorexia and last year all but stopped eating for a couple of weeks then was on 400/500 calories a day for a while. There is no way on earth I could ever do that to her anyway. But even if I were tempted, keeping her alive would be my no 1 goal, always. The most I would do is to withdraw for a very short while to allow tempers to calm.
The way that I sorted things with my mother was when she really upset me was to refuse to talk to her until she apologised. She rang me, I didn’t enter into discussion, I talked about the incident and said I wanted an apology, drew the conversation round and when it was clear she wouldn’t, I ended the call. Three weeks later I called her and elicited a ‘sorry if’, which for her was mahooosive.
I suspect it would take longer for your mother. However, this is how to change the dynamic. It’s pointless going over old ground. You just pick the current thing, which is really really upsetting you. If you’re going to go this route, I’d probably wait until she said something awful then disengage rather than be when she has disengaged otherwise you’re going to get into a tit for tat.