Husband gifted £5k

[everychildmatters]

Long story short...
My SIL came over today and she let it slip (she of course assumed I knew) that her parents had gifted husband £5k (she had her dad's car when he stopped driving at 83 so they were "evening things out."
Hubby and I both work but I'm a SEND Tutor which means I only get paid for the hours I work e.g not in school holidays. We rent privately as simply can't afford to buy and has been that way for years. My car is also on its last legs and I do a lot of travel for work so no idea what to do when that packs up!! His mum and dad have just also purchased him a beautiful new electric car.
Hubby knows my anxiety about paying bills etc has been through the roof.
He says he didn't tell me because I have been so stressed, but the truth is (IMO) is he didn't tell me because I could then have said could we use some of that if I can't get work over six weeks holiday etc?
I feel so let down and disappointed - I don't think he'd ever have told me if I hadn't found put through SIL.
Perhaps I'm being unreasonable but feeling crap tbh.

Why did you not buy a house when you were working FT on UPS earning over £50k? Why did you pack your job in if you were so financially stuck?

I’m also a SEND tutor but get paid £40 ph plus I get travel paid for some students. Could you check what other local tutoring companies are paying? I’m always being emailed with work offers but most do pay £30-£35 ph.

To be fair she’s talked about getting a loan so probably that.

Are you a qualified teacher as opposed to a SEND tutor?

If so why can’t you look for a job in a school? That would solve the issue of ‘no income in school holidays’.

Threads like this are incredibly frustrating.

You were asked if you had other children and you said you had one child.

Following constant brusque replies to posts and intentionally ignoring posts you didn’t want to answer, the backstory is emerging.

What you disclose/non disclose is up to you OP but posters cannot reply adequately with half the story.

I cannot see the point of why you bothered posting at all.

Oh and don’t forget just dropped in that he put half the £5k gift in to a child saving account for their daughter! After almost 150 posts from the OP!

The money was given to him. Not you. But apparently you want to decide what to spend it on.

He’d probably have told you if he expected you would just wait and let him decide how to use the money. He hasn’t told you because he knows you won’t do that - you’ll immediately start making demands.

If you’re short of money then you’re not in a position to have a job that doesn’t offer hours over the summer. You need to get a different job.

To be fair, OP did tell us her DH had put half of the £5k into an account for their DD.:
everychildmatters · 21/03/2025 23:40
@ TubTubTub He says he's put half away for our daughter and half in his own account. He wouldn't have told me about it if I hadn't found out through SIL.
I can see how you missed it though - with 6 pages of OP's replies alone, it's turned into something of a drip-feed.

Cheers for that

when the op emerge from her screen yesterday, he and their daughter must have wondered what on earth the OP’s being doing on her phone all of yesterday and the day before!

The op says his parents give him money to go away on holiday, has the op ever clarified whether he goes without her and his daughter?

Could you mark exams during the summer?

RTFT. OP's MIL told her they told their DS the money was for "the family"!

OP's MIL told her they told their DS the money was for "the family". Please RTFT or, at least, all of OP's posts.

RTFT. OP's MIL told her they told their DS the money was for "the family"!

£1150 rent on a £550k property?
that’s a steal!

It does seem odd to have savings but not be able to comfortably afford the day to day living costs. You both need to sit down, be transparent and have a conversation about sorting things out.

On a side note - as you’re a qualified tutor, you could reach out to home ed groups and offer your services to groups/families. Many will happily pay for qualified help, and aren’t restricted to term times so you could pick up extra work in the holidays (appreciate you have child care, but this is also your husband’s responsibility. You might also be able to take your DC depending on the home ed group/ family set up)

The exam boards don’t just take anyone as examiners. They like qualified teachers and certainly people who can demonstrate knowledge about the relevant subject.

Obviously but l assume the OP is a qualified teacher? Maybe l am wrong?

Nope, she was a full time teacher on UPS but left at Christmas and began tutoring.

There is no point trying to figure out the OP’s circumstances. Not only is she not forthcoming, she is deliberately misleading people.

She wrote about her four year old.
She was asked if she had another child.
her reply was she doesn’t have two children.
it turns out she has at least three children.

I assume her husband is similar and has his own (probably valid) reasons for not disclosing info to her.

So you have older children that you are also supporting, now it starts to make a bit of sense.

Your school aged child still shares a bedroom full time with you and your husband while your sons are only there every other week??? ridiculously unfair.

You are at the absolute limits of what you can afford rental wise because you need a three bedroom house to house your sons with you, which impacts your outgoings hugely.

You refuse to work extra hours and work school holidays to boost your income and instead want to rely on gifts from your PIL to help pay your share of the living expenses as you are living hand to mouth all the time.

In a healthy relationship you could expect to pay 50/50 but he obviously feels like you are taking the piss with your refusal to work while you have three children to support (to his one child) and an expensive house to pay for, he is prioritising your joint child by putting money into savings, and he knows if he gives it you you will just piss it up the wall and sit round all school holidays doing naff all.

This op won’t be back I suspect

She is a qualified teacher and left a UPS role in primary at Christmas a

In a healthy relationship you would expect the shared income to cover all the outgoings, and whatever is left over to be used equally by both parties.

Two things here:

1. He absolutely should have told you. My dh would have offered that money straight away towards my car, but then again he would have offered his 10 000 already towards it because it's our money and our car. We both work in different capacities for the good of our family.
2. Whatever your financial arrangements between the two of you, I wonder if a bit of school holiday nannying might help. You won't need to find childcare while you do it.