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Original poster

Husband gifted £5k

730 replies

everychildmatters · 21/03/2025 21:05

Long story short...
My SIL came over today and she let it slip (she of course assumed I knew) that her parents had gifted husband £5k (she had her dad's car when he stopped driving at 83 so they were "evening things out."
Hubby and I both work but I'm a SEND Tutor which means I only get paid for the hours I work e.g not in school holidays. We rent privately as simply can't afford to buy and has been that way for years. My car is also on its last legs and I do a lot of travel for work so no idea what to do when that packs up!! His mum and dad have just also purchased him a beautiful new electric car.
Hubby knows my anxiety about paying bills etc has been through the roof.
He says he didn't tell me because I have been so stressed, but the truth is (IMO) is he didn't tell me because I could then have said could we use some of that if I can't get work over six weeks holiday etc?
I feel so let down and disappointed - I don't think he'd ever have told me if I hadn't found put through SIL.
Perhaps I'm being unreasonable but feeling crap tbh.

OP posts:
Radish81 · 22/03/2025 19:25

everychildmatters · 21/03/2025 23:12

@Maddy70 No he's never paid for a holiday (his parents gift him money for those too).

Just him? You and your child don’t accompany him?

Grammarnut · 22/03/2025 19:26

Radish81 · 22/03/2025 19:20

No one
literally no one
is talking about being “reliant” on anyone

Show quote history

Where did I say 'reliant on'? Though, of course, a woman with young children will be reliant on her partner to provide income since she is doing the unpaid work all women do. Time for wages for housework, I think, and the realisation that no economy can survive without the unpaid work of women.

Original poster
everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 19:26

@TallMam Exactly. That's the bit I'm really bothered by.
I think I know why he didn't tell me. Perhaps if he had told me I'd have asked if he could help me to get my car repaired so it is safe and I can continue to work? Would that have been unreasonable? I just don't know.

OP posts:
Original poster
everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 19:27

@Grammarnut Child now at school tbf.

OP posts:
Radish81 · 22/03/2025 19:27

I find it odd op that you didn’t mention you have two teens from a previous marriage

nor that he put £2.5k into a child trust fund

its all a bit sketchy so I’ll leave you to it

Radish81 · 22/03/2025 19:28

Grammarnut · 22/03/2025 19:26

Where did I say 'reliant on'? Though, of course, a woman with young children will be reliant on her partner to provide income since she is doing the unpaid work all women do. Time for wages for housework, I think, and the realisation that no economy can survive without the unpaid work of women.

Show quote history

Not you

the op kept on going about not wanting to be reliant on a man

and no one was remotely suggesting that would be a good idea

Original poster
everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 19:29

@Radish81 Perhaps go back and re-read. Bye!

OP posts:
Radish81 · 22/03/2025 19:32

No where have you said he put half it in child savings

and until a pp mentioned
you have two kids from a previous relationship - you hadnt mentioned once

you and your dh sound well suited

Original poster
everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 19:40

@Radish81 Bye!

OP posts:
CaptainFuture · 22/03/2025 19:54

Grammarnut · 22/03/2025 19:26

Where did I say 'reliant on'? Though, of course, a woman with young children will be reliant on her partner to provide income since she is doing the unpaid work all women do. Time for wages for housework, I think, and the realisation that no economy can survive without the unpaid work of women.

Show quote history

'Wages for housework?' Of course these wages will go straight back into the 'family pot'? Dems the rulez!

DiduAye · 22/03/2025 19:59

Given that you had plans for the money the minute you knew about it I'm not surprised he kept it from you. Hi

TheTavern · 22/03/2025 20:03

He didn’t tell you coz he didn’t want you to have it 🤬

Booboobagins · 22/03/2025 20:07

Why are you worrying about paying bills when he isn't shouldering it too?

It's a classic financially abusive relationship imo.

So what are you going to do about it?

I personally could not be with someone who is deceitful around money, who isn't sharing with you your family good fortune, not his good fortune.

ConstanceM · 22/03/2025 20:40

everychildmatters · 21/03/2025 21:10

@Upsetbetty Well no chance of that as it went straight into his account!

Not your money..Grow up. He can do what he wants with it. He's not obliged to inform you or have you spend it for him..I bet you wouldn't reciprocate either

Original poster
everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 20:45

Well I'm confronting him tonight. As his wife he should have told me about money his parents gifted to us. End of. Not interested in excuses.

OP posts:
PeggyMitchellsCameo · 22/03/2025 20:48

Well if it’s his money it wouldn’t be classed as such in a divorce which posters are very clear about on here.
There is no way on earth my OH would have me driving round in a knackered car if he could help me out.
The OP here isn’t want to fleece her hubby for funds for Botox or a BBL!!! She just needs support with some basics.

Annascaul · 22/03/2025 20:57

everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 20:45

Well I'm confronting him tonight. As his wife he should have told me about money his parents gifted to us. End of. Not interested in excuses.

To him. Not you as a couple.

CaptainFuture · 22/03/2025 20:59

everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 20:45

Well I'm confronting him tonight. As his wife he should have told me about money his parents gifted to us. End of. Not interested in excuses.

Did he parents say it was gifted to you both?

Rachand23 · 22/03/2025 21:01

What a loving husband you have op.

moveoveralice · 22/03/2025 21:25

They have a bedroom each when they visit, although when my eldest goes to uni in September our daughter will move into his room so she has her own (in with us currently)

Your dd shares a bedroom with you and your dh while two sit empty most of the time?

CaptainFuture · 22/03/2025 21:27

moveoveralice · 22/03/2025 21:25

They have a bedroom each when they visit, although when my eldest goes to uni in September our daughter will move into his room so she has her own (in with us currently)

Your dd shares a bedroom with you and your dh while two sit empty most of the time?

How old the daughter who doesn't get a room of her own because of step siblings who don't even live there?!

CaptainFuture · 22/03/2025 21:29

Just re read and she's at school?! Seriously you make a school aged child share a room with you to have spare rooms for adult children who don't live with you full time?

ThistleTits · 22/03/2025 21:43

everychildmatters · 21/03/2025 21:32

@Trolleysaregoodforemployment Not true. The teaching agency I work through don't employ over school holidays. I can't get hours.

There are other jobs that can be done over the 6 weeks. You're very self entitled.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 22/03/2025 21:48

ThistleTits · 22/03/2025 21:43

There are other jobs that can be done over the 6 weeks. You're very self entitled.

Show quote history

Childcare?

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 22/03/2025 21:49

CaptainFuture · 22/03/2025 21:29

Just re read and she's at school?! Seriously you make a school aged child share a room with you to have spare rooms for adult children who don't live with you full time?

Yes, WTF indeed.

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