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Original poster

Husband gifted £5k

730 replies

everychildmatters · 21/03/2025 21:05

Long story short...
My SIL came over today and she let it slip (she of course assumed I knew) that her parents had gifted husband £5k (she had her dad's car when he stopped driving at 83 so they were "evening things out."
Hubby and I both work but I'm a SEND Tutor which means I only get paid for the hours I work e.g not in school holidays. We rent privately as simply can't afford to buy and has been that way for years. My car is also on its last legs and I do a lot of travel for work so no idea what to do when that packs up!! His mum and dad have just also purchased him a beautiful new electric car.
Hubby knows my anxiety about paying bills etc has been through the roof.
He says he didn't tell me because I have been so stressed, but the truth is (IMO) is he didn't tell me because I could then have said could we use some of that if I can't get work over six weeks holiday etc?
I feel so let down and disappointed - I don't think he'd ever have told me if I hadn't found put through SIL.
Perhaps I'm being unreasonable but feeling crap tbh.

OP posts:
Original poster
everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 19:05

@Radish81 Only if I could work EOW?

OP posts:
Original poster
everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 19:06

@Radish81 Yes he threw me down the stairs.

OP posts:
Radish81 · 22/03/2025 19:06

everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 18:59

@Radish81 Unfortunately my son is raised to be a misogynist at father's. Women are ONLY there to "serve men" and should not work. Women should ask permission to leave the house and it is OK to be tracked via iPhone. Just a few of the reasons I left.

Your son sounds quite disturbing, and I wouldn’t want him near my daughter.

pity his future parter

Grammarnut · 22/03/2025 19:07

everychildmatters · 21/03/2025 22:45

@purpleblue2 He has a lot more "spare" than me once bills are paid, plus around £15k savings. I don't work in a school.

Edited

The assets of a marriage are joint. You need a joint account into which all the income goes each month, each drawing the same amount of spending money and the rest paying all bills. paying for needed cars, and for joint savings. Your DH doesn't appear to know what being married means.
NB Half that 15k savings is yours. Joint asset.

Radish81 · 22/03/2025 19:07

everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 19:06

@Radish81 Yes he threw me down the stairs.

And he got almost full custody of your two young children

Radish81 · 22/03/2025 19:08

op I really feel for you and your daughter
sounds a vile family home to grow up in

Original poster
everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 19:09

@Radish81 Indeed he did. Money talks your way out of trouble. He is an incredibly clever narcissist. Incredibly clever.

OP posts:
Xenia · 22/03/2025 19:10

In English law assets in a marriage are not joint unless you put them in joint names although each spouse as has a duty to support the other. However on divorce it is often the case a financial settlement results in assets of one going to the other and on death so in that sense there is sometimes a "joint" feel to it.

Radish81 · 22/03/2025 19:10

everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 19:09

@Radish81 Indeed he did. Money talks your way out of trouble. He is an incredibly clever narcissist. Incredibly clever.

And Now you’re with this prince

Original poster
everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 19:11

@Radish81 It's so much better for me here than it was in my first marriage so don't feel sorry for me. I'm even allowed to see my family!

OP posts:
Radish81 · 22/03/2025 19:13

everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 19:11

@Radish81 It's so much better for me here than it was in my first marriage so don't feel sorry for me. I'm even allowed to see my family!

You have an appalling benchmark

Original poster
everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 19:15

@Radish81 Well I certainly didn't want a man who paid everything for me. I'd just hoped for one who would helped me out I guess. But perhaps I should see if I can work more and I do see that.

OP posts:
Grammarnut · 22/03/2025 19:16

Xenia · 22/03/2025 19:10

In English law assets in a marriage are not joint unless you put them in joint names although each spouse as has a duty to support the other. However on divorce it is often the case a financial settlement results in assets of one going to the other and on death so in that sense there is sometimes a "joint" feel to it.

Which OP's DH should bear in mind. And why is he living the high hog whilst she is scraping for bills and car? Not much of a marriage. I'd divorce him, take half his assets and be considerably better off.

TheOneandOnlyPrincessFiona84 · 22/03/2025 19:16

everychildmatters · 21/03/2025 21:05

Long story short...
My SIL came over today and she let it slip (she of course assumed I knew) that her parents had gifted husband £5k (she had her dad's car when he stopped driving at 83 so they were "evening things out."
Hubby and I both work but I'm a SEND Tutor which means I only get paid for the hours I work e.g not in school holidays. We rent privately as simply can't afford to buy and has been that way for years. My car is also on its last legs and I do a lot of travel for work so no idea what to do when that packs up!! His mum and dad have just also purchased him a beautiful new electric car.
Hubby knows my anxiety about paying bills etc has been through the roof.
He says he didn't tell me because I have been so stressed, but the truth is (IMO) is he didn't tell me because I could then have said could we use some of that if I can't get work over six weeks holiday etc?
I feel so let down and disappointed - I don't think he'd ever have told me if I hadn't found put through SIL.
Perhaps I'm being unreasonable but feeling crap tbh.

I would be LIVID.

my hubby had money from an inheritance and I made no demands of him.
Then my mum gifted me some money and he made no demands of me.

Together we made decisions to pay down mortgage and get the kitchen done.

what a shit of a man you have there.

Original poster
everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 19:17

@Grammarnut He has very little in the way of assets. * *

OP posts:
Radish81 · 22/03/2025 19:18

everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 19:15

@Radish81 Well I certainly didn't want a man who paid everything for me. I'd just hoped for one who would helped me out I guess. But perhaps I should see if I can work more and I do see that.

I thought you were absolutely convinced working more wasn’t a possible?

Grammarnut · 22/03/2025 19:18

everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 19:15

@Radish81 Well I certainly didn't want a man who paid everything for me. I'd just hoped for one who would helped me out I guess. But perhaps I should see if I can work more and I do see that.

I expected to be supported by my DH, and vice versa. Neither my late DH nor my ex would have considered it proper to have private spending money to which I had no access - same amount each, joint savings etc.

Radish81 · 22/03/2025 19:19

everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 19:17

@Grammarnut He has very little in the way of assets. * *

£15k nest eggs
brand new electric car

and that is just what you know about
and he clearly isn’t averse to being sketchy with the truth and how much money he has given this very thread

Original poster
everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 19:19

@Grammarnut Supported* *yes, but reliant upon, no.

OP posts:
Radish81 · 22/03/2025 19:20

everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 19:19

@Grammarnut Supported* *yes, but reliant upon, no.

No one
literally no one
is talking about being “reliant” on anyone

Original poster
everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 19:21

@Radish81 That's not much in reality in terms of separation.

OP posts:
MissHarlott · 22/03/2025 19:21

£5k? That falls into the realm of a taxable gift, as does the electric car. HMRC will be one rhe case shortly, which will not help your or his stress levels.

Original poster
everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 19:22

@MissHarlott He's put 2.5 k into child savings account.

OP posts:
Radish81 · 22/03/2025 19:23

everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 19:22

@MissHarlott He's put 2.5 k into child savings account.

Why didn’t you mention this earlier?

TallMam · 22/03/2025 19:23

Imagine you were the receiver of the 5k and decided to keep quiet about it for whatever reason. Would you be the unreasonable one?

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