why the effing jeffing is there a Surrogacy board on Mumsnet???

[nevertuesday]

I have been on MN for 15 years or so and only just realised via a post in Active Threads, that there is a Surrogacy board on Mumsnet??

I only read a couple of the discussions there, along the lines of can I buy my baby abroad? has anyone else had a baby via Surrogacy?? so, looks to be a chat board to SUPPORT people try to remove babies from their mothers using cash.

huh?? on Mumsnet?

I meant that neither adoption or surrogacy outrage me. I just find it bizarre that the person I was responding to is outraged by one and not the other. Plenty people have children when they shouldn't. You look at the kid and think jesus what life are you going to have. Then the parents who have their kids taken away because they arent looking after them. But a child thats wanted and loved and given a good life, but born through surrogacy, is the one where people are outraged.

You want to adopt and you want a child through surrogacy- both are the wants of the adults

Many many women in this country are not at all living poverty and are absolutely putting their hand up to be surrogates.
A friend’s sister for one who is currently 8 months pregnant as a surrogate to her sister and her husband as my friend had cervical cancer and can’t carry a child.

A colleague who has two children by the same surrogate who is the epitome of a middle class housewife / SAHM to her own children but has carried two surrogate pregnancies for my colleague who can’t carry children herself. She loved being pregnant & being a parent apparently and wanted to be a surrogate to help a fellow women have what she had.

so that’s two I know.

The problem with a blanket stance based on an ideology is it lacks nuance and critical thinking and is often found to be simplistic and reactionary nonsense in the real world.

If you genuinely think that adoption and surrogacy are the same thing, do some research into the impact of being adopted on people and consider whether you think inflicting that on a person deliberately because you support people's right to make children under any circumstances is cool.

But the adults don't get to adopt if there isn't a child in need of a home. Do you not see how adoption is for the child, not the adults?

Another recurring feature of threads like this is a poster who seems very pro surrogacy talking about a model of adoption which seems far more like what happens in the US than the UK. I believe over there it's a lot more common for a woman whose pregnancy was unplanned or who doesn't feel able to cope with or finance bringing up a child to relinquish the child at birth, so newborns are often adopted. It's very rare these days in the UK. The US doesn't have an equivalent of the Children Act which puts the children at the centre of legal decisions made about them. It also has very little regulation around surrogacy.

No, they’re not. Wanting a surrogate child because it’s part of you is different because you want to give a child a home. Believe me. They may both be wants but they’re very differently motivated.

Some children NEED to be adopted to be safe.
No child needs to be created to be safe

People are- quite rightly- outraged any time a parent doesn't look after their child properly; it's not only reserved for parents who have used a surrogate.

I find it bizarre that you consider adoptive parents- who are trying to provide a loving family for children who've been failed by their biological parents- no different to parents whose first act as parents is to remove "their" baby from its gestational mother.

Exactly..thank you

They are the same.

If having a kid that shares your DNA wasnt people's desire then I think adoption would be the preference and eventually there would be no kids left to adopt! People have kids to carry on their own family, adoption isnt most people's first choice.

It's the surrogate's choice.

And what about the baby?

No, they aren’t. You clearly have no experience of this.

Because normally removing puppies from their mother is done by humans not other dogs, therefore it's not the done thing as the puppies need a dog mum e.g milk from their mum.

Agree. Im very uncomfortable about surrogacy but dont have an issue with situations like this

For some people, adoption is the first choice. Over creating their own child. You’d be surprised. But not everyone is allowed to adopt, there are a lot of restrictions.

Anchorage56 · Today 20:56

You want to adopt

you want a child through surrogacy- both are the wants of the adults

100% this. ^

And what choice would that be that babies normally get to choose??

It all boils down to tearing a newborn away from its mother, and it’s a pretty horrific and cruel thing to do in a lot of people’s view. However you justify it.

Why have you decided the biological parents are more significant than the gestational mother?

The baby has zero idea whose genetic material it carries. However, it DOES know the voice and smell of the woman in whose body it has been growing for nine months. It is her who the baby needs.

Yes they are. You clearly have no experience of this. You CANNOT be fervently against surrogacy, unless you are against surrogacy. It's breathtakingly disingenuous.

Any reasonable, decent human should have an issue with surrogacy.

Someone I know had an early menopause. cancer and the chemo gave her the extra "gift" of an early menopause. They both wanted a child that reflected their mixed racial heritage.

You'd deny them that because you disapprove? Really?

I do. Very much. They are not the same. Maybe for you they’re the same but for the many people I’ve spoken to in my journey, they’re not the same at all.

You don’t get to tell me my feelings on the subject, no matter how much you want to.