why the effing jeffing is there a Surrogacy board on Mumsnet???

[nevertuesday]

I have been on MN for 15 years or so and only just realised via a post in Active Threads, that there is a Surrogacy board on Mumsnet??

I only read a couple of the discussions there, along the lines of can I buy my baby abroad? has anyone else had a baby via Surrogacy?? so, looks to be a chat board to SUPPORT people try to remove babies from their mothers using cash.

huh?? on Mumsnet?

I struggle to see how that’s any different to a heterosexual couple choosing to have a child or a single woman choosing artificial insemination. The choice to have a child is never done for that child, it’s done for the parents who want a child.

"its the surrogates choice"

What about the babies choice?

It's very different from adoption. Nowadays in the UK adoption happens in the interests of the child, not the adoptive parents, and children are only placed for adoption if their biological parents can't look after them or are a danger to them. All adopters are screened. Nobody screens people becoming parents through surrogacy. The baby is created for the express purpose of being taken from her mother and handed over to strangers immediately after birth. This is immoral.

We should fall in line with most of the rest of Europe and ban surrogacy outright.

When well off women become surrogates, I might start to believe women don't do it for the money. In the meantime .......

Why though? I want to create a child in the image of me (using my DNA) feels very godlike and narcissistic.

its also legal to give children wine and cider at the dinner table with a meal, would you do that? just because something is legal doesn’t make it ok.

You seem very confused. Adoption happens because either a mother recognises that she is unable or unwilling to raise her baby and relinquishes it, or has been judged unable to safely care for her baby leading to its removal. No one has bred a baby with the specific intention of handing it to buyers.

Do you work for a surrogacy agency? I've noticed that the minute a thread about this topic is started the apologists turn up. Uncanny.

I’m adopted. I don’t like the idea of surrogacy. It is different. I wasn’t produced on demand for what is in effect a commercial transaction.

I was born to someone and unfortunately I could not be bought up by my birth parents. A difficult decision was made for me to be adopted. My adoptive parents had to go through gruelling process before they could adopt me.

Adoption nowadays is all about what is best for the child. Surrogacy is all about the surrogate parents, no regard for what is best for the child

Those who say adoption and surrogacy are the same are very ignorant

Is it only babies that people can buy if they want? If a man wanted to buy a 16 yo girl would he be able to? I mean..... he really wants a 16yo girl.. it would make his life COMPLETE!! 🌞🌈 and 🍭ahoy!!

🤣 when do babies ever have a choice?? No child asks to be born. No child gets to pick what parents they get, how they will be brought up etc etc.

That's rubbish. Think about children put up for adoption. They already exist and for some reason their birth mother or father can't care for them. Surrogacy is about creating a child to be removed from its mother at birth. The child's needs are not taken into account. Commercial surrogacy is vile exploitation of women's bodies and human trafficking. Even altruistic surrogacy raises questions about whether a child should be created to be removed from its mother at birth.

So is sex work and organ donation

It’s very different to me. Adoption often happens because it has to for the safety and wellbeing of the child and therefore people adopt those children to give them a better life. As someone who knows a bit about the world of adoption, adopting kids can be hard and I believe it’s done (usually) with nothing but love.

Surrogacy isn’t the same. It’s a want. You want a baby that is part of you and your significant other and you’re willing to risk the person giving birth and affect your unborn child by removing it from its mother.

I am not saying I’m anti-surrogacy, but you cannot compare the two.

Your comment is spot on.

‘I’m not thrilled about surrogacy because it involves intentionally bringing more children into the world to meet the needs of adults.’

Are you against children being born in general? As all children are born based on the adults need to have a family, not sure why this would be different for surrogacy. Genuine question

I think you will find most people have children because they want to produce offspring 🤣

Of course it outrages me that people have children whom they neglect or abuse so badly that they have to be removed from their care and put into the care of others. Why doesn't it outrage you?

This post explains it more eloquently than mine did.

Adoption is done for benefit of the child
Surrogacy is done for the benefit of the people who comisssion the child.

With surrogacy you plan for the separation of the baby from her gestational mother before conception. It’s an active choice.

With adoption you are trying to help a baby that has already been conceived/ born/ in the care system. It’s reacting to a situation with best possible solution.

Both will likely have psychological effects on the child including feelings of abandonment, identity confusion, and potential challenges with attachment, which may lead to anxieties and trauma…

Why would you actively choose to do that to a baby?

But there is a difference between wanting to care for a child and wanting to have your own kids because you want a mix of you and your partner, or whatever the usual stuff is.

Why is it sacrosanct that we don’t remove pups from the mum for 8 weeks but human babies can be taken from their mother at birth?

People choose to bring children into far more traumatic situations.

What about the baby's choice?

So that's ok then? It's only a bit of trauma so it's cool?