why the effing jeffing is there a Surrogacy board on Mumsnet???

[nevertuesday]

I have been on MN for 15 years or so and only just realised via a post in Active Threads, that there is a Surrogacy board on Mumsnet??

I only read a couple of the discussions there, along the lines of can I buy my baby abroad? has anyone else had a baby via Surrogacy?? so, looks to be a chat board to SUPPORT people try to remove babies from their mothers using cash.

huh?? on Mumsnet?

That’s exactly what surrogacy is.

The only surrogates I know personally are all well enough off for money not to be a factor. I know at least 2 that have done it purely through love for the couple wanting a baby. It’s a unique arrangement that deserves its own board to speak to people in the same boat.

In the UK?

How do we know this?

I dont know the statistics gathered or who gathers them

Of course it's not the same. Adoption gives a home to a child that already exists. Surrogacy creates the child.

I agree op. I find it shocking. We need to push against the normalisation of this. Its
like the fucking Handmaids Tale 🙄.

How please enlighten me? children who are adopted are either orphans or have families who can’t care for them, they are already born.

Surrgacy you are actively choosing to create a life at the sole risk of the mother who carries that child and then had to give birth, you are putting that mother and child at significant risks. Physically and emotionally- I believe there have been now a handful of cases where a child born of surrogacy have sued their parents after being horrified about the suffering there surrogate mothers endured.

Women aren’t cattle for breeding.

Surrogacy is entirely different from adoption!

Surrogacy is "commissioning" a baby knowing you will be removing it at birth. Adoption is acknowledging that for a variety of reasons the baby cannot live with the woman that carried and grew the baby for 9 months and is seeking to provide a stable long term home, adopters are screened and it is made very clear to them that adoption is about finding a home and family for a baby. Not a baby being ordered to be a member of the family. The removal of the baby is overseen by the Courts and social workers with the mother (and father if involved) having legal professionals paid for by the Council who has taken them into care. It's vastly vastly different to paying a woman to take the not insubstantial risk of pregnancy and child birth and then removing the baby at birth from the voice and smell of the woman who carried it.

When I see a barrister or banker or film star being a surrogate for a couple of minimum wage then I might believe it isn't exploitation. Until then I will continue to believe it is trafficking and exploitation

Adoption exists to provide parents for children whose biological parents cannot look after them. Surrogacy exists to provide children for "parents" by removing those children from their (gestational) mothers at birth.

They are very, very different.

"might NEED to".....????? 😂

Depends how you view mother- it can be a couple's egg and sperm developing inside the surrogate and then the baby is raised by the couple. I think mother is covered by it being her egg and her then doing the raising of the child.

Nope. It's no different. They are both removing a baby from its natural birth mother.

I have no issue with either one, but if you are OK with adoption but NOT OK with surrogacy, you are a hypocrite.

HEY, here's an idea..... If you don't want to see the Surrogacy Board. HIDE IT! No-one is asking you to go on it.

Simples!

"NO different..."....??? 😂😂

Where does this take into account the needs of a newborn baby rather than the adults wants?

OP I’ve been here a while too and didn’t realise there was a surrogate board. It’s utterly sickening.

And does it outrage you that adoption exists because the mother gives the child up? Doesnt outrage me but just trying to understand your rage re surrogacy.

That is correct. Glad you got it. 😂

Exactly. It's ludicrous and hilarious in equal measures that some people are SOOOOOOO outraged at the idea of surrogacy, but are OK with adoption.

#disingenuousmuch

Why though? Children up for adoption have complex need normally, because they where born to drug addicts or their parents suddenly died.

If people who can’t have children WANT a child there are plenty they can adopt, but they don’t, as they are not a desirable as those you can buy from a baby farm in Ukraine or Mexico

Of course they’re completely different. Adoption is usually done in unfortunate circumstances due to abuse/addiction /severe mental health problems etc. It’s done to make the best of a bad situation when the parents cannot raise a child without severe detriment to them. Adoption is painful and incredibly difficult for a child but it’s done in their interests to try to give them a stable and healthy upbringing. To deliberately engineer that situation and create a child only to take it from its healthy and able Mother is completely different to taking a child when the parents cannot take care of it. And that’s before you touch upon the exploitation and risks involved for the surrogate. Adoption puts the needs and welfare of the child first. Surrogacy puts them last.

My SIL and brother are struggling with infertility and the idea of me acting as their surrogate is more and more becoming a reality. I would not be paid, but they would pay any medical costs. It would be nice at that time to talk to other people supporting couples going through infertility by carrying their child for them 🤷‍♀️ it’s different to your average pregnancy emotionally, so might not always fit on some of the other boards.

What are the needs of a newborn baby other than to be loved and cherished by its parents (the man and woman who provided the egg and sperm and who will love the child for his/her lifetime)

That's a very weird take.

I'm OK with adoption because I would like children not to grow up in severely abusive households. It is making the best of a bad situation.

I'm not thrilled about surrogacy because it involves intentionally bringing more children into the world to meet the needs of adults. It also opens the door to exploitation of financially deprived women who agree to surrogacy through financial coercion.

I have no problem with this, but if a board has to exist it MUST be carefully moderated, otherwise it runs the risk of being an advertising platform for semi legal loopholes on how to buy babies from very shady agencies in Europe and South America, where the women who give birth are basically bred like cattle and massively exploited.

Sadly the vast majority of surrogacy is the latter.

Maybe they would prefer a child with their DNA? And it's legal so it's an option. Others prefer adoption.