why the effing jeffing is there a Surrogacy board on Mumsnet???

[nevertuesday]

I have been on MN for 15 years or so and only just realised via a post in Active Threads, that there is a Surrogacy board on Mumsnet??

I only read a couple of the discussions there, along the lines of can I buy my baby abroad? has anyone else had a baby via Surrogacy?? so, looks to be a chat board to SUPPORT people try to remove babies from their mothers using cash.

huh?? on Mumsnet?

I was asking the OP.

Ordering a baby deery me. Can I have it posted through my letterbox please!

So what's the relevance of bringing up the fact no one knows if I'm female?

I was replying to this post. I should have quoted it to make that obvious.

Thanks

your flippant remarks about such a despicable practice are really crass. I don't like you and I won't be interacting with you on this subject. you bring nothing useful or interesting to the discussion whatsoever

🤣 that's because you dont know how to reply to that. And I'm not the one being crass on the subject. I don't think anything you have said brings anything useful to the discussion! Just a load of anger. 👋

I think you are very odd actually.

Randomly the song Easy Terms from
Blood Brothers has come up on my playlist.

Your weird smiley faces and cheerfulness about such a grim practice are actually jarring. The sooner this is banned globally the better. That day can’t come soon enough.

Well let's see how long that takes but I have a feeling you will be waiting a while.

What a total merail by Anchorage. Some sort of vested interest to declare?

Yes you are probably right. Mens needs always come first in our world 😢😢

What's men's needs got to do with anything?

To be fair she’d make a great politician. Ignores what other people are saying, repeats the same pointless statements over and over, doesn’t answer questions, disregards others information, is tactical with the truth.

A Parliamentary seat awaits!

Ignores what others are saying! I've been on this thread since yesterday replying to all the responses! Repeating myself yes because of course not everyone reads all posts (which is fair enough). Etc etc etc etc

Replying and responding are not the same.

To be fair I’d love you on my side in a fight.

Oh trust me I respond but I'm shocked so I cant say on here what I'm really thinking about some views.

You're shocked? You entered this conversation by telling me that if I was anti-surrogacy, I must be anti-adoption. That's shocking and frankly unhinged.

Please send the post so I can see it

Actually I do apologise because it was another poster who directly said it. Batchcookbabe on page 2. I must have got confused because you seemed to continue right where they started. You weren't anywhere near as ridiculous on this point as Batchcookbabe though.

You did say, on page 2:
"And does it outrage you that adoption exists because the mother gives the child up? Doesnt outrage me but just trying to understand your rage re surrogacy."

Hardly shocking though is it. I do see a difference between adoption and surrogacy but I suspect I was responding to a comment re giving a child up. And in many ways giving a child up because you've been deemed too unstable, too lazy, too dangerous etc is far worse than carrying for another woman.

The previous poster (not you - my mistake and I apologise) literally said they are the same.

Of course the circumstances that lead to adoption are in almost every case (far, far) worse than those that lead to surrogacy. But removal of the child itself is a necessary part of keeping a child safe from harm. An adoptive parent is seeking to minimise damage that has already happened. The same is not true of surrogacy.

I may pass child-bearing age without having a child (because I don't want to raise a child as a single parent, and because I have not had a partner with whom I would choose to raise a child). I would not for a second consider surrogacy. I absolutely would consider adoption. I wish that more people would do the same. I do not think that people who choose surrogacy are evil/stupid/intent on causing harm, and I would not judge their decision. But I would never choose it myself because I do not think it is a victimless process.

I was thinking adoption was still probably far more popular than surrogacy in the UK but could be wrong. And then of course there is fostering for temporary care. Surrogacy seems far more complex than adoption. I personally would never judge a woman who chose surrogacy if she felt that was the right option.

Some facts from a little google search:

• In 2024, 2,980 children were adopted, similar to the previous year.21
• The average age of a child at adoption is 3 years and 4 months, which is down slightly by one month compared to last year but is up from 3 years in 2020.
• Latest figures show there are currently 2,580 children waiting to be adopted in England right now.
• In the UK, around 400 children are born through surrogacy annually, with over half born through international surrogacy, largely due to difficulties with the current legal framework.
• The number of children born through surrogacy has increased significantly in recent years, with around 400 children born annually through surrogacy to UK parents. Before 2008, this number was around 50 per year.
• The most popular international surrogacy destination is the USA, followed by Ukraine, Canada, Cyprus, Mexico, and Nigeria.
• In 2020-21, 145 parental orders were granted in respect of surrogacies that took place in England, 76 in the USA, 44 in Ukraine, 32 in 'non-UK/other' and 7 in Canada.
• The current UK legal framework for surrogacy can be challenging, leading to difficulties for intended parents.
• Intended parents must wait until the child is born and then apply to court to become the child's legal parents, a process that can take six months to a year. During this period, the surrogate is the child's legal parent, which can affect the intended parents' ability to make decisions about the child

So adoption is more common than surrogacy. Adoption is rarely babies and average age of adoption is over 3.

But I just wouldn't ever be able to justify surrogacy when 2,580 children are waiting to be adopted. I personally can't see why anyone would; particularly the majority who go through international adoption.

Adoption and surrogacy are not comparable. They are not even in the same ball park

One is doing a good thing by stepping in to parent a child who is alone in the world because his or her parents are bad/damaged/ dead. Possibly the child is damaged too. My friend has been through hell with her adopted son. She is doing an incredible job with him. It’s largely for the good of the child.

The other is commissioning a woman to put her body through a pregnancy so you can have your own dna in an unblemished child. This benefits the parents at the expense of both the baby who is take from the mother and the birth mother who takes the risk of pregnancy for you.

Because you want to use your own egg and partners sperm whereas adoption is someone else's child. Lots of people want their own children first and foremost.