why the effing jeffing is there a Surrogacy board on Mumsnet???

[nevertuesday]

I have been on MN for 15 years or so and only just realised via a post in Active Threads, that there is a Surrogacy board on Mumsnet??

I only read a couple of the discussions there, along the lines of can I buy my baby abroad? has anyone else had a baby via Surrogacy?? so, looks to be a chat board to SUPPORT people try to remove babies from their mothers using cash.

huh?? on Mumsnet?

They’re really, really not.

Please explain how they are?

Bonkers question.
You think the baby would prefer not to exist?🙄

Adopted children are taken from their birth mothers due to neglect or abuse. Clearly, these children should not be forced to stay with their birth mothers in that situation.

So it's the creation of new human life you have a problem with?

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Because the primary, fundamental attachment of that baby is to the woman that they have grown inside of for 9 months. They know, intimately, what she sounds like, tastes like, smells like, how her moods change, how she moves, when she’s happy / sad / tired etc. Everything that baby has learned, as their consciousness develops, it comes through her. She is their world, the only thing they know exists, they are part of her: a single entity.

and then she’s gone.

Anyway to answer @nevertuesday's question: Mumsnet was set up by parents for parents. That includes women who chose to be surrogates and people who become parents through surrogacy.

The baby cannot tell whether it was removed from the only mother it’s ever known because she was a friend who helped out another couple or whether she was a disadvantaged woman taken advantage of financially. The impact on the child and their attachment is exactly the same.

And if the treatment requires hysterectomy would then need gestational surrogacy to have their baby?

You say need as if it's like needing a pint of milk. Nobody has a right to a child. It's a painful fact of life that not everybody can become a parent.

Well I'm afraid there are plenty people who have kids without putting the child's needs first. And I would take a guess that's far more prevalent amongst "normal" family unit set ups.

The creation of a human life for the sole purposes of fulfilling a transaction

Of course it's removing babies from mothers.

At some point, the baby is removed from its mother usually very shortly after birth and handed to complete strangers. The baby doesn't know whose egg and sperm it came from. It knows who it's mother is.

To do that to a baby purely because another adult decided they wanted a baby is not an act of love. It's selfish.

So you remember more about your life before you were born and then the months after you were born, more than you remember the rest of your life??

there are too many comments now, to reply to each one individually. but it's not a case of me 'not wanting discussions on things I don't agree with' 🙄 it's more. me not thinking that we should have a forum that legitimises baby trafficking. it doesn't matter how lovely your gay friends are or how much they want a baby. no baby should be removed from its mother for them

@Anchorage56- what exactly was so hilarious about the comment above? Or is it just that you were unable to offer a counter-argument?

and a person who thinks that this is ok, should not be allowed to have responsibility for a child

Because sometimes there are no words

But children who need to be adopted already exist.
Adpotion is a solution to a bad situation a child is in.
Surrogacy creates a child to be given away.
Its very different

Right, can you just ignore the surrogacy threads if you dont like them. It's not illegal.

Oh I agree. I assumed that was implied.

But two wrongs don't make a right.

Wow. Rather dense to imply ‘needing’ a hysterectomy equated to an everyday errand need. No, it’s often needed due to cancer, adenomyosis, pain that gets in the way of quality of life etc etc. perhaps my simplistic language of ‘need’ is because unfortunately for many women, like myself, who have had damage done to their reproductive system due to be let down and misdiagnosed by the NHS… they have ‘needed’ to have lots of surgery and things removed here and there. It’s not flippant to be in that position. It’s heart breaking. Thankfully I’ve never listened to people like yourself who have no personal experience and a limited understanding of the process. I didn’t expect my ‘fate’ according to what you and others think. And although gestational surrogacy was mentioned by my consultants I forged ahead with 6 rounds of IVF because carrying my own biological child was important to me. Thankfully it worked. Had it not I absolutely would have pursued gestational surrogacy and happily said up yours to anyone like yourself who think THEY have a right to DECIDE who becomes a mother or not.

Surrogacy creates a child who will be loved

My concern is more for the mothers who are used as surrogates. Pregnancy is a risk and you may have to live with issues the rest of your life. Preying upon poor women who do this because they feel they have to is wrong. If a woman wants to do it for other reasons then that’s fine, as I said I don’t have an issue with surrogacy in that way, but I do have an issue with wealthier women preying on those struggling. And yes it does happen in the UK,
it’s just done without the big payment, it’s done through little gifts.

Its extremely concerning that wealthy people can treat desperate women this way. I don’t understand how others can’t see that. It’s using a woman’s body and putting her life at risk because you want your DNA in a child. It’s just not okay. And before anyone says ‘but the women’s want to’ - poverty makes people do desperate things, the desire to survive can make you take huge risks.

It's not just about what you remember. Trauma has a huge impact on brain development. The first 1000 days of a child's life (from conception to their second birthday) are absolutely crucial in terms of healthy brain development, and yet no one can remember this period of their lives.

So why bother making that point if you can appreciate its implied in relation to pregnancy birth etc in general?