Lesbian daughter —DH opposes it

[theferry]

My DD is 15 and has come out as lesbian. She is in a relationship with another 15 year old girl. I think it’s OK for this, having had a conversation with DD about sex. DH is threatening to leave over me supporting it. He thinks it’s a terrible thing. He’s saying she’s too young to be in a relationship. Who’s right?

Doesn't sound like it would be a huge loss for either of you.

Yup

You have not offered a neutral viewpoint. Suggesting that somehow gay relationships should be viewed differently to straight ones is not “neutral”.

Lots of teenagers under 16 have relationships, why does your DH oppose her relationship? At least she won’t risk being pregnant. I would talk to him about exactly what he objects to.

Your husband is going the right way to lose his daughter . Maybe he’s ok with that as she no longer fits his profile of what a daughter should be ?
He’s clearly homophobic as he mentioned not going to her wedding so is looking into to the future - presumably he wouldn’t be opposed to her marrying a male at some point ?
Shame his love isn’t unconditional. Thank goodness your daughter has you to support her

I've reported the posts calling me "homophobic" it's absolutely disgusting to call me that word based on my post upthread.

I'm out. Good luck in your echo chamber. Op you may as well end your marriage now as your DH is a homophobic cunt according to the echo chamber here.

Don't bother to sit down and work out what exactly his concerns are and try to challenge them like a normal person would. (Then think about leaving if it does actually turn out he is homophobic)

Oh no. Bin your marriage off. Call him a cunt. (And me ) All through a bunch of Mumsnetters. I'm sure they will all round your house supporting you post break up.

He sounds a bit simple, I mean it's a bit like threatening to leave you because your daughter has green eyes- that's just the way she is🤷🏻‍♀️

👏

He “opposes” who she is? I’m amazed that people like this still exist.

@Jalapenosplease
No on is going to miss the homophobic comments you have made so leaving the thread is the right move for you. And if you cannot see why your comments are homophobic, perhaps you should explore that with a therapist.

The age of consent is 15 in France. Society seems not to have collapsed.

In the Netherlands it's 16, but with a twist: If the child is 12 or older, only the child themselves or their parents can file a complaint. In other words, if two 14yos want to have sex and their parents don't object, there is no legal problem. It is pretty common for Dutch teens to have their BF/GF round for non-platonic sleepovers.

I would start making plans for a life without this man, it sounds as if your daughter would be better off without him around.

It really is so disheartening.

Are you absolutely certain he isn't just in shock about his 'little girl' having these feelings? I am trying to be positive and charitable here btw, there's never any excuse for homophobia but I'm just wondering if the thought of DD getting up to adult activities (I know she isn't but there's an implication...) with anyone has knocked him for six.

Then again, he might just be a bigot.

So her Dad is basically opposed to something she can’t control almost like disowning her if she has blonde hair or is short or tall. He’s an idiot but he can and should control that.

So he is refusing to attend your daughters wedding in the future. No matter who she marries? That doesn't sound much better

Thank you. Their post is silliness, no one who is a parent today is from that past society- unless they are geriatric fathers having kids at 70+

How old are you Jalapeño ? I’m late 40s and don’t know anyone who would argue that being homophobic is ok.

I wouldn’t want my 15 year old having sex but dating is normal and it wouldn’t bother me in the least that my child was gay (or bi)

Jalapenosplease

Of course, we know all this feelings can be explored and explained away, but not everyone was bought up in the current climate and don't readily have the knowledge that others do. Some people aren't good at wording those feelings and instead it comes out as anger or fear.“

Im 60. I wasn’t brought up in the “current climate”. I’m not homophobic.

It’s not been an issue before. He said yesterday that if she gets married, he wont be at the wedding He might feel the same about her dating a boy right now at 15, but he's also homophobic or he wouldn't be saying he won't see her get married in the future.

So he isnt going to her wedding whether she marries and girl or a boy?

This is one of those hills I would die on and by die on I mean I would leave my DH over this, if he was not open to change.

Your DH needs to wake up or risk losing his daughter. It baffles me why some parents are so hung up on their child’s sexuality. What is that about?!

Are you saying that the OP should not have married the man she loves because he doesn't pass some sort of homophobia test?

I think @Jalapenosplease is hiring given an unfairly hard time. No, not everyone is accepting of homosexuality. She’s trying to give a different perspective. If the daughter really is lesbian he may come round in time. Obviously rejecting your child for who they are deep down is cruel. FwIW at DS18s school all the girls identify as bisexual, and they are all going out with boys,there can be a social element to identity among the very young.

Is he struggling to come to terms with his ‘little girl’ growing up and becoming a sexual person?