Lesbian daughter —DH opposes it

[theferry]

My DD is 15 and has come out as lesbian. She is in a relationship with another 15 year old girl. I think it’s OK for this, having had a conversation with DD about sex. DH is threatening to leave over me supporting it. He thinks it’s a terrible thing. He’s saying she’s too young to be in a relationship. Who’s right?

Thankyou for raising your head into the firing line to add balance to the debate!

I agree. It's frightening.

Anyone would have thought I'd written "I don't agree with being gay. If my DD was gay I'd not be happy either " . Then I'd expect a passionate reaction.

Honestly, I feel like re posting my original post just to actually make people read again what it is that I actually wrote !! 🙈

Wow. You are unbelievable.

Just a quick question to you: do you think your post was clever? Balanced?

Yay, more lesbian erasure, it's been minutes since the last lot. This isn't her friend, it's her girlfriend. Yes, some women and girls have girlfriends. Not gal pals, friends or companions - girlfriends.
And the OPs daughter hasn't said she 'intends to sleep with her friend', she's just told her parents that she has a girlfriend and it sounds like the OP then made sure they had a lesbian relevant safe sex chat.
What an utterly weird take on the OPs posts.

If my 15yo dd was considering a sexual relationship, then told me she was lesbian... I'd be popping the champagne.

@Jalapenosplease I'm sorry, but your initial post does come across as rationalising a lack of acceptance of OP's DD being gay. And no matter how you spin it, it is a parent's duty to love and support their child unconditionally. OP's DH is failing in this and needs to sort himself out. How that is achieved is up to the family.

The DH's comment about not attending a same sex wedding for his DD (if there should be one) is very telling and is cause for concern.

I'm 57 and I had no problem with my DC coming out. My late husband was 8 years older than me, American, raised in a very conservative style and it wasn't an issue for him either (he had many, many other issues but that wasn't one of them). Age isn't an excuse for intolerance.

She’s been on the waiting list for CAHMS for over a year. No chance of her being seen for at least another year.

You might as well have said "I don't agree with being gay. If my DD was gay I'd not be happy either". People read what you said and could see through it.

Tbh it sounds like he can't cope with dd growing up. Ask him how he woukd react if she had a bf and brought him home. His response will be telling. Do not lose your dd.

I didn't tag you, I quoted you, so that others could see which comment I was replying to.

I haven't called you any names, nor have I called you "homophobic", so I have no idea why you are ranting about that at me. I have addressed the legitimate concern you raised about HIV and the understandable but misguided other concerns you have.

How forums work is that you say something and other people reply. You don't get to tell people that they cannot reply to what you've said.

OP did mention autism.

Believe it or not, not everything people write on this thread is about or to you.

This isn’t close to what’s happened. She has never said she will have sex and I have every reason to believe that hasn’t/isnt going to happen. They see each other every couple of weeks at mostly her house for a few hours at a time. It’s hardly a relationship. They don’t even leave the house. I don’t think that it’s unusual for 15 (almost 16) year olds to have some sort of relationship. I mean feelings don’t just suddenly turn on the minute someone turns 16. The issue for me is that she feels loved and supported in who she is.

This says all you need to know. And what was your response to this? Because if it was me my “D” H would have already been served the divorce papers. I could not be with a homophobic bigot and even more so do anything that puts him before my child. Your child will turn into an adult that will see it that you put him first if you don’t. Absolutely not. He can think again. Get rid and tell him for why in no uncertain terms.

an15 year old girl telling her mother she intends to sleep with her friend

OP didn't say that her DD had said that. I interpreted "having had a conversation with DD about sex" as being a sex ed chat.

But these angry, vitriolic posters jumping the gun, who want to skip the discussion part , end a long marriage without first talking and call anyone who is putting forward suggestions other than " bin the homophobic cunt" , and then calling ME a homophobe are disgraceful. They are the reason people find the left/far left abhorrent. Shouting down and name calling is not the behaviour of a reasonable adult.

I did none of those things, yet you ranted at me. You are the one not behaving like a reasonable adult here.

For what it's worth I am finding the mud slinging and lack of nuance really depressing too. I long for even 15 years ago when debate was lively and was without resort to hideous names (I loathe the C word)

OP needs to have a chat with her husband. Even if he is aghast that his daughter might be gay, this doesn't warrant divorcing him! Presumably she knows he is not generally homophobic otherwise it would have become apparent much earlier on.

Nothing other than homophobia explains his statement about not attending DD’s potential future [gay] wedding. That also goes way, way beyond him being open about feeling uncomfortable about the current situation.

Really odd he’s not shown his homophobia before, or perhaps has and you missed it.

I really don’t see why you need to post about this or why it’s such a big deal then . Normal girl with friend doing normal things. It isn’t a ‘relationship’. Why does your husband have to know she might or might not be gay anyway? It’s absurd.

Why does he object to her being happy and loved? We choose many things in life, but we can't choose our sexuality.

Well DD has told me about this as being lesbian. In her head, she is her girlfriend. In what way is that absurd? Do you think I should just ignore her?

I don’t think you should make such a big deal of it all and tell your husband who is talking about not attending her wedding. It’s a massive over reaction. She’s a 15 year old girl who has had no sexual experience so far. She needs to figure things out for herself without her parents being so invested.

I wasn't aiming that at you personally. I apologise If it was you that I wrongly @

I do believe I'm acting like a mature adult however.

At what point can she apply for her Proper Lesbian badge and certificate?
Does she have to have had sex first? More than one relationship? Married a woman? Why are you so keen to dismiss the way she labels her sexuality and her relationship with her girlfriend?

It's a massive thing, coming out to your parents. OP I think it's great that she felt able to talk to her Mum about it.
It's a real shame that your DH, her Dad, isn't supportive. He needs to take his feelings off and process them somewhere else or he risks permanently damaging his relationship with her.