Incident at school

[Namechangeagain225]

I am in need of some advise please as I am really upset and am not sure what i should do. My dd is in y2 and they've sat her next to a child who has special needs. I do not know the full extent of his needs, but I know he has a lot of health issues. He is behind in work apparently, he used to always be sat at the table where children needed more help with learning. Since the last term they stopped grouping children according to how well they perform. They've mixed all the children. I found out from a mum that this boy has dropped his trousers and showed his bits to to my daughter. When I queried this from my daughter she seemed to have been traumatised by this, she started crying and almost shivering , thinking she had done something wrong because she saw his bits. She then told me that he was facing her and he dropped his trousers and was looking down. Both my dd and the dd of this mum who told me about this said the teacher witnessed what happened. The teacher just told him to put his trousers back up. I wasn't informed of this by the teacher , and my dd didn't tell me either, until I asked her tonight. During the parent consultation which took place before half term , I had already asked for my dd to be moved as there was an incident where this boy hurt my dd by grabbing something off her, and it caused a deep cut on her finger. When we returned from half term break , they still hadn't moved my dd or him. For context, my dd doesn't have any siblings so hasn't seen boy bits before. I am really annoyed with the school that they are not taking this as seriously as they probably should be. What should I do? Speak to the headteacher? Email the headteacher? Also, this child disrupts my dds learning. He is constatly copying from her and my dd ends up having to teach him. I feel like the class teacher finds it convenient to keep her sat next to him ,so she can do part of the TAs job. I am really annoyed by this all. I dont want children flashing at my dd. What would you do?

OP, there are a couple of different things here that you need to separate.

The flashing is one incident that you need to ask the teacher about first. You heard this third hand first, then asked DD, but not spoken to the teacher. In my DDs school, the teachers come and speak to parents when they observe an incident, even if it appears small, so something of this nature would certainly be spoken about. Start by speaking to them after / before school one day and go from there. You need to get their perspective before you go full throttle.

The second part about the general disruptiveness of the child in question. This is separate to the other issue and you could ask If the teachers / TAs sit side by side with the child while he's at the table with your DD to minimise the distraction for your DC. Generally, I think mixing the children together is a good thing - it's beneficial for the neurotypical children to learn about differences and develop compassion, and beneficial for the SEN children not to be treated like outcasts in the corner. You mention in OP that you don't know the extent of his needs. You should ask questions before letting yourself get frustrated with things you don't know.

Thank you for your reply. I don't really mind the general disruptivensss. What I do not want is my dd being hurt by other pupils or for the teachers or pupils to think this is acceptable . So once he hurt her I told the teacher that he needs to be watched or she needs to be moved. Neither is happening. I dont really care about the extent of his needs as far as the flashing is concerned. I will not tolerate this, and the teachers perspective is irrelevant imo. He dropped his trousers and showed his willy, end of. What's in his EHCP (if he has one) is not my or my dds problem. My dd has confirmed that he flashed at her. There is no dispute about it.

I would definitely speak to the teacher about the flashing incident, but you don't get to dictate where your child sits and who she sits with.

I am not sure why you say I should ask questions before letting myself get frustrated. Surely you must know I cannot ask questions about another child's needs,the teachers will not tell me about another child's needs due to safeguarding , (even if dropped his trousers and flashed at my dd!). Also the child's level of need is not my concern. If someone with additional needs dropped his trousers and showed his willy to me at work, I will not have,so why should my dd?

Thank you for replying. Would you speak to the teacher or go straight to the headteacher? I am concerned this teacher is someone who minimises for an easy life, as they are all,over worked

I'm suggesting you ask questions about the incident and what happened, as the teachers have seen it. Not about his specific EHCP.

From what they tell you, you'll be able to ask what happens next.

@1SillySossij also, if he hurts my daughter, then yes I do get to dictate who she doesnt sit next to ,if the teachers can't make sure it doesn't happen again

So why do you need to ask Mumsnet whether you should speak to or email the HT?

Do both.

@TY78910 clearly nothing. This happened before half-term break.

I don’t know how long ago your DDs half term was but that’s easily around 3 weeks ago? Why haven’t you spoken to the teacher yet to say ‘my DD has made me aware of this. How can you support her?’

Speak to the teacher first, and explain that you are concerned nothing is being done, and ask what is being put in place to stop the flashing happening. One child at our primary wears a belt for example so it takes longer and staff are alerted. Not ideal, but it is something.

If you are not satisfied with the response, then speak to the Headteacher.

Thank you so much for replying. The fact that the teacher didn't even tell me about the incident makes me wonder if I'll be fobbed off by her. I also feel like she is getting away with not doing anything apart from calmly telling him to put his trousers back up.

Ha ha!! you don't get to dictate anything! How entitled are you!! The teacher runs the class not you, the headteacher runs the school not you. You don't like it, you find another school!

Go in and ask the teacher and ask how they are safeguarding your child. If you are not happy with the response look up the complaints policy on school website and follow that.

You think it’s funny that a child has been sexually molested?

At the very least the teacher should have informed you about him exposing himself. That's a safeguarding issue and she just seems to have minimised it. I wouldn't feel confident in how she's dealt with it.

I'd bring it to her attention and want an explanation why she's minimised it and not informed you. I'd also let the teacher know that you intend to inform social services about it so they can investigate it. That's what I've learnt what I am obliged to do as a mandated person on my child protection course this week.

Your comment is in bad taste laughing at a concerned parent

Of course you can ask for your child to be moved. I’ve asked a few times at school and it’s always been acted on. If your child is being hurt or bullied by another, it’s totally reasonable to ask them to be moved to a different seat.

I would email the teacher and CC in the headmistress.
Also if you can at pickup or drop off pull the teacher aside and have a word with her about it. Do put everything in writing though.

Have a look at the school policies on their website, refer to those when discussing the issue with your child’s teacher. Ask about safeguarding, your child should be protected from other children that don’t understand safe behaviour. We’ve had years of violence and disruption from one SEN child towards others in my dd’s class (my dd is also SEN). Never feel you can’t complain, the school needs parents complaints to take action.

You clearly don’t have kids. Go and find another random forum to put unhelpful comments on.

Please don't try and live up to your username. Of course I can ask for my child to be moved if she is getting flashed at and being hurt! And I will make sure she does

Are you mad? Yes she absolutely does. Sure not she must sit next to Holly because she likes Holly but definitely she must NOT sit next to Harry because Harry upsets her and hurts her! This is her CHILD. She is OP’s responsibility. She absolutely must have control over whether he child spends every day say next to someone who causes her distress. And OP, if the school don’t do something then take her out on the spot until they can keep her safe. They’ll try to guilt you and make you look like some ableist person but protecting your child matters.

Thank you so much for your reply. Yes, I was thinking of keeping her at home until they take action. I am so upset for her, its not like she can unsee what she's seen. And to think the school isn't taking this seriously

The incident happened before half-term. I only found out this evening (13th evening)