Incident at school

[Namechangeagain225]

I am in need of some advise please as I am really upset and am not sure what i should do. My dd is in y2 and they've sat her next to a child who has special needs. I do not know the full extent of his needs, but I know he has a lot of health issues. He is behind in work apparently, he used to always be sat at the table where children needed more help with learning. Since the last term they stopped grouping children according to how well they perform. They've mixed all the children. I found out from a mum that this boy has dropped his trousers and showed his bits to to my daughter. When I queried this from my daughter she seemed to have been traumatised by this, she started crying and almost shivering , thinking she had done something wrong because she saw his bits. She then told me that he was facing her and he dropped his trousers and was looking down. Both my dd and the dd of this mum who told me about this said the teacher witnessed what happened. The teacher just told him to put his trousers back up. I wasn't informed of this by the teacher , and my dd didn't tell me either, until I asked her tonight. During the parent consultation which took place before half term , I had already asked for my dd to be moved as there was an incident where this boy hurt my dd by grabbing something off her, and it caused a deep cut on her finger. When we returned from half term break , they still hadn't moved my dd or him. For context, my dd doesn't have any siblings so hasn't seen boy bits before. I am really annoyed with the school that they are not taking this as seriously as they probably should be. What should I do? Speak to the headteacher? Email the headteacher? Also, this child disrupts my dds learning. He is constatly copying from her and my dd ends up having to teach him. I feel like the class teacher finds it convenient to keep her sat next to him ,so she can do part of the TAs job. I am really annoyed by this all. I dont want children flashing at my dd. What would you do?

What is your point?

The vast majority of people commenting on this thread need to join the op on doing some research re age appropriate behaviours.

https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/preschool/Pages/Sexual-Behaviors-Young-Children.aspx#:~:text=Normal%20sexual%20behaviors%20in%20toddlers,Showing%20genitals%20to%20peers

You’re way way off. This is completely normal behaviour.

That you sound barking fucking mad, I think.

I wonder if you are so rude in real life or is it just online 🤔

From my experience dealing with primary schools regarding incidents, the best way is not talk to the teacher (especially if you did before and nothing was done), but to email the teacher and CC the headteacher.

I think you’ll find that the OP just needs to start telling the school how she’s concerned that they’re failing to safeguard her child and that she’ll then totally be able to dictate that her Dd doesn’t sit next to this kid again. Especially if she says she’ll escalate it if she’s not reassured by the school’s actions to protect her Dd. 🤷‍♀️

I agree the flashing is not sexual, it’s small kids being daft. Yes he obviously needs telling it’s inappropriate and keeping an eye on but hopefully this has happened. So talking to the teacher is a good starting point. It’s disappointing that they didn’t tell you what had happened though. I’d be more concerned about him physically hurting your Dd. Though if he grabbed something off her it sounds like it was more of an accidental injury than a malicious one.

Lady Bracknell needs a cucumber sandwich here 🙄

Email or ring school and ask to make an appointment with the teacher so it's not a chat before or after school where time may be short. Then explain that you have only just been made aware of the incident. Then ask what is going to happen going forward. You are quite right that the teacher can't discuss details of another child with you but the teacher can discuss your child with you and how your child will be kept safe.

I understand your daughter is shocked but the child has SEN and is 7 or under. It wasn’t sexual. The child might only have a working age of 3 or 4. The teacher may have managed it in the best way so the child doesn’t do it again by not making a big fuss about it.
You can ask for your daughter to sit somewhere else that’s fine but unless the child repeatedly pulls his pants down consider it dealt with.

Ok, leaving the private parts out. Is it normal for her to get a deep cut from a child?. Is it normal for her daughter to have to manage another child's disruptive behaviour by herself while trying to learn?. Is it normal for her child to have to try to teach the other child?. Her child came to school to learn and shouldn't be responsible for another child, special needs or not. I had a daughter diagnosed with autism in mainstream and I cannot imagine another child being left to support her. She had a TA during learning always.

I have no idea how the deep cut was caused, it seems odd that children of that age have access to something that could cause a deep cut. My concern would be that not the children involved.

It is absolutely typical for children to work together, mixing up abilities improves outcomes for all at that age.

Stop being so dramatic, that isn’t what happened. It’s over reactions like this that cause teachers to leave the profession.

The OP needs to have a calm conversation with the teacher and if she is still unhappy then with the headteacher.

I am Lady Bracknell 😂

Yes and please stop saying child flashed until you know the context

.

People are putting adult intentions onto a year 2 child, so what, six or seven? And one with special needs as well so may be even younger than that in regards to maturity.

I recall a boy from our class flashing us once in the playground in the early 90s. We genuinely thought it was gross but hilarious and can categorically say that it had zero effect on my MH growing up. I think there's a bit of projection in a 6 year old "shaking and crying" after seeing a boy's bits. Girls that age often react the same way with everyday incidents too such as a classmate being mean about their work, someone laughing at them, someone hiding their stuff etc.

Though having said that, no parent would be pleased if something like this happened to their daughter and it was brushed off by the school. If the school doesn't seem to care I'd honestly just mention the story to a few of the other mums. This is the type of thing that spreads like wildfire and it would put more pressure on the teacher or the boy's parents to change behaviour or sitting place.

Never a truer paragraph showing why teachers are leaving in droves.

@honeyrider you really need to get a grip, this doesn’t need reporting to social services! It’s a third hand account that has no doubt been embellished for drama. No wonder teachers are leaving in droves if this is what they put up with from parents.

This. Also, stop saying “boys bits” and for the love of god don’t teach your DD this either. Using the proper names for body parts is really important so that if exactly this scenario occurs children can accurately say what happened.

So sad, first move is to suggest undermining the teacher. I agree, you couldn’t pay me enough to be a teacher

Confronting people?? In what world do any parents think this is appropriate. In what other professions is this allowed. Wow.
Just FYI-this does not work. Calm, respectful conversations work best-always. 🙄

Nobody was molested.

Email the school with a summary of your complaint and they will decide who deals with it. That's what we do at my school. Everyone wants to speak to the head but some things are delegated to someone more appropriate, depending on what it is. (We are a big school though). No need to vent on MN - you need to find out the facts first, then ask what they will do about it.

Completely agree with this.

Schools have a duty to safeguard children and if they aren’t then there can be serious consequences for them.

Put it in writing and send to the school under the heading safeguarding concern if once you’ve talked to the teacher you get nowhere.