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Original poster

Incident at school

239 replies

Namechangeagain225 · 13/03/2025 23:01

I am in need of some advise please as I am really upset and am not sure what i should do. My dd is in y2 and they've sat her next to a child who has special needs. I do not know the full extent of his needs, but I know he has a lot of health issues. He is behind in work apparently, he used to always be sat at the table where children needed more help with learning. Since the last term they stopped grouping children according to how well they perform. They've mixed all the children. I found out from a mum that this boy has dropped his trousers and showed his bits to to my daughter. When I queried this from my daughter she seemed to have been traumatised by this, she started crying and almost shivering , thinking she had done something wrong because she saw his bits. She then told me that he was facing her and he dropped his trousers and was looking down. Both my dd and the dd of this mum who told me about this said the teacher witnessed what happened. The teacher just told him to put his trousers back up. I wasn't informed of this by the teacher , and my dd didn't tell me either, until I asked her tonight. During the parent consultation which took place before half term , I had already asked for my dd to be moved as there was an incident where this boy hurt my dd by grabbing something off her, and it caused a deep cut on her finger. When we returned from half term break , they still hadn't moved my dd or him. For context, my dd doesn't have any siblings so hasn't seen boy bits before. I am really annoyed with the school that they are not taking this as seriously as they probably should be. What should I do? Speak to the headteacher? Email the headteacher? Also, this child disrupts my dds learning. He is constatly copying from her and my dd ends up having to teach him. I feel like the class teacher finds it convenient to keep her sat next to him ,so she can do part of the TAs job. I am really annoyed by this all. I dont want children flashing at my dd. What would you do?

OP posts:
Original poster
Namechangeagain225 · 14/03/2025 20:22

Ritzybitzy · 14/03/2025 10:12

No. She was shaken by her mums line of questioning.

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Of course, you must have been the fly on the wall 👍

OP posts:
Original poster
Namechangeagain225 · 14/03/2025 20:25

theansweris42 · 14/03/2025 08:14

OP some PPs have given unpleasant responses, you're right to be worried and raise this. The kids actions and SEN don't make him a monster but everyone's needing some support here and he will need support to be able to be in the class.

Firstly, your DD will be OK with your love and support..it's clearly shaken her. I'm sure you've already told her but make it clear she should always tell you if something upsetting happens to her. 3 weeks is a long time to hold this in. Also.use the right terminology.

Follow the steps PPs who know about school advised. You could speak to the class teacher first? but maybe, there's no satisfaction to be got there as they already withheld this incident (I think? is that right) So yes, contact the Head. The flash and the cut ( 🙁) and the expecting DD to teach him (depending how extensive this is) aren't OK and the school should assess and mitigate the risk as well as support both kids. Your DD has to know she's being heard.

I know PPs have expressed anger about raising it because of all the pressure on teachers but this doesn't seem to have been fully dealt with from what you've said.

Edited

Thank you for your reply. Exactly. I have to protect my child , not worry about the future of the teaching profession. I'll let Starmer worry about that.

OP posts:
Ritzybitzy · 14/03/2025 20:46

Namechangeagain225 · 14/03/2025 20:07

Okay..you'd know

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If they are traumatised there’s an issue. This is not a traumatic incident. This is what kids do. It’s completely typical and age appropriate.

Ritzybitzy · 14/03/2025 20:47

Namechangeagain225 · 14/03/2025 20:22

Of course, you must have been the fly on the wall 👍

Show quote history

Your post and subsequent comments speak volumes.

theansweris42 · 15/03/2025 19:14

ritzy you're off track here hugely. I for one won't reply to you any further.

Commonsense22 · 12/06/2025 12:34

Ritzybitzy · 14/03/2025 20:46

If they are traumatised there’s an issue. This is not a traumatic incident. This is what kids do. It’s completely typical and age appropriate.

Show quote history

Really? I can only remember 1 child flashing themselves in primary school and it definitely was not typical.
I.would.not be happy at all with my child being forced to sit next to someone who made them feel that uncomfortable, much less work with them.

Louisiannadaisy · 12/06/2025 17:02

Year 2!! You calling it flashing is outrageous. Like the kid is doing it sexually. Kids still get changed for PE with each other at that age. Him hurting her( need more context) was it an accident? How was the issue delt with.

now the way you talk about a child with extra needs is disturbing! You have no care or empathy to what might be going on! What I can tell you if he does have extreme needs his parents will be on a list for 2 years waiting for a sen school. If his needs are high he wouid have 1 2 1 in his class.

maybe home education is better for you. Just deregister with the council and you can educate her however you want. Unfortunately state schools come with challenges in all aspects.

Commonsense22 · 12/06/2025 21:05

Louisiannadaisy · 12/06/2025 17:02

Year 2!! You calling it flashing is outrageous. Like the kid is doing it sexually. Kids still get changed for PE with each other at that age. Him hurting her( need more context) was it an accident? How was the issue delt with.

now the way you talk about a child with extra needs is disturbing! You have no care or empathy to what might be going on! What I can tell you if he does have extreme needs his parents will be on a list for 2 years waiting for a sen school. If his needs are high he wouid have 1 2 1 in his class.

maybe home education is better for you. Just deregister with the council and you can educate her however you want. Unfortunately state schools come with challenges in all aspects.

Sexually precocious behaviour absolutely exists at that age, and it's utterly strange you'd expect the little girl who has been exposed to the incident it whatever the intent was, regardless of whether it was innocent or not... to be forced to continue to sit next to the boy who did it.
SEN here are really irrelevant. It's a girl being forced to accommodate a male who makes her really uncomfortable and potentially afraid.
I have so many traumatic childhood memories of being forced to be nice to boys who made me uncomfortable or worse and it really damages your psyche.

SammyScrounge · 06/07/2025 01:48

1SillySossij · 13/03/2025 23:43

I would definitely speak to the teacher about the flashing incident, but you don't get to dictate where your child sits and who she sits with.

She does if her child is afraid of this boy, or if he is distracting her from her work

Original poster
Namechangeagain225 · 06/07/2025 04:00

Louisiannadaisy · 12/06/2025 17:02

Year 2!! You calling it flashing is outrageous. Like the kid is doing it sexually. Kids still get changed for PE with each other at that age. Him hurting her( need more context) was it an accident? How was the issue delt with.

now the way you talk about a child with extra needs is disturbing! You have no care or empathy to what might be going on! What I can tell you if he does have extreme needs his parents will be on a list for 2 years waiting for a sen school. If his needs are high he wouid have 1 2 1 in his class.

maybe home education is better for you. Just deregister with the council and you can educate her however you want. Unfortunately state schools come with challenges in all aspects.

Why tf should I home school my child? Its the schools duty to safeguard all children. Whilst I have empathy , my empathy and care ends when his needs/behaviours start effecting my child, thank you. If anything, if the child cant stop himself from dropping his trousers and showing his bum and willy, then it should be his parents who deregister him and home school him, not me. Talk about fing victim blaming. If you'd like to be a martyr and show the world how caring and empathetic you are by having your child groped or flashed at by a child or an adult, you do you, but don't expect me or my child to put up with this behaviour, or if not stay at home. Ffs. What you are saying is , put up with being flashed at or stay at home. Wtf! The waiting list is not my problem. Fyi- thank f the teacher has more brains than you , she moved my child straightaway.

OP posts:
BreakingBroken · 06/07/2025 04:30

Well said and well done @Namechangeagain225 , no one other than you will advocate for your dd.
funding/send issues are not your daughters responsibilities.

Andoutcomethewolves · 06/07/2025 04:30

OP I'm sorry I haven't read the whole thread. But just wanted to say my perspective. I was in your daughter's shoes - I was always the good girl/teacher's pet and I was always sat between the two boys who were 'naughty'. I assume the teachers thought I'd be a calming influence on them.

In reality one of them kicked me repeatedly in the crotch, the other stole my workbook and scribbled all over it before pulling my pants down in the playground. I was separated from my actual friends on another table because I was always between these boys and honestly it really damaged my primary school experience.

Kids shouldn't have to do a teacher's job for them. And you should (as you have) prioritise your DD. There's a limit to recognising SEN when it is harming your own child.

BeccaFloss · 26/01/2026 17:29

Really late here but if that happened to my daughter, she would not be sitting next to that other child if he hurt her let alone showed her his bits, which is serious at any age. I'd ask the teacher and if they didn't move him elsewhere after that, especially if your daughter is upset, then I'd be seriously concerned and raise it further. If his needs were that special where he doesn't know that it's wrong to strip in class at that age, then he should be in a different school.
Sorry, I know you've probably sorted it now but people saying 'you can't choose where your child sits' are either stupid or didn't read your thread because you absolutely can if that other child causes harm.

ThesebeautifulthingsthatIvegot · 26/01/2026 18:20

BeccaFloss · 26/01/2026 17:29

Really late here but if that happened to my daughter, she would not be sitting next to that other child if he hurt her let alone showed her his bits, which is serious at any age. I'd ask the teacher and if they didn't move him elsewhere after that, especially if your daughter is upset, then I'd be seriously concerned and raise it further. If his needs were that special where he doesn't know that it's wrong to strip in class at that age, then he should be in a different school.
Sorry, I know you've probably sorted it now but people saying 'you can't choose where your child sits' are either stupid or didn't read your thread because you absolutely can if that other child causes harm.

"then he should be in a different school". I assume that you've not had experience of the SEN system.

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