Incident at school

[Namechangeagain225]

I am in need of some advise please as I am really upset and am not sure what i should do. My dd is in y2 and they've sat her next to a child who has special needs. I do not know the full extent of his needs, but I know he has a lot of health issues. He is behind in work apparently, he used to always be sat at the table where children needed more help with learning. Since the last term they stopped grouping children according to how well they perform. They've mixed all the children. I found out from a mum that this boy has dropped his trousers and showed his bits to to my daughter. When I queried this from my daughter she seemed to have been traumatised by this, she started crying and almost shivering , thinking she had done something wrong because she saw his bits. She then told me that he was facing her and he dropped his trousers and was looking down. Both my dd and the dd of this mum who told me about this said the teacher witnessed what happened. The teacher just told him to put his trousers back up. I wasn't informed of this by the teacher , and my dd didn't tell me either, until I asked her tonight. During the parent consultation which took place before half term , I had already asked for my dd to be moved as there was an incident where this boy hurt my dd by grabbing something off her, and it caused a deep cut on her finger. When we returned from half term break , they still hadn't moved my dd or him. For context, my dd doesn't have any siblings so hasn't seen boy bits before. I am really annoyed with the school that they are not taking this as seriously as they probably should be. What should I do? Speak to the headteacher? Email the headteacher? Also, this child disrupts my dds learning. He is constatly copying from her and my dd ends up having to teach him. I feel like the class teacher finds it convenient to keep her sat next to him ,so she can do part of the TAs job. I am really annoyed by this all. I dont want children flashing at my dd. What would you do?

Our Educational Psychologist advised us that when swearing is in context, even if the pupil suffers from Tourette's, it's deliberate and should not be ignored.

Having said that, children in my area are not excluded for "merely"swearing at a a teacher whether they have Tourette's or not. To paraphrase Educating Rita, you'd need to bugger the bursar to be excluded these days.

Your dd shouldn’t have to sit beside someone who makes her feel uncomfortable special needs or not. I had this with my child, they were sat beside a SN child who was so disruptive, attacking other kids and tormenting my child. The school tried to make me feel bad because he had additional needs. I told them I couldn’t give a fiddlers what that child needs, I care about what MY child needs , which is a safe space to learn. This winds me up, I’d definitely insist on her being moved. Teachers palming SN kids off onto other students is not right

Honestly yes. That will help the students who should not be subjected to be called a c and help him get the services he needs. SN is a hard road for parents and children and to many times there is an attitude of well they have SN so they must put up with it. It's a terrible disservice to those of us with SN and children with SN.

Whatever. It doesn’t change that safeguarding is extremely important and failures lead to inadequate OFSTED.

I would make a safeguarding complaint to the headteacher and escalate if necessary. I say this because I think the teacher had a chance to deal with it and has not so trust has already been broken in this case.

So far as child development is concerned, by the time s/he's in Y2, a child should have an awareness of appropriate behaviour and that needs to be modelled at all times.

If a child has a developmental delay, then appropriate behaviour needs to be reinforced even more.

Some years back a looked after child who had been bounced from one setting to another came to our school. Not only had he had a rough childhood (understatement) but he was on the spectrum.

Our pastoral team realised that there was a problem. The one person who'd protected him before he was removed from the family home was an older sister. The boy - understandably - kept gravitating towards older girls and looking for cuddles.

This behaviour had been seen as "cute" in a former setting - and no one had attempted to stop it. The concern was that he was reaching an age where he was going to get himself into trouble by going up to strangers. Our older girls had been reinforcing the unwanted behaviour by gladly giving him cuddles.

His pastoral link spoke about the matter to his foster parents and it was agreed that she could speak to the girls who had been reinforcing the unwanted behaviour. As diplomatically as possible, she asked the girls not to cuddle the boy no matter how lovely and cute he was.

The boy did very well, eventually becoming a pupil leader. The last I heard he was at college. The one really happy element of the story is that the foster parents managed to contact the elder sister through social work and the two siblings are now in regular contact with one another.

Have you managed to speak to the teacher today?
I really don't understand why your child has been off school since half term either. What was the reasoning for this?
It would really help to get all the info in order to give you advice

Is that typical age appropriate behaviour?

Is there a reason why you’re leaving out the E?

I ront understand what e?

It’s special educational needs. Not special needs. Special needs is not an ok way to describe someone at all.

To you. I myself have sn so does my child. Each person has every right to refer to it as they feel comfortable. Have a lovely day.

I disagree.

I would be very careful about telling other people they’re special needs because it’s generally accepted as a slur.

Yes, people can withdraw if traumatised. Its nothin new. Even though I found out about the incident through a parent, it has now been confirmed by my dd, so is not a third hand account. Like I said, this had nothing to do with pe. They don't change for pe in school. They go in wearing their pe kits

Traumatised is ridiculous.

I am not changing the way I speak. I definitely did not say a slur and again have a lovely day.

The school knows why my child was off school and that it had nothing to do with the incident. I dont want to go into specifics as it may be outing. I doubt very much the reason my dd didn't tell me initially was because she couldn't name the body part the boy flashed at her. I am pretty sure they have been taught the names of body parts in school. I didn't withdraw her from that lesson. It's just not something I thought I should do revision on.

You did.

For the last time have a lovely day . I will not respond again no matter how many more times you qoute me.

Completely agree!!

I didn’t ask you to reply to me.

Okay..you'd know

Oh yes, of course, we send our children to school to see other children's private parts. Actually , with minimising like this, there'll be a lot more of this. Mums telling their boys that it's normal to drop their trousers in front of girls.

Seeing another child’s penis doesn’t in and of itself constitute a sexual act. No one has said it’s ok that it happened they’re saying youre ascribing a sexual motive to a 6 year old child when developmentally they don’t have that capacity. There’s a big gap between minimising and demonising, I’m suggesting you find the middle ground.